Sweet Dreams

Chapter 15: Why?

I sit on the edge of the bed, thinking of anything. Of everything.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks as her pale fingers crawls over my shoulder.

"What to do. Where to go. Who to see. What I want." I pick off. There's nothing specific anymore, no special places and no guarantees anymore for sure.

"I can help..." she whispers. I slide my hand over hers. I know she wants to help me, hell I want to help me. But she can't if I can't help myself.

"You can't." I reply. Her hand gets cold and she latches her hand under mine.

"Why not?" she asks. I sigh as I look down as my hand falls off hers. She slowly pulls it away. "Chris, if you think this is your fault,"

"It is! I told Tristan I couldn't go home! I showed him marks! I caused us to come here at 2:30 in the morning! To bother you... To take time away from you because of some stupid decision I made!" I feel my face grow hot and my words are livid with venom. I can't hold it in anymore," Its my fault, Riley! Everything! Its my fault shes gone!"

The last words that leave my lips are numb. They're bitter. They're something that punches me over and over in the chest so hard that I can't breathe. I feel my face flush as anger and fear contaminate my emotions all in one.

I stand up, almost too fast. I feel her stand with me. I turn, as salt water falls into the crease of my mouth. "I have to go. By myself."

She walks over to me and pulls into her. Her head burrows in my chest as she clings to my torso.

"Riley," I say through stinging tears," I have to get out of here."

"Chris, let me help." She pleads as I push her away.

"You can't.. I can't even help myself.." I say as I turn to leave. I reach for the door, but a hand grabs my wrist.

"Wait." She pulls me back into her room and runs to a drawer.

As quickly as she left, shes back. Something fills her hand as she holds it out. "Here, take it. I know you'll need it. If I can't help physically, I know this will."

A stack of cash is placed into my palm. I push it back. "I can't. I don't want it." She's pushes it back. "Chris, please. Take it. It's no use to me."

I clutch my fingers around it and stuff it into my pocket. I walk back to the front door. I grip the knob, and her arms are thrown around me.

"Be safe. If you ever need anything, I'll be here. Right here for you. I promise." She kisses my cheek and pulls away. I smile, and slip through the door. It's a new start.

~

Once down the street away from her place, I stop at a convenient store. I pull out the money and look through it. Wow. Who just gives away 10 hundred dollars like that? I bite my lip to hide a smile. I stuff it back into my pockets, $500 in each.

I look behind me. Where I've come from. Where I've been. What I used to be.

I turn forward. And watch. What I will be. Where I will go. What I will do. I start walking, making an oath to never look back, no matter how hard the future gets. I'll get through it someone how someway.

I stop at the nearest convent store. I first search for a knife of some sort or scissors. I find a jackknife and grab a few other items, some chips and stuff.

"15.27" the cashier says over the counter. She looks up at me with hard gold eyes.

I throw a hundred down. She quickly looks down at the bill, then proceeds to cash me out. "Thank you," I murmur as I take my bags and walk out the store. I crack open a Pepsi and walk down the sidewalk strip. I don't see much people, just a lot of trees on either side of me. I'm surrounded by forrest if you will.

The afternoon sun beats on my face. I've went through at least a six pack already.

I stop at a near park and rest on a bench. The shade is freshing to my scorching skin. Kids run over the blacktop as adults help littler ones across the monkey bars or wait at the bottom of the slides for their toddlers. I miss those days. When innocence was respected and a care was never thought of. What I would do for it to come back...

I decide to finish off my Lays and sit in the swing. I kick fun stuff around like pine cones and acorns. As my feet lazily drag through the wood chips, I see something shinny. I move the debris around it and get a better look. A necklace. Not just any necklace, but the one the Tristan wore around his neck that night.

Once recognizable, I throw it down and hop out the rubber and chains. I find people staring with frowns as I stand like the grounds gone. I turn to run, but instead I'm caught by a person in uniform. I wiggle out her capture, but only lead myself into something worse. A chase.

I book it out the family area and into the trees as I hear calling and yelling to 'get back here' by her. But I have one thing on my mind. To leave. I can't go back and I won't. I promised myself that I wouldn't, and I'm all I got.

"Keep running," that voice tells me. I don't argue. My name is muffled over my shoulder by the lady as I get further and further away.

"Don't look back, just keep going!" It demands. My lungs beg for air and my knees are numb. I can't stop though. I have to get away. I follow a path straight out the woods and into an open road. I almost run into a car. I quickly slow down and catch my breath before I pass out. This heat also does a number on you. My insides feel tight as I release air as fast as I take it in. Nothing feels better than breathing.

I continue walking until I approach a neighborhood. It's kind of small but the houses are huge and there are children at play. I wipe my face with a dirty sleeve and walk through the houses. I notice one thing about this place, only one house doesn't have kids running in and out of it.

I start to see blotchy spots in my vision. I left my bag of snacks at the park but only managed to stick the knife in my pocket as soon as I bought it. I look up into the sky as my lungs are back to life, but my body trembles as sweat pours down my chin.

"God," I whisper. "If you're there, I ask only one thing. " I stop as a tear is felt escaping my burning eyes. "Why is it so hot?"