Hold Up

Chapter 1: What Headmaster Charleston Taught Me

      As a physical education teacher and a coach, I deal with my students losing all the time. After losing sports games, matches, and competitive group activities in class. Losing is such a hard reality for kids to have to learn and often occurs at school away from the comfort of home or loving parents. 

 Once, I was babysitting a family of three kids and we were playing a board game. I can't remember which one exactly but it was a classic like The Game of Life or Monopoly. As the game was coming to end, the 9-year-old boy became very quiet and tears started to swell in his eyes. I initially thought, "He cannot be crying over this. He probably just has to sneeze." But then I looked over at his sister, who was rolling her eyes and said, "he always does this when he loses." I was shocked. As one of four siblings, we never just cried over a simple game. This was especially shocking because this was a very athletic boy and I am one of four girls and would never expect crying over such a dumb game to be something this kid would do. And he apparently cried on the reg over losing. 

One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite shows Gilmore Girls has always stayed in my mind. It was a scene at the very beginning of the series in which Rory meets the Headmaster at Chilton, the private school she began attending as the show unfolded. Headmaster Charleston said this: "...there is a good chance that you will fail. That is fine. Failure is a part of life." When I first saw this episode, I'm sure I thought that he was a jerk and a pessimist but now I don't think he was. He was playing the part of a realist. The pragmatic, down-to-Earth minor part that keeps the protagonist   serious on her quest. I actually think this quote can be optimistic. It is comforting to know failure  will inevitably happen. 

Maybe it's alright to fail. I should just expect it at some point in my journey. Maybe I should expect to fail more than once, even after trying really hard. As a soccer player at a young age, I don't have any memories of being personally defeated over a loss. As a middle school soccer player, my dad would point out to me of what I did wrong during games and the loss began to be more meaningful. As a high school soccer player, I felt like the weight of the world was on my cleats any time I entered the game. 

 Wait. What? I felt the weight of the world was on my cleats just because of a stupid high school soccer game? Yes. I wasn't a 9-year-old playing a board game crying but the frustration and anxiety of messing up and eventually losing was just as real. The shame that comes with losing can be unbearable for some of us and for some of us, never really affect us. Unfortunately, I think more humans have at least one competitive gene in them which causes them to feel the natural emotion of shame. Even my dog feels shame or just looks like he is ashamed after I come home to see he has dug out all the trash. 

What I've come to realize, is that failing isn't just alright. It's alright to have those emotions that come with failure. It comforts me to know that everyone fails at some point. Some people lose student body president elections; some people fail their driver's test the first two times; some people wreck cars they've had for only three months; some people don't make the tennis team after bragging about how easy try-outs were; and some people have failed marriages. What saddens me, but at the same time motivates me, is that I am the failure in each of those examples. I am saddened by how much life sucks! And at the same time, am motivated by looking back at the crap I've gone through and have been made stronger after failing over and over. 

We fail as kids and even more as adults. Now, these failures of mine are only highlights. They are not all the tragedies in my life. But what is so important to remember is that there is a huge difference between failures and tragedies. Failures involve choices. We tried to do something and then didn't quite get it right. Sometimes we feel ashamed when a tragedy out of our control occurs but with a failure, shame is sure to follow. People can examine a choice we made, whether we thought our choices through or not, see the end result of our choice, and then make a clean, often harsh criticism of it. 

The shame will come. Know that. People will probably talk. Expect that. After failing just recite over and over, "There was a good chance I would fail at this. That is fine! Failure is a part of life." But also add, "I will begin again, when I am ready."