Breathe Me || Completed

15.3

15.3 - Together

I do rather like Dexter's friends.

Mae and Buzz, of course, but also Kyle, Matt and Christina who fill up the seats behind us. None of them threaten to tell like Mae did -- Kyle introduces himself, Matt gives a little wave, and Christina offers a tired grin from her seat beside Buzz.

Christina and Mae might have something going on, I think. Christina keeps glancing at her former seat-mate, trying to catch her eye. Mae doesn't look back at her.

They're full of questions. We talk quietly, eyes darting to the front of the bus where the red-clad adults are sitting as the vehicle begins to shudder out of the rest-stop parking lot.

"So you guys came from Maine?" asks Matt. He has darker skin than mine, short hair and a serious face.

I nod.

Kyle shakes his head, chomping down on a piece of juicy fruit gum. He's wiry and pale, rectangular glasses perched on his nose. He says, "Dude, that's awesome. I always wanted to run away but I don't have the guts. Couldn't do it."

They're all looking at me. I'm supposed to answer them. I glance at Samantha -- she always has something to say -- but unfortunately, she snoozes on, muttering something incoherent into my shoulder.

I clear my throat. "Yeah, I didn't really think I could either," I say. "But . . . y'know." They don't know, of course, but they nod like they do.

Christina leans forward, her elbows dug into her knees. She has long brown hair and wide-framed glasses, a red and black flannel framing her bright yellow Camp Latoya t-shirt. Her freckles and slight smirk give her the look of an imp in disguise as a hipster nerd. She says, "If you don't mind me asking, why'd you do it? Your parents looked super confused on the news. Like, they had no idea why you left."

Jesus Christ, I need to see this news clip. Everyone keeps telling me about it -- why are my parents on the news? Stop that.

"Um." I scratch the back of my neck, glancing at Samantha again. "It's hard to explain," I say.

Kyle shrugs. "We have time. Nothing else to do on this fucking bus."

The others nod in agreement.

Well, Sally. What've you gotten yourself into, now? I open my mouth to try to formulate a response. "Well . . . um, I guess it wasn't really about me. My life was fine." That much is true. But where to go from there?

Mae looks sympathetic. She glances at Samantha's still corpse pressed against the side of my body and smiles. She juts her chin toward Samantha. "She talked you into it, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess she did."

Christina takes off her glasses and cleans them on her shirt, looking down as she asks, "So are you guys like, an item?"

My heart freezes for a moment. No no no no, is the instant response that comes to mind. No no no, you've got it all wrong, I'm not, we're not, it's not like that.

But.

I'm never going to see them again, am I?

I take a deep breath and lean my head onto Samantha's skull. "Yeah, I guess so," I hear myself saying. "We've been best friends since we were kids but . . . you know. It turned into something else."

That's the simplified version, of course, but it's a cleansing feeling to tell the truth.

"You guys are cute," says Mae.

"Yeah," Dexter agrees.

Alright. We're cute.

Of course, these words are enough to awaken Samantha. My dearest darling Satan won't stand to be called "cute". Her head jerks suddenly off of my shoulder and she twitches into wakefulness, letting out a violent yawn. She stretches her arms so far that she almost punches silent, hunched Krystal in the face. She rubs her eyes and looks around at all the unfamiliar faces. "Hello," she says.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"I'm Buzz! Nice to meet you."

"Hello, there."

Samantha blinks at the lot of them. Then she puts her face back into my neck and I feel her close her eyes again.

I shake her away from me. "Hey, don't fall asleep," I say. "Stay." What I want to say is, help me, they're asking me things. How do you interact with people? Tell me.

"Fuck off, Sally," she moans, but she sits up. She glances around at Dexter's friends with dead eyes, lids halfway down so she only shows part of the collection of red veins in the whites of her eyes. She leans down and digs in her backpack.

Mae smiles at us, the silver piercings around her lip shifting upwards. "Power nap?" she asks.

Samantha pulls two granola bars out of the bag, offering one to me. I take it. Chocolate pretzel, one of the good ones. She ignores Mae.

We're all quiet for a second while Samantha tears open the cellophane and devours the granola bar like a starving wolf. For a second, I can't figure out what they're staring at. Then I remember that normal people can't stuff a half-foot long block of fruit and nuts down their throat in a single bite without instantly choking to death. I glance away from her, trying not to giggle. She's rather talented, my demon. They stare and Samantha tucks the wrapper into the plastic trash bag, almost full by now.

Buzz fills the silence. "So how long have you guys been together?" he asks.

The sweat in my armpits and on my scalp and my palms go cold, freezes, prickles my skin. My breath catches, my heart burns. Everything. I can't look at her. I feel all the blood in my body rush to my head. Why can't I be a turtle, an armadillo, a dead person, put me in the ground, get me out of here.

Fear consumes me, a faceless beast -- when will the sledgehammer come down on my heart, when will she reject me?

But.

I feel Samantha's arm around my shoulder. I feel her gentle fingers in my hair, I feel her smile.

"Did Sally tell you we're together?" she asks. My heart clenches.

"Yeah," says Buzz. "Aren't you?"

Samantha chuckles, kisses my forehead. "We are," she says. "We're together. Sally just doesn't like to tell people." The tense chords of yarn in my stomach and throat unravel and I melt against her, into her, breathing out. I can feel them all looking, but for once, it doesn't matter.

Christina blows out an exasperated sigh from behind us. "I know how that feels," she says.

I glance over to see Mae throw her a furious look.

Christina, staring defiantly back at her, says, "We're together, too, Mae and I."

"Wait, what?" says Dexter.

"You're gay?" says Kyle.

Matt has his eyebrows raised in shock.

And Mae glares and glares and glares. She spends the rest of the bus in stormy silence, arms crossed over her chest.

One by one our companions fall asleep, until it's just us. Us. She holds me against her and we fall asleep together, Samantha dreaming of God knows what, and me dreaming of Samantha.