My Poems

Hurts Like Hell

At some point you hate yourself so much

That you isolate yourself from everyone

Even if those people make you feel better

And it hurts like hell

But you get used to it

You continue to feel isolated even on days that are supposed to be fun

You argue with everyone you used to care about

You lose friends, you lose faith

And it hurts like hell,

But you start to like it

And then everything is different

You accept the pain with open arms

It's your only friend now

And yeah it hurts

But the pain feels like control

It's not

But you want to believe it

And you're in so much pain

So you hide it

Like a fucking idiot

You hide it!

You refuse to let the people you love see the state you're in.

You feel like they won't understand

And they have enough they're going through

You feel like at least one of them hates you

Maybe they caused the pain

You can't remember when it started.

You're tired of the lies

You end things that ended up making it worse

And it was all a wall of sound

Screaming, shouting

Drowning out everything with

You are the worst person!

You deserve this!

Look what you did to them!

It's all you ever do to them!

All of them hate you!

And it hurts like hell!

It hurts so fucking bad!

You want it to stop!

But it won't.

So you wear long sleaves.

You keep covering it up.

People notice but don't ask.

Someone noticed

And they asked

You felt better

But someone held you down

And you hesitated

You needed to let them go

But you can't

And it hurts like hell.

It still does.

Every day.

Pounding, pulsing

You change things

You hope that somehow that will make them go away.

No

It makes it worse

Won't let go, can't let go

You still care,

Somewhere, deep down

But this person doesn't care

Doesn't understand what they've done.

Oh it hurts like hell,

And it won't go away

And yeah, it sucks,

But I'm getting better

The pain will go away and I have everyone's support.

So who cares about that one thing holding me down?

I'm learning to pull its weight.