Can you keep a secret? [English]

{6}

'My shirt. Where is my shirt?'

I search through the entire bathroom but I just can't find it. I looked in every square centimeter but nothing!
'I can't believe it. Am I too stupid to remember where I had put my shirt?'

How hard is it to find a plain white shirt? Apparently, too hard for me. I have moved every item, have opened every closet and have looked like a mad man, trying to find this damn shirt.
Of course, I could sleep without my shirt, but I prefer not to. Besides how would Ámbar feel when a stranger sleeps half naked in her apartment.
Eventually, I decide it couldn't be in the bathroom, although I was damn sure it was-hiding from me!
But maybe Ámbar had seen it or can lend me one of her fiancé's. Even though he does not know about this place, maybe Ámbar stole one or two shirts from him. My Ex-girlfriend always used to do that. I still haven't got them back!

I hear a sound coming form Ámbars room, so I follow it.
"Hey, Ámbar. Do you have a-" Shirt for me?, I finish the sentence in my head, because Ámbar blows my voice away. My jaw drops when I see Ámbar in her black panties and slips over her shirt.
"Wow", is all I can say and I didn't even intend to. I have a strange feeling in my chest.
How can a girl, that I met just hours ago, can checkmate my senses?

"Simón!", she yells back in surprise and pulls her shirt down as fast as possible. "Did no one teach you how to knock?!" Ámbar put her hands on her hips and looks at me indignantly.

I murmur an apology but keep starring at her. She must think I am a creep and my behavior right now is not a classy one but I can't look away. Ámbar raises her eyebrow a fraction waiting for me to do something. But I am caught in a different dimension. A world where I forgot everything about the real world and now it's just me and Ámbar. Ámbar pulls me towards her like an external force and I can't fight against it. I don't want to fight against it.

I step forward. Ámbar doesn't move. Her eyes rest calmly on me.
A few more steps and I stand right in front of her. My eyes meet her blue ones and my heart pounds wildly in my chest. There is a tingling feeling all over my body, that makes me feel scared. My gaze drops down to her soft-looking lips. A voice inside of me screams at me to back off, that I should turn around, go to sleep and leave Ámbar alone for the rest of the night. Nothing good would come from it.
But stubbornly as I am, I ignore the warning and push the voice beside.

My hand moves automatically, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Then my hand slowly lowers to her neck. My thumb caresses her skin. Ámbar tries to stay calm but her breath quickens and gives her away. I lower my head, my eyes are focused on her lips. Ámbar comes with her face slowly closer, moving back and forth-visibly fighting against her own senses. The tip of our noses brush against each other. I feel her warm, shivering breath against my skin.

"We shouldn't do this.", she whispers with a weak voice. I nod almost not noticeable.
"I know"
Our lips touch lightly. My heart pushes against the walls of my ribcage. It hurts. It hurts that I desire her so much. This is something I want badly. This feels too strong for my body to handle. Everything inside me feels electrified, unstrung. What is happening?
"We are doing a mistake." ,Ámbar mumbles while our lips brush a second time.
"I know."
'But it's a mistake I am willing to take'

I close the space between us. At first our kiss was soft and gentle but I soon pressed my lips harder against hers. My brain turned off. We kiss more and more passionate, putting all our pain, sorrows and worries in. For one moment we were able to stop the world and hold onto each other.
We part for a second to catch our breath. But the hungry look in our eyes draws us back together. My put my lips on hers, desiring for more. Then I wrap my hand around her waist and pull her closer. I don't want any space to part us. Ámbar places her arms around my neck. Her hands grab my shirt, pulling it slightly up. I kiss Ámbar deeper. There is no self-control inside of me. Ámbar clouds my mind. Slowly we tumble backwards, falling onto her bed. Our kiss breaks for a second. I take the opportunity and leave trail of soft kisses on her neck.
"Simón", Ámbar moans quietly, "This is wrong."
I stop and look at her. My chest rises and falls rapidly.
"Do you want me to stop?" I pant and hope she doesn't hear my disappointment.
Ámbar looks me in the eyes. Determination glowed in her eyes.
"Don't you dare."

In the next second, Ámbar cups my face and pulls me down to her. Before I know what just happened, I find myself in a passionate kiss, forgetting everything.

***

I lay wide awake.
The moon light shines through the window, painting the room in soft blue and silver colors.
It's quiet. I don't hear late night emergency sirens, or cars or early birds chirping. It's all quiet.

The only thing I hear is Ámbars even breaths next to me. She is sleeps soundly and probably is dreaming.
A dream... This is how this feels. Like a dream. I couldn't get a wink of sleep. Every second, every minute that passes, means a moment closer to my departure, which means goodbye comes near. I can't hide from it. I never could. But it was worth trying.
The thought to leave Ámbar, probably hurts the most. We have just met. It just started.... I can't do this.
Damn it! I can't do this!
My heart beats faster and I get angrier the more I have to think about how this moment won't last longer. I look at Ámbar. She seems so peaceful, so relaxed in her sleep, as if life could not harm her. I should have never come into her life. I am taking this from her.
She was broken before and I will add some pain with my departure. I will be the next scare. I don't want that. I don't want to see her face when we say our goodbyes, knowing that we might never see each other again.

I place a soft kiss on her temple. Then pull my arm back carefully and get up. I can't stand being next to her knowing that in a few hours I will be thousand of kilometers away in my own apartment. My family will be there. My friends will be there.
But she won't.

Day-to-day life will turn back on and soon enough overtake us. She, in her world- I, in my world. There is no space for the both of us together.

She will be a memory of my last night in Buenos Aires. But in my heart I know, she will be much more than this. What happened in this night has to stay a secret. I want to keep the memory o tonight for myself, because this night was all about us. It's a night like no other.

My gaze falls back on Ámbar. She hasn't moved an inch. My heart feels heavy in my chest.
I don't want to look at her face when I leave her. I don't want to see the look in her eyes, when I go. I want to take the moment as it is and keep it forever safe. This way, I will be safe from the pain.
So I grab my jeans and my jacket and get dressed. To look for my shirt would take too much time and I don't want to risk her waking up.
When I stand in the door, I look at her one last time.

"I am sorry", I whisper and leave. 

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Well... I don't have anything to say to that. I just leave it like that.

But if you do wanna say something about - don't hesitate to write it in the comments! I'd love to hear from you.

Until next time

R.C.