Bitter Sweet

c24

Chapter 24: Therapy

"Wanna know what death feels like? Huh?

For me, it felt like a sharp pain in my heart and brain.

It felt like the last bit of oxygen I had left to breathe was snatched from me.

It felt like knives were diving into my body all over.

It felt like all my bones were broken. It made me numb and scared.

It felt as if my soul was snatched out my body and left nothing but flesh and bones behind.

I escaped death for a second time, and though anyone would think I'd be thrilled, I'm not.

I'm tired and annoyed. For once in my life, I just want all the pain to end. I didn't wanna wake up to fight for my life anymore. I don't even wanna breathe, now that I'm up. I just want to rest....I want to rest in peace.

But, instead, my eyes fluttered open today, and I knew another morning had come.

I knew today would be another lonely day for me to think about all that I lost.

My brother, my child, and a friend were all gone- stolen from me.

Why couldn't I have died?!" I yelled as tears continued to stream down my face. "Why couldn't it be me- me instead of them?"

"Ms Thompson, do you have suicidal thoughts?" Dr. Jane, my therapist asked.

"Do I have- ha!" I chuckled sarcastically. "I have pain. That's what I have."

"And what do you want to do about that pain?" Dr. Jane asked.

"I want it to go away," I cried. "I want it to stop."

"That's not what I asked, Ms. Thompson," she replied.

"I wanna shove it up Nick's ass!" I yelled. "This is his fault."

"How so?" she asked.

"He's the mafia king. He should've made sure no one came after us, but the drunk fool didn't. His men came after us, and all he had to say when I woke up was this: 'I'm sorry.' I'm sorry? I'm sorry? I'm sorry too, you dipshit! I'm sorry I ever met you!  Go to hell, Nickolas Carter," I yelled.

"Mr. Carter, how do you feel about this?" Dr. Jane asked Nick.

Nick only remained silent.

"Yeah, stay silent. It's best you don't speak," I said angrily.

"I didn't know they'd come after y'all,"  he replied.

"It's always something with you," I argued. "Everyone you contact gets hurt."

"Don't say that," Nick mumbled.

"It's been said already," I replied. "Screw you. Screw Draco. Screw the mafia. Screw the town. Screw the city. I hate you, and I hate everything else."

"Mr. Carter killed Draco for you. He knew Draco was responsible for the deaths. How do you feel about that?" Dr. Jane questioned.

"Hmmm, how do I feel?" I replied as I pretended to ponder. "That doesn't change anything. He should've clicked the trigger to his head after."

"Word?" Nick asked.

"Nah, letters," I replied. "I hate you!"

"No, you don't," he disagreed.

"Yes, I do," I argued.

"Then why are we here...in a relationship therapy meeting?" Nick asked.

"Because you won't get it through your thick skull that I don't want to be with you anymore!" I answered.

"Because you still do," he replied.

"What in hate do you not understand? I don't even wanna see your face at work," I argued.

"Then why do you still show up?" Nick asked.

"Because I need the money so I can move far away from you," I answered.

"Ouch," Nick said, hurt evident in his eyes. "I love you, Sage."

"I don't wanna hear it," I replied coldly as tears sprung to my eyes. "This was clearly a waste of time. I'll unfortunately see you at work tomorrow. Thank you for having us, Dr. Jane."

I grabbed my purse and stormed out the office.

Like all other sessions, Nathan and Kendall waited outside the office for us.

Kendall wrapped me into a hug, and I broke down on her shoulder. I was a hot mess, especially after these sessions.

Like normal, Nick silently watched me from a distance, and Nathan awkwardly remained seated, not sure if he should comfort me or his bro.