Closet Thoughts (a short Joshler story) 🏳️‍🌈 ✔️

🏕14🌲🔥🐻

Tyler pressed a soft kiss to Josh's neck, and another one. Josh gently trailed his fingertips up and down Tyler's back and Josh could feel another kiss being pressed to the skin of his neck.

"Hey Ty?" Josh asked softly. Tyler hummed, resting his head on Josh's shoulder. They were still hugging each other.

"Can you talk to me?" He asked. Tyler lifted his head up, giving him a slightly confused look.

"I mean... y'know, like I just did", he softly said. "Is there anything you can tell me? 'Cause I need to know... what you're doing", he softly said.

Tyler understood what his best friend meant. He didn't even think about it; just because Josh liked him, didn't mean - at least to Josh - that Tyler liked him back just because he was gay too. Tyler hadn't replied to what Josh had said yet, except for the hug and many tears.

Tyler sat back a bit, away from Josh but close enough to create space while still holding Josh's hand.

"A few years ago, well actually quite a lot of years ago, I started thinking of you a lot", Tyler said.

"Even when we were really young boys. Like, maybe 9 or 10 even. I was like 'wow. I have the coolest best friend ever'. And that never really went away. So when we got older, it just got worse. Like, I was constantly thinking of you. You were constantly in the back of my head. I kept thinking 'I have the greatest best friend in the world. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him. I wish I could tell him right now. I hope he's doing alright. I hope he's feeling well and he's confident. I hope he's feeling lucky to have me too. I hope I'm a good friend to him too, just like he's such an amazing friend to me. I wonder what he's up to right now. I wish we could hang out right now even though it's 2 AM', thoughts like that. And when I heard that you were gonna hang out with others and not me, or you were invited to a party without me, I felt awful. Especially when it was with other guys. Took me a long time to realize that I was jealous. That I wanted to spend every moment with you. That that's why you were in the back of my mind, and still are, 24/7. That's why, when I started googling and found out what being gay was, you were the first guy to pop up in my head. That's why my eyes always lingered a little too long when you were changing in the dressing room, or when we were showering after practice or after a game together. That's why I didn't want to cuddle you but really wanted to cuddle you when you found out about my scars and when I was feeling so lonely. That's why... why I stopped asking you to hang out with me after school and in weekends as often as we used to. And why I canceled a lot when you asked me to hang out. Because I wanted to distance me from you. Because I was feeling a lot of unexplainable things when you were around me. And... that's also a reason why I got... depressed, I guess", Tyler softly spoke the last sentence. He'd never said that out loud. Had never used the word to describe himself even in his own mind. It was scary to him.

"Because I... I couldn't be gay because I'd be at risk of losing literally everything I have. Scholarship, friends, future... especially if I was in love with my best friend Josh", Tyler softly smiled, but his smile quickly fell again. Josh noticed that it was still hard for him.

"So I decided to keep it to me and to hurt me in private. It was better than to lose my life", Tyler shrugged softly.

"Hearing you say that you're in love with me makes me feel so weird inside. So, so scared but so so so happy. I've been in love with you for so long, Josh, and while everything is at risk and while I've been feeling so lonely and depressed and while I've been hurting myself on the inside and outside... somehow, for some reason I don't know, you fell in love with me too", he spoke. His voice cracked at the last sentence.

"And I can't believe its true", he said, squeezing Josh's hands in his gently. "I really can't. 'Cause after feeling so dreadful and so hopeless and lonely and empty... I'm feeling so insanely lucky and happy to be me right now 'cause you're in love with me and I'm in love with you too."

Tyler let out a soft, surprised sound when Josh suddenly pushed himself up and connected his lips with Tyler's. He pushed Tyler back so he was lying on the bed and Josh was hovering over him as he kissed his best friend.

Tyler's right hand was in Josh's neck while the other one slid down his arm and grabbed Josh's right hand. They intertwined their fingers and Josh deepened the kiss.

But suddenly there was a knock on the door and both boys basically got a heart attack. Josh pretty much jumped off of Tyler, rolling on his side next to him, and the door opened.

"Hey Kelly", Josh smiled sheepishly. Tyler was trying to hide his blush from his mom.

"Hi boys, how was your day?" She asked. "It was uh- it was great", Tyler replied. Josh hummed.

Tyler and Josh's hands were still intertwined right behind Josh's back, exactly where Kelly couldn't see it.

"Where did you take Josh?" Kelly asked Tyler. "The uh..." Tyler trailed.

"The... Aquarium", Josh made up. "Right! The aquarium. It was eh, really cool", Tyler hummed.

"Yeah. Lost of uh... fish. Cool fish. Great fish", Josh agreed. "Yeah, so great", Tyler nodded. "Yeah. Rainbow fish and stuff", Josh said. Tyler hummed in agreement. "Seahorses. Seahorses too." "Right. And tiny sharks. Quite sad actually", Josh said. "Oh yeah", Tyler agreed.

"Sounds like you both had a nice day indeed. Are you staying over, Josh?" She asked.

"Yeah if that's okay", Josh replied. "Of course it is, always. I wonder when you're gonna stop asking me if it's okay, you know the answer", she smiled. Josh laughed softly. "Right. Thanks, momma", he said.

"Good night you two", Kelly told them. "Night, mom", Tyler replied. She closed the door.

Both boys let out a deep sigh, and Josh rolled on his back next to Tyler again. Their hands were still holding each other.

Both boys looked at each other. "So..." Josh trailed.

"Kiss me", Tyler replied.

He didn't have to say that twice.

~~

Yay! Cute stuff! What did you think of this? I'd love to hear from you!

I got tickets to three TOP shows next year!! So happy. Can't wait to see my boys again. Those 3 will make it a total of 11 TOP concerts ^•^ so excited. Did any of you guys get tickets? How often are you planning on seeing them next tour or how often have you seen them live already? And if you don't have tickets yet, are you planning on getting them tomorrow?

Love you guys!