The Holy Text of Smithers (simpsons unrelated)

Book II - The Book of Tyrone

     The story of Tyrone begins with Smithers' first humans - Muhammed and Sofia Smith, both engaged in wedlock from their creation. However, when Smithers first created the two, he felt he had made a mistake. Thus, he invented pain to make them miserable. To Smithers' dismay, though, this did not stop them from pumping out babies like the Chinese government pumps out abortions. He then decided to make childbirth incredibly painful, to hopefully stop the two from having so many children. This did not stop them. They just kept having sex, all day and night, because they had nothing else to do, as the internet had not been invented yet. So, as a last-ditch effort, Smithers made the male and female mind think so radically different from each other that just the thought of compreding the mind of the opposite sex would inflict an existential crisis upon the thinker. This shut them up well, so Smithers could sleep in peace for the next generation.

     Muhammed and Sofia had 5 children - John, Juan, Julia, Julio, and Jackie. This is because, after reconciling their differences, Muhammed and Sofia decided to get married, because they didn't like the idea of contemplating the nature of reality and the human mind every day for the rest of their Smithers-forsaken lives. Jackie was the oldest of the children, and she married John so they could go on to start a city together. Juan and Julio got in an argument as to who would marry Julia, with the fight ending in the ravaged corpse of Juan sitting out for the vultures. Julio then threatened Julia with death if they didn't get married, and she reluctantly agreed, still traumatised by the sight of Juan's internal organs being strewn over the landscape like a morbid spaghetti. Now, If you'd notice, these children changed races, from white to hispanic. This is because Smithers had a latina fetish, but none of the hispanics were girls. He then placed a curse on Julio - one affecting their next two children. 3 years later, said child was born to Julio and Julia - the aftermath of both inbreeding and Smithers' curse - Tyrone. His skin was significantly darker than his parents, with larger lips and curly hair to boot. When Julia noticed this, she decided he was too different to uphold the J name tradition, giving him the name Tyrone, unknowingly starting the reign of the T tribe.

     12 years after Tyrone was born, Julio and Julia had had 12 more children, all moving out to explore the world and start their own civilizations. Except for Tyrone, and his sister T'Keysha. They were angered that they had been cursed by Smithers, and nobody else. They were too immature to understand the complex mind of their god, and went off to start their own civilization. This is known as the beginning of the T tribe. While all other children had migrated north to Asia Minor, Europe, Asia, and the Americas, the T tribe stayed in Africa, starting their reign of power over the massive, uncontested continent. They had invented false gods to worship, in a spiteful act against Smithers. This would start a trend, one that went worldwide. However, even though they had averted their eyes from the truth, Tyrone and T'Keysha had their own children, sharing their physical characteristics, with the T tribe going on to conquer all of Africa. The folly of the T tribe had started the religious downfall of the entire human species, and Smithers would not leave them unpunished. He cast a curse on all humans, causing each individual civilization to speak a different language. (Continued in Book III - The Book of Sha'qui'qui).

     P.S. - If you're wondering what happened to Jackie and John's children, they migrated north to the lands of Germany, Italy, and Spain, then moving to the Americas millenia later. Only select descendants still carry on the J tradition, with the highest concentration of J descendants being found in Generation Z.