Poems

The Real Me

The Real Me
I wake up
Everything is numb.
I am not fine,
I am not okay,
I am not what I say am.
The real me is crying, sad, feeling alone.
I know that people do care but I can't help the feeling that they don't.
I didn't sign up for this.
I didn't sign up for sadness,
for what seems like depression.
I don't think my mom would believe if I told her that I thought I had depression.
I think that she'll think I'm joking or lying.
The real me is struggling.
I'm stressed.
I'm looking at the world through a broken glass.
The real me is up at 12:00 am writing my heart out because I can't sleep.
It helps me get things off my chest.
It helps me sleep.
People might think I'm okay.
The real me is scared of what will happen if I tell people.
I pray that the feeling will go away,
it does, but just for a couple of days
then it's back.
I don't know if it's all in my head, I might not have depression,
I might just be broken.
And ya I do have amazing friends and family but I don't want to drag them into my mess.
My trust issues hold me in a cell.
In the back of my head there will always be this distrust.
I do really want to trust people.
But one person lies to me,
another lies to me.
It tears me apart.
I DON'T GET IT.
I know I lie.
I don't want to.
I don't want to sin.
It's just a part of me.
I don't want people to tell me that a person doesn't like me.
Then I'll ask that person and they say they think I'm awesome.
WHO DO I BELIEVE!
The real me wants the truth and I know I won't always get it.
This is me.
Broken.
Hurt.
Fine one moment then horrible and lonely the next.
I tell you this because you people out in the internet read and some can relate. Some might think I'm doing this attention or for fame but I'm not.
I think if I write it down that it will help it go away.
I don't have to see your face when you read this.
I am a very emotional person.
I think I'm passionate but sometimes I feel nothing.
I feel NOTHING.
I want help.
I'm just to scared.
I'll push away people who try to help me even though I know they are just trying to be there for me.
I'm an outcast.
I don't blend in.
I'm the weird one in my class
Weird style,
Weird smile,
Weird things that I like.
I am not okay.
Or at least I don't like that I am.
And this brings me to the end.
In tears on my bed
I thank you if you read this far.
Some of you might not know what I'm going through.
I don't think a lot of people know the real me.
This is a big part of the real me.
I'm Megan
And this is the real me.

I know that this isn't really a poem. Let's call it a free verse.
This is what I feel at times. A lot my friends don't know. People who I consider my best friends don't know (kj if you're reading this) if you didn't know well haha now you do. We have a weird friendship. I like it. This is just a part of me that I don't want anyone to know about cuz then I'll think people will think that I'm lame or stupid. But thanks for all the amazing times we had. I hope we have more. And to anyone and everyone else thank you for reading this. For listen to my messed up mind thought. Ok I don't know how to end this little thing so I'll just say. Bye. For now anyway