Above All Else

Chapter 14: All In

Bailey:

She looks at me with confused face that i'm not sure how to read. "Why now? Why bring this up when we are having a great time?" She says annoyed. 

"I need to know, Reggie." 

"Why?" She asks. "Why can't we just be in the moment?"

"Because the moment only lasts for only so long.." I say annoyed. "I wan't you in my life for a long time not just for a moment.." She looks at the table not making eye contact with me. 

"What do you want me to say? I can't live in Sam's house forever...  I need to make a life for myself. Since Victor has been dealt with and Tiago, yeah i can come visit but i can't stay in Juniper. Not when there is so much that still hasn't changed. People still look at me badly and now they think i should be in jail with them. I can't live the rest of my like this... I just can't." 

My throat tightens, "Then what about us?" She rubs her face. 

"I don't know... I want to be with you but being here... i'm not happy."

"Can't I be enough to make you happy?" She leans back like she has had it. 

"Thats not fair, Of course you make me happy!" 

"Not happy enough for you to forget about assholes who don't even know you." She crosses her arms. 

"I just want to live in a place where no one knows me and doesn't judge me about where i live. I want to belong. I am tired of being called the Fucking slut of R.Crew!"She says in a raised voice. "You don't understand because you were never a Riversider." I hate it when she makes it a riverside issue. Its like my dad legacy is separating us. 

"Stop fucking saying i don't understand. I do." She shakes her head. 

"You have to be one to fully understand." I don't say anything. "I talked to Sam about it after graduation, i am leaving... Sam gets it and gives me her blessing. She has been my best friend since birth and she is Riversider, She gets it... Why can't you?" 

"You realize that we will be apart because of this... We would have to be long distance." She sips her water. 

"It doesn't have to be that way. You can come with me." She explains. 

"You know I can't do that. I have my mother to take care of... The after school care. I am struggling trying to figure out if i want to go to college and you are telling me just pick up my things and leave?" 

" I have responsibilities in Juniper, Reggie. I refuse to be in long distance relationship,because I know good and well to know you will never come back to Juniper." Tears form in her eyes. 

"So what am i hearing is... as long as chose to leave town... The relationship is over... Am i correct?" My stomach is in knots. This is not the way I wanted this conversation to go. How did we get here.

"Reggie..." I start. She puts her hand up to stop me. 

"If you really cared about me you would come with me..."

"The same could be said about you." I say to her. 

She looks at me angrily. " I been through hell to be with you...  The sexual assault,  the beatings, i did it all to be with you... I could have just listened to them and i wouldn't had to go through so much suffering."

"Thats something you chose.. I never told you to do those things for me...." Her eyes widen. Thats when i knew i fucked up big time. 

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BECAUSE THATS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! I WOULD HAVE DONE IT 1000 TIMES OVER IF IT MEANT I COULD BE WITH YOU!" She yells at me. Everyone was looking at us trying to figure out the commotion. Now I am getting embarrassed. We shouldn't have came in public to disgust this.

"Lets discuss this somewhere else." I say to her. 

"Are you embarrassed of me now?!" She says crossing her arms. So much is happening and i can't think straight. I grab her and pull her outside in the cold away from other people. 

"SHIT ITS COLD!" She yells. 

"You don't understand! I have to take care of my family my mother is struggling as it is and you are telling me to just leave her. This isn't easy for me." 

"Sacrificing is never easy, Bailey. They wouldn't called sacrificing if it wasn't." she spats. 

"My top priority is my mother's well being. But i guess, you wouldn't understand that since you have no family!" I say angrily at her. She immediately freezes up and is like a deer in headlights. She covers her mouth and turns her back towards me. 

Wait what the hell just happened. 

She goes back inside and comes back out with her bag and coat. 

"Reggie, Wait... I shouldn't have said that..." I reach out to grab her hand she pulls away from me. 

"Fuck you Bailey!" She yells through the tears. "No, i wouldn't know! You are right about that! But i also consider you as my family and family doesn't use shit that i told you in confidence  back against me!" What have I done.. I need to fix this. "I get that family is fucking important but shit i thought i was important too!"

"You are!" I did all this just for her! 

"Love is about sacrificing and the only one who seems to be doing that is me. What have you sacrificed to be with me?"

"My life." I finally saying. Are we seriously going to forget why I was in the hospital?

"That doesn't count you would have done that for anyone!"

"I definitely wouldn't have."

" I still doesn't change the fact that I have been vulnerable this whole time! I told you I liked you first! I risked my life to be with you, I!!!! I!!!! I!!!!!" She screams. "You have all the validation you need. You know i love you! How could you not know? Its been written on my fucking forehead this whole time!"

"You know i care about you." 

"Thats cute... Care is what you show for homeless people and puppies. I have no validation that you love me. Like truly love me."

"We have been only dating for two or 3 fucking months god dammit!"i say angrily at her. She shakes her head crying her eyes out.

"And yet i still did all those things without hesitation! And you want to know why? Because i saw something in you that fascinated me. I knew that if i put my heart in someone like your's hands I knew I wouldn't be hurt." She says angrily. "And here I am looking like a dumb ass... This hurt me more than Victor and Tiago could ever do to me! Because I trusted you!" She starts walking in the snow. She turns to me. " I understand if your feelings aren't where i am but don't you dare belittle all that i have done for you." She continues walking and then stops. " I need to ride back to cabin." She says angrily. Feeling like a piece of shit I walk back into the  car and drive her back. She is turned away from me looking out the window. 

I just want to hug and make everything all better again. But me leaving everything I know is not easy for someone like me. I admit i had it easier because she was so vocal about her feelings.  

But this is just who i am and kills me inside knowing that it is because me that she feels this way. She went all in and now it bit her in the ass. 

Part of me wants to say its her fault for putting that much trust in me, but on the other hand its one of the many reasons why I truly care about her. 

What do I do?