Forever Isn't Always Easy

1. See you again soon sucks (Juliana)

MIT was just not going to be the same without Abigail. I had never known college without her. And yes, she was only a FaceTime away, but it still sucked. Now, I had to say see you again soon to my boyfriend and my best friend.

This sucked.

I texted Robbie.

Me: I don't know how I'm going to make it through the school year without Abi here. I don't have anybody. I literally have her and you, and I have to say see you again soon to you both. I hate this.

Sometimes I wondered how Robbie and I had worked out so well for so long. He was such a popular person, and I was about as far from popular as one could be. He was the star wide-receiver at Alabama; everybody knew who he was, and I was no different than any other face in the crowd here at MIT.

Senior year was already kicking my tail. I was going to have to work even harder to keep my 4.0. Since starting college, I had to work a lot harder for my grades.

I grabbed my book for my class tomorrow, so I could start reading the information that was going to be covered in lecture tomorrow. I needed to read a solid forty-five pages.

I looked up from my book, and my eyes immediately were drawn to my phone. It was now 11:30 PM, and Robbie still had not texted me back.

I understood that we both lived different, busy lives, but Robbie was usually good at texting me back about the important things.

It had been a couple hours since I texted him, so I sent him another text.

Me: Just saying when your girlfriend texts you upset about something, it's a good idea to text back.

Hoping he'd text back soon, I got ready for bed.

I opened up Instagram; I always do whenever I'm trying to wind down. It's part of my routine.

As I was scrolling through my feed, I saw Robbie had posted a picture with Haleigh Yates -- one of his friends from his campus ministry. They were posing in what looked like a homemade photobooth. He had captioned it "lucky enough to snag a hug from the birthday girl! 😜 #yatesis21"

So that's where he'd been. That's why he didn't answer me. I sighed. I didn't care that he had friends that were girls; I trusted him. What I did not like, however, is that he could not take 20 seconds to respond to me when I was upset about something, or the fact that he hadn't even told me he was going to a birthday party tonight.

I liked the picture, put my phone on charge, and then turned over to go to sleep.

Whoever said that saying that goes something like never go to sleep angry obviously was not in a relationship with someone like Robbie.

I fumbled for the snooze button on the screaming alarm. I didn't want to go to Biological Engineering Design this morning, but I needed to.

I looked at my phone, and Robbie still had not texted me back. I could kill him. How hard was it to say "I'm sorry" or just even an emoji at this point?

I texted him again.

Me: I know you're busy but seriously? You can't even send an emoji when I'm upset !

Robbie: jules, you'd probably still be upset if i had sent just an emoji. i was out celebrating haleigh's 21st last night.

Me: I know. I saw the picture. It just hurt me that you couldn't text me back yet you could post on Instagram.

Robbie's face came up on my screen. He was wanting to FaceTime. I accepted it, and a shirtless Robbie popped up on my screen.

I assumed he was FaceTiming me because we were fighting. Early on in the long distance phase of our relationship, we had decided to never fight over iMessage. Stuff always got taken out of context.

"Look, I posted on Instagram while at the party, and you know how I am when I'm with a bunch of people. I hardly touch my phone." He still had his sleepy voice.

"So you saw my text on your way to Instagram and ignored me. How is that kind?"

"Jules, I promise you I was not intentionally ignoring you. I got caught up in the moment of everything and was present at Haleigh's party. I'm sorry."

"I didn't even know you were going to a birthday party last night. You've gotten so bad at communicating with me lately."

"Well my bad for not sending you a printed itinerary of my life in advance." He snapped. I could tell he was getting angrier. He hated being told he had done something wrong.

"Robbie," I closed my eyes, trying to hold back my tears. "I didn't mean it like that, and it doesn't look like either of us are in a good enough mental space to be doing this. I'll talk to you later, okay? I love you."

"Yeah. I love you too." He ended the call.

I really hadn't meant for this to escalate to the level it had. I hated fighting with Robbie. It made my whole day feel off.

Our 4 year anniversary was approaching, and it was definitely safe to say that Robbie had become a big part of my life and me his. So when something wasn't quite right between us, something felt off.

I got ready for the day and went to class. It was going to be a struggle to pay attention today. All I could think about was how I knew nobody in the room or at this school anymore. My roommate, Lauren, and I didn't get along the greatest, but I decided to room with her again because it was easier than maybe rooming with somebody who I did not get along with at all. I knew all Lauren's quirks already. We worked well enough.

I texted Robbie.

Me: I hate fighting with you. I didn't mean for this to escalate this much. I'm just scared of losing you. 😔

I saw the grey bubbles pop up on the screen.

Robbie: i hate fighting with you too, jules. it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than fighting over an unanswered text to lose me. 😜 we'll get through it. i'll talk to you tonight?

Me: That works, yeah. ☺️

I felt someone tap my shoulder. My head quickly turned to see it was Nick Holcombe-one of the many guys in my class. "You have really pretty hair, Juliana."

I blushed a little. "Thanks. My boyfriend says the same thing."

"Can only imagine why." He smiled.
"You're dating that wide-reciver from Alabama, right?"

"Yep. That'd be Robbie."

"That's cool. Tell him Alabama is my favorite team! Oh and there's a party tonight if you want to come."

I grimaced, "I'm a bit of a grandma, I don't really party. Plus, I'm supposed to talk through some stuff with Robbie tonight."

"Oh, okay, yeah. I just noticed you're never at anything, and I thought maybe it was because you didn't get invited."

"I already know I'm not popular." I tried to smile. "I didn't really need the reminder."