Marked For Death | klangst

Twenty-Six.

Lance wished they could stay like that forever, without a care in the world, without having to worry about the universe crumbling apart at the hands of some power-hungry alien force, without having to worry about dying at every turn. He wanted to just be with Keith, the warmth of his arms enveloping him in an encasement of protection. He wanted to just stare into those never-ending pools of violet, day in and day out, when he opened his own eyes in the morning and right before he closed them at night. He wanted to just be there with him, without an interruption from the outside.

But life wasn't that easy. It never was. Life isn't kind, either. It takes and it takes without a single thought to who might be suffering because of it.

When life started to creep back into their minds, they stood, both leaning on each other for physical support. Together, they hobbled out of the hangars and ventured to the cortex where Lance planned to profusely apologize about what had happened mere minutes ago, and Keith intended to inform everyone about the new problem they were facing.

"Do you think they'll forgive me?" Lance asked wearily, his eyes downcast and shoulders slumped.

"What kind of a question is that?" Keith asked, bewildered. "Lance, they know you, the real you. They know that that person was not you. You would never intentionally hurt them"

"But I did, Keith. I watched me do it -- I saw the whole thing!"

"What are you talking about?"

Lance sighed heavily. "When that other... thing took over my body, I blacked out. But when I came to, I was literally nowhere. There was nothing around, no color, no sound. It was all black. I couldn't yell or scream or anything. It's like I didn't have a voice there. But then far away, there was this light, and I thought it was a way out, and so I ran to it. But it turns out it was my own personal screening of the terrible things I was doing in the outside world. I saw what they were seeing... all of it. And I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"The fact that you are you right now when ten minutes ago, you were a blood-thirsty psychopath, says a lot about  what you are able to do. You fought through the spell, and you won," Keith assured him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it affectionately. "You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, trust me. They'll understand."

Some light returned to Lance's eyes. "You really believe that?"

"Of course, I do," Keith promised, but then frowned. "Why would I lie?"

Lance shrugged gloomily. "It was a pretty messed up thing, though. That's all..."

Keith bit his lower lip. "If the roles were reversed, what would you do?"

"What?"

"If the roles were reversed... If I was down there, or Hunk or Pidge or whomever, and I came back with this magical alter ego that I couldn't control and went berserk on everybody, and you knew it wasn't me, what would you do?"

"I would try to get through to you... And then I'd go back down there and kick whoever's ass that decided it was a good idea to hurt you," Lance said after a moment of pondering.

"And what makes you think that they wouldn't do the same?" Keith asked, gazing at him with furrowed eyes.

Lance met his gaze. His eyes were glazed with tears that he was desperately trying to blink away. "Because I'm me. Because I'm the only one on this team that doesn't contribute much of everything. Because I'm the most expendable..."

Keith blinked, heartbroken. How could he ever think he's useless...? "How'd you ever come to that conclusion?"

"Keith, those are my biggest doubts in life -- that I'll never be god enough, that I'll never live up to my part, that I'll be seen as a burden. And when I was down there, Striatha exploited that. And I know it's all part of her master plan and that she was just trying to get inside my head, but it worked. I have more doubts than ever, more insecurities... And I can't fight them. They're my demons that never go away..." Lance admitted, stopping in his tracks. "Every time I try to tell myself otherwise, something always happens to prove me wrong. I just couldn't keep denying what seemed to be the truth."