The Holy Text of Smithers (simpsons unrelated)

History of the Reformation

     Many a follower have told me - "These rules are too restrictive. Smithers wouldn't advocate this." And to that, I say, yay, there is an event in Smitherian past, one whose influence will soon come to fruition. This event was known, to historians, as the Great Reformation.

     1200 years past, a fellow prophet was managing one of our many underground chapels. The secrecy of our religion was due to the ever-present ostracizing of our people, due to our beliefs. Our controversial practices are what began to plant the seeds of revolution in the minds of the followers. The aforementioned prophet was speaking at that weeks meeting, when, all of a sudden, the English government stormed in and arrested or executed those who didn't manage to escape the oppressive grasp of the government. Those who were captured, and managed to live, sat imprisoned for 3 months before taking action.

     One fateful night, one of the imprisoned was praying to Smithers, when he suddenly received direct word. According to the accounts of the witnesses, Smithers began to tell them his plan to take revenge on those who denied his existence. This is his word.

    "The patriarchal group on filth I have created can stand no longer. Make them feel the reality of the nothing they are. Destroy the power they have not nor ever will hold. Failure to do so will result in the eventual demise of the religion, and thus, the world itself."

     Our heroes, now sages, got to work. They devised a plan to escape, and after they did, would go on to create the Greater Smitherian Church. The establishment of such a radically different institution sent a sect of other followers into an outcry, claiming the outspoken nature of the church was never intended by Smithers himself. This sect then broke off to form a new religion. Fortunately, however, they no longer stand, as they were executed by the those carrying out Smithers' desires. The new church then created its own hierarchical system, which some still oppose to this day. That is why we cannot oppose these rules. Smithers' chosen religion would descend into the nothing we all blissfully ignore. He would destroy us for not carrying out his desires, however possible he wanted. We must follow. We have no choice. We are nothing.