Closet Thoughts (a short Joshler story) 🏳️‍🌈 ✔️

✈️22💺🛫🛬

That morning, Tyler felt someone shake his shoulder lightly, which woke him up. He frowned softly as he tightened his arm around Joshua, cuddling into his chest more. "Mhm Joshie", he muttered sleepily.

"It's momma, sweetie", he heard the soft whisper. His eyes shot open; he was wide awake immediately. He quickly got up as he let go of Josh and he pushed Josh's arms off of him, causing Josh to wake up too as Tyler shuffled away from him, creating space between them.

"I'm not gay", Tyler quickly said as he pulled the blankets around him. "Why- why did you- why are you here? Why didn't you knock?" He asked nervously, body shaking and he felt like crying. Swallowing was difficult.

"I did knock, sweetie, but you didn't answer and I figured I'd come wake you boys up since you have to go to basketball practice today and you already overslept", she said.

Tyler and Josh both didn't know what to say as they looked at Kelly and then Josh looked down, 'cause he didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He was sitting up just like tyler, and his heart cracked a little bit when he saw and felt Tyler het away from him quickly.

"I'm- I'm not- I'm not gay", Tyler stuttered. "We- we were asleep, I'm not gay I'm not gay, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not gay", he stuttered. "I'm not gay."

"Tyler, sweetie, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Kelly asked her son. "N-no stop! There's-there's nothing to talk a-about I'm not gay!" He said.

"...I am", Josh then softly said, carefully looking at Tyler, who completely froze and got quiet when he heard Josh speak those words.

"I'm-I'm gay, I am gay", Josh said softly as he turned to Kelly. He glanced at tyler before looking back at Kelly.

"Oh sweetie", Kelly said softly as she gently caressed Joshua's cheek. "You know we've always loved you right?" She said and Josh nodded. She smiled softly. "We always will, darling. We'll love you for who you are sweetie, we always will", she assured him and Josh smiled softly. "Thank you", he whispered. "You're only the third person who knows", he then added. "Does your momma know?" Kelly asked. Josh shook his head. "Uh, no, just- just Ty and Jeremy", he said.

"Jeremy?" Tyler whispered softly. Josh looked at his best friend. "Uh, yeah", he said as he nodded. "I-I told him that-that I'm gay", he said.

Kelly wrapped her arms around Josh tightly and she pressed a kiss on his cheek. "I'm proud of you, sweetie. I won't tell anyone unless you want me to. Your choice, honey", she told Josh, who gave her a tight hug back. "Thank you momma", he replied.

They pulled back and Tyler's lip quivered as he stared at Kelly and Josh, before he burst out in tears and he hid his face in his hands.

"Oh sweetie, Ty baby, why are you crying?" Kelly asked gently. Josh wanted so badly to reach over and hug his baby, but he didn't dare. He didn't want to do it without Tyler's permission.

Tyler couldn't reply as he cried, even harder then before. He was sobbing non stop and josh felt so bad for just sitting there and not doing anything but he couldn't bring himself to do so if he didn't know if he was allowed to.

When Tyler looked at Josh for just a second though, his eyes so broken and his expression completely shattered, Josh couldn't hold himself in any longer. He moved closer to Tyler and he wrapped his arms around his best friend, and to Tyler that felt like he had permission to not be frozen in place anymore. He let Josh hug him as he sobbed, his hand going up to rest in Josh's neck as he pushed his head against Josh's gently. Josh pressed a soft kiss on Tyler's shoulder and Tyler's other hand grabbed Josh's as they intertwined their fingers.

Tyler brought Josh's hand up to his lips and he pressed a soft kiss on it. His breath was hitching and he was clinging on to his best friend for dear life.

"Tyler, honey, talk to momma", Kelly softly said, a frown on her forehead because she was so worried. "What's wrong sweetie? Why are you crying?" She asked.

Tyler tried to take deeper breaths, but he was failing miserably. "I-I'm- I'm s-s-scared", he cried. "I'm s-so s-scared", he sobbed as he squeezed his eyes close and Josh just hugged Tyler tighter.

"What are you scared of baby? There's no reason to be scared to be you. You're allowed to be who you are baby, you don't have to be scared to accept yourself", she told him. Tyler buried his face against Josh's arm that was around him. "I d-don't-don't w-wanna- wanna lose the t-team I-I don't wanna lose b-basketball mommy it's-its my whole l-life I can't- I can't lose my scholar-scholarship", he cried.

"Sweetie they wouldn't even deserve you if they can't accept you for who you are", she said. "T-that's easily said!" Tyler cried. "L-like they care! They just-just throw me off and- and they find someone to r-replace me while I l-lose my future!" He sobbed.

"Baby, sweetie, they will not reject you for loving boys", she said. "It's the 21st century sweetie, they care about how good you are at basketball and you're incredible at it. You can't live your life unhappily, sweetie. Hiding yourself and lying to yourself is gonna make you feel miserable, you can't do that to yourself", she told him softly. "You don't have to come out if you're not ready baby, not at all. But you need to know that you can be you and have this wonderful future at the same time, sweetie", she told her son. "You're gonna be one of the biggest and best basketball players out there, honey. They won't care about who you love. They care about you as a player", she told him. She sat down on the bed and she hugged both boys tightly, and they hugged her tightly back.

After a while, Tyler had calmed down slightly. There were still some tears rolling down his cheeks and soft sobs once in a while as aftermath from the crying, but he was calmer.

"Are you and Joshua boyfriend?" Kelly asked. Tyler shook his head. "Oh?" Kelly asked gently, a little confused. Tyler didn't reply, so Josh decided to.

"He uh, he doesn't want to be official boyfriends", he started. "'Cause he's scared he'll never come out to the rest so he'd always have to pretend to be straight and he doesn't want to do that to me", he said as he kissed Tyler's temple. "I'm so deeply in love with him, and he's in love with me too, but he says that it's easier for me to leave if I happen to fall in love with someone else who isn't afraid to come out or be gay one day. Says it's less hard to leave if it's not official 'cause then it hurts less 'cause it was never official and we can still be friends", he said.

"And I get- I get where he's coming from, I really get it", Josh said and Tyler softly nodded, happy that Josh thought the same.

"But I'd rather just ask him to be my boyfriend whether it's in secret or not", he then said, and that just caused even more tears rolling down Tyler's cheeks.

"I love you Ty", Josh whispered. "I-I love you so much", Tyler sniffled.

Kelly got up and leaned down. She pressed a kiss on Tyler's forehead and then on Josh's forehead.

"We love you both so much, sweeties. Forever and always", she said. "It's okay to be who you are, don't forget that. I won't tell anyone about you two unless you want me to, alright sweeties? Just know I'm here and I'm here to be there for you and support you forever, through everything. You're not alone, honey", she said then as she turned to Tyler specifically. "You have your boy Joshua, and you have me", she said. "And Jeremy", Josh softly said. "And Jeremy too, sweetie", Kelly then said. Josh nodded. "We're all here for you, baby", he told him as he kissed his face. "You don't have to be scared around us", he promised him.

Tyler kissed Josh's lips softly.

~~

Ohhh boy I love them 🥺 what did you think! I'd really love to hear your opinion!

Please don't forget to vote! It would mean so much and help me out even more!!

I'm really loving this story again. I'm happy I'm back to writing for it even though it's been so so so long. I really wanna finish this one and I'm heading in the right direction. 💘

Love you to the moon and back

Word count: 1517