Breathe Me || Completed

5.3

5.3 - Rowan Lane

On our way back to the house, we have to walk down Ryann's street. A couple of my friends live here, actually, Jean and Danny and a few others, but I think from now on Rowan Lane is going to be Ryann's street to me.

Samantha is carrying the four grocery bags in her ropy arms. I hadn't noticed her muscles until now, now that they're right next to my face, glinting in the sun.

She seems to be in a good enough mood, swinging the bags back and forth against her legs, so I dare to ask, "Do you work out?"

Samantha glances at me, looking perplexed. Then she catches me looking at her biceps. "Oh, you mean these?" she says, holding up one arm and flexing. She gives her muscle a kiss, smirking at me over her arm. Yes, I mean that, of course I do, now quit making my stomach fold in on itself like that. "They're from basketball."

"You play basketball?"

"No, Sally. They're from watching basketball. All that clapping, it really builds up muscle mass . . ."

Well, alright. I try to imagine Samantha on the basketball court, try to imagine her doing anything actually sincere, but my imagination fails me. I wonder if she laughs and jokes with her teammates. I wonder if she lets them clap her on the back and hug her when they've won a game together. Ah, the details of the life of Samantha Novey, things I can never hope to find out. What kind of shampoo does she use? Is she still a virgin? Is she in contact with her father anymore? Questions I could ask, possibly at the expense of my life. I keep quiet.

When we pass Danny's house, I catch sight of him in the backyard, sitting on the ground in front of his little garden. I tell Samantha, "You go on. I'll catch up."

"What? No," she snaps. "I don't know where the fuck I'm going."

"Well, fine, you can come, just don't say anything."

"Got it." But her eyebrow-raised grin says otherwise. I sigh. There's really no preventing her. Why try? Poor Danny, he doesn't deserve her demonry. But he's already seen me and smiled at me and he's expecting me to come over, so I do.

Danny's garden is small but beautiful. He has hydrangeas in both corners, the rest filled with lilies, daisies, roses, tulips, daffodils, and a lot of other things that I can't name. The flowers have just started to bloom under the sweet, mothering hand of June. The garden is shaped like a C, a little patch of stones in the center. Danny sits on the stones, rubbing his fingers over the concrete, just thinking, maybe, just remembering.

"Hey you," he says.

"Hey, Danny." I point behind me at the lurking shadow of death that follows me everywhere I go. "This is my friend Samantha."

"Oh, yeah, I heard about you," he says.

Samantha snorts. "Yeah, I'm big news."

Danny gets up and dusts off his shorts. He's a very sweet-looking boy with his dusty pink cheeks and wavy brown hair. His olive green eyes are soft and sympathetic. Whenever we were harassed to reveal our crushes in seventh and eighth grade, I would always say Danny Webster and he would always say Sally Jean Pierre. We came out to each other before we came out to anyone else. Actually, he's still the only person I've explicitly told. I've only ever said the words "I'm gay" one time, and it was to Danny.

He hugs me around my waist while Samantha watches with her perpetual sneer. He puts his hand out to Samantha who, luckily, shakes it without any drama.

"Do you guys want to sit down?" he asks. "You're welcome to hang with me -- I'm not busy."

"That sounds good," I admit. "But we have like, milk and stuff with us." Samantha pumps her arms up, muscles contracting as she shows off her four plastic shopping bags. "Don't want it to go bad in the sun. But next time, okay?"

"Alright, Sal." Danny gives me a kind smile and another hug. Then he opens his arms to Samantha too. "Good to meet you," he says.

There's a moment where I think she's going to deck him with one of the grocery bags. But she doesn't, actually. She's full of surprises today. She's like a newborn, I think, cranky until you feed her. Samantha just stands still and lets Danny put his arms around her. She's about five inches taller than him so his head falls right underneath hers. She sort of smiles at him.

"Alright," he says. "See you guys around, then."

"See you, Danny."

We start to walk away.

"Love you!" Danny calls after me.

Samantha smirks at the air in front of her, shaking her head. I opt to ignore her this time. "Love you too!" I reply over my shoulder.

I do love him. He's a very kind person and if we weren't both so gay I think we would probably be together. As it is, there are very few openly gay people in Stone Harbor, so Danny takes me as his date to our school dances and such. Better than going alone, at least.

"He's heard about me," says Samantha, squinting at the sun.

"Yeah. . . people around here are really bored. Whenever somebody new shows up we all sort of freak out."

"Hmm. Okay."

We pass Jean's house and a boy named Tom's house, and then finally, we pass Ryann's house. I know it's hers because her dog is running around inside the fence, veering in crazy circles when he catches a whiff of us. He looks like the dog from the target commercials. He jumps up against the white wooden fence, his little white ears popping up with every jump. I increase my speed but Samantha, of course, is content to saunter on. She looks the house up and down.

We're almost past Rowan Lane, almost out of the woods, when an all too familiar voice shouts, "Sally!"

It's Ryann, leaning out the window of her bedroom on the second floor. She waves at me with a huge grin on her face. I squint up at her, trying to ignore the instinct that says, run away, run away, run away.

"Wait right there!" she shouts. "I'm gonna come down."

We wait. Samantha glances at me, unamused. The front door clicks open and Ryann comes out in cutoff shorts and a crop top that shows a strip of her tanned, golden belly. She looks delicious, which is a word that comes to my mind that I immediately reject. But she is like a little cupcake, isn't she, or a warm toaster strudel. You could just eat her up.

The dog rushes toward her when she comes down the steps, barking at her and clawing. His body is fat and pale like a furry pig. She scratches him on the ears and pretty much shoves him aside. My stomach twists and writhes as she draws nearer. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Hey, Sal," she says. She glances at Samantha and smiles. "Sam, right?"

"Samantha," says Samantha.

"Alright." She turns back to me. Her eyes are bright and green, but she's closed today. There's something behind them that she isn't showing me. "Do you guys want to come inside?" she asks. "I could use some company."

"Sorry, but we --" I start to say.

"Please?" Her smile falls away gradually like the sun setting into the mountains. Her lips settle into a fragile pout. What could you say to a face like that except for yes?