It's Always Been You

Chapter 6

"Simon?" Jace saw how Simon was struggling to breathe. "Hey, Simon? Breathe, it's OK. I'm here." Simon squeezed his eyes shut and made a strangled sound. His hands were clenched into fists. "Hey, it's OK. It's OK. I don't know if you want me to touch you, but please breathe."

Simon made a sound that broke Jace's heart. He wasn't sure what happened with Camille but he had never hated someone so much. And he didn't even know her. "Simon, can you hear me?" Jace tried again. Then he thought, Fuck it. He reached out slowly and stroked Simon's fists. "Babe, I don't know what to do."

Simon's fist relaxed, but not by much. He was still trying to breathe, but he was looking at Jace. "M-My chest." He choked. "I-I..."

"It's OK." Jace said, his own voice shaking. "It's just us here. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. I'll kick Camille's ass if she so much as looks at you. Breathe for me..."

Simon took a small breath, then another. Then a dry sob tore out of him before he gripped Jace's hand. "You-you can't hit girls." He whispered rawly.

Jace couldn't help the shaky laugh that escaped him. "Probably. We could always get Gretel to do it."

Simon threw himself on Jace and squeezed him. He was shaking. "I-I'm s-sorry. I th-thought I was past this."

"Hey." Jace said, squeezing him. "I got you. You don't have to apologize for having a panic attack."

Simon curled against him. "I was 19 again. And I felt worthless. She-She said I was just a way to pass the time. I mean, I should have seen it coming. She was 22 and beautiful. And I was...well, me. And she chose me. At least that was what it looked like. I loved her, with everything I had. And she threw me away."

Jace didn't say anything. He just held Simon close and tried not to react. But he was fuming. Simon looked up at him. "Your heart is beating too fast. Are you OK?"

"I'm fine." Jace said, smiling. "I was just..."

"Jace..." Simon said. "I don't love her anymore. She was just...my first love. I thought I had met my soulmate. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in six years...I'm not hung up on her."

Leave it to Simon to pull this shit. Jace laughed. "Simon, is it weird that I don't want you hurt?"

"No." Simon said immediately. "I don't want you to get hurt either. I don't want to hurt you."

"Are you OK?" Jace asked. "Do you want to watch one of your...movies?"

"No." Simon said, "I want you to fuck me."

"Jesus, Lewis." Jace laughed. "That's..." Simon kissed him. It was the dirtiest kiss he had ever had in his life. When Simon pulled away, he followed his lips. "Uh..."

"Yea?" Simon looked at him, innocently.

"Oh hell, yea."

******

"Damn it Jace!" Simon growled as Jace thrust slowly. "I'm not made of glass. Harder!" He pulled at Jace's hair as he tried to hurry him along.

"I would consider tying you up and gagging you, but you'd probably like that." Jace said on a shaky laugh. "Be patient."

Since they had started they had never actually gone all the way, Jace going along with the pace Simon set. Not that he didn't enjoy it. It was fun.

However, this...this was almost too much. He was practically coming out of his skin. Simon had sent his self - control spiraling from the kiss in the living room after his panic attack and it had be hanging by a thread since.