Basically.. My Life

Well hello.

This isn't a fanfic. Its just notes. Kind of.

The story of MY life.

No. Not the song. But actually just like a diary. My diary.

So i will tell you about myself. I will go by the name abie.

I am 14, going to be 15 in october. I have an older sister and a younger brother. My dad is in jail, and my mom lives in mexico because she doesnt have papers to be in the US.

I live with my so called 'aunt'. She really isnt, but since she always took care of my brother and i, we say she is. But she's not. She's not a mean person, she's actually very nice to me and my brother. My sister lives in Mexico, because she's a fuck up who doesnt want to face her problems. She's like something else, i swear. She has a son. He's gonna be one in august. Hes so cute.

I cant go a day without listening to music. I just cant. I'm always listening to music. One of my fave bands is 5 Seconds of Summer.

They literally mean the world to me. Without their music i dont know what i would do. I'm currently listening to 'wherever you are' such a beautiful song. I could go on and on about 5SOS but i dont want to bore you much with my light obsession.

My favorite color is black, red, and blue. Ohh i love the color burgundy. Is that how you spell it? I dont know. Its such a pretty color dont you think?

You probably think that i'm a phsyco, but im not. I swear. I just want to write about my bitch of a life that i have.

Let me tell you. My grandma means the world to me. I love her more than i could ever love my parents. My grandma has been like my mom and my dad, at the same time. I cant really describe to you how much she means to me.

Since i told you before that my dad is in jail. Well he wrote me a letter about a month ago. I havent replied. I dont think i will because if i do, i know that i'll just write him shit he deserved to be called.

He doesnt deserve for me to care for him. He never cared for me, why should he now? I mean. When he was out. Not in jail. He was with his girlfriend and her daughters.They arent even his and he cares more about them than us.

I just hate him so much. You know? I just want to have my parents. To be a happy family but i cant. Because thats how life is.

My mom is a druggie. All she cares about is her drugs. She not a bad person. She one of the most nicest persons you could ever meet. But the drugs always win her, she tries to change but she cant. I know that, that is an addiction. But why cant she try. For me or for my brother!?

Enough of my Fucked up parents. Lets go on.

I used to self harm. Used to. I dont do it anymore but i miss it. It kind if becomes a habbit, and you start to cut for no reason in particular. Its just a need that has to be done. I sometimes just want to cut but then i dont want to because i want to be strong. For myself. I want to fight my thoughts and let them know that they cant win me. I win because i have the power to think what i want and do what i want. They cant control me. But oh boy... Its hard. Its like a monter thats always right there next to you. Keeps telling you stuff that arent even true.

I sometimes starve myself. But i'm not anorexic. Or bullimic. I weight 150 lbs. so im not underweight. Im actually overweight. I just want to lose weight. And i cant just get in a diet because it got stuck to my head that if i eat, i get more fat. Even if its something healthy. But i'm always eating anyways. My aunt has been noticing that i stopped eating a little. But she has to calm her tits because i still eat anyways.

I lost over 10 lbs in like 2 months. I dont even know how. I have been eating like the pig that i am. Has to be a miracle i guess.

I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday. And its actually horrible and awesome at the same time. You know why? Because you cant really eat, but you can eat ice cream!! Thats awesome. I ate like half of the ice cream already. Im such a fatty i know. But whatever.

I havent really done much you know. Just being here doing nothing, only reading fanfictions.

I just love fanfictions you know? When you start reading a fanfic, its like getting to a world you want to be in. A fantasy that wont ever happen. But we can always dream right?

I think ive read mostly 80% of all the fanfictions here on wattpad. Theyre so awesome. Whoever writes those stories are like god.

They help me forget about the real world. Whats around me. They make me happy. Thet make me laugh. God the make my day sometimes. But they also make me cry. And they make me get mad and scream at my phone.

Its funny how a simple story or line can change your day. I swear.

I'm gonna tell you something, but you cant tell anyone. Okay?

I'm actually addicted to wattpad.

Sorry not sorry.

Everybody has addictions right? Well wattpad is one of mine.

Apart from some bands and boybands.

And yeah.

Boybands and bands are totally different! Just saying.

Like One Direction. Gosh my babes!! Theyre so perf i swear. Niall and his beautiful blue eyes! And zayn... God daaayummm!

Harry and his perfect legs i swear. Im jelly. His eyes too! His hair!! Okay moving on. Liam! Gosh liam is so.. So ... I don know how to say this but.. Genually perfect. And louis. God i'm worried about him. He's gotten so skinny. And hes looks so fragile. So weak. But hes literally amazing and i love his personality.

But im worried about the band. They dont really look happy anymore. They dont really smile. Or maybe its just me and my crazy imagination. But i'm still worried about them. Or maybe i just miss the old One Direction. The boys who would always play around. When they used to do the video diaries. Gosh i miss the video diaries!! They just got so famous and they slipped aways i guess.

And Bands. Actually bands and not BOY BANDS. Like

-Pierce the Veil

-Sleeping With Sirens

-Black Veil Brides

-Blink 182

-Mayday Parade

-ALL TIME LOW. (Fave)

And the list keeps going.

Bands and boybands are different. I dont know how to explain this but they are. Like 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction. They're completely different.

If you dont understand what i'm saying then go to google or something. I'm not your yahoo answers. Okay? Okay. lol

I wrote this in a hour. I probably just wrote crap. But i hope someone reads this. I just want to let my thoughts out.

I will write more. This isnt just going to be like a one time thing. I will write everyday, and maybe every week or month. I dont really know. It depends if i get wifi. But if i get a chance that i get wifi. The first thing i'll do is post what i have written.

Just hang in there please.

And maybe we can all be friends and talk about our fucked up lifes. Or maybe even help eachother.

I dont really know. I just want someone to know everything.

I guess i'll see you later then. Well not 'see' since we cant see eachthers faces. But you know what i mean right?

Bye & thankyou for reading my about my crappy life lol. See you later.