Sleeping on Sidewalks // Ashton Irwin

week 5 // Wednesday

On Wednesday I woke up at three AM after having a nightmare. I stilk wasn't at school, so the lack of sleep wasn't an issue, but it still irritated me hecause I hated feeling tired and run down.

I was about to go back to sleep when I saw a figure on the sofa bed. I was ready to hit it with a lamp, until I realized it was a sleeping Ashton.

I went over and shook him awake.

"How the hell did you get in here?!"

He pilointed to the window, stifling a yawn.

I was torn. Half of me wanted to punch him, and the other half was desperate to hug him nd sob into his shoulder. So I settled for a both. A punch for the anger I felt at him for leaving without even telling me. And then I cried, hugging him, so happy that he was back safe.

"I remembered something." he said, after I'd stopped crying and was just sat there. I turned to face him, and he continued. " I remember why I do it. I was asleep in a park, and I had a dream." I told him to explain it, and he did.

"It seemed so real, Liv. I remembered I was in school and I was at my locker, and I was fine. But then these three guys come up to me. One of them, they called him Ellis, I think, but I'm pretty sure that was his surname. Anyway, so he slams me back into the lockers and leans in really close to my face, and he starts calling me a ton of sir. Emo, fag, try hard, cutter. Normal bullying stuff, you know the drill. BUt he's just glaring at me, calling nee all these horrible things. And I'd like to say I stood up to him, but I just fucking stood there looking terrified, and I sort of whimper, and him and his friends start punching me in the stomach over and over, and I cough up blood and stuff, and they just walk off, and one of them spits on me before they go.

And then I dreamed I was at home, and I could like, hear my thoughts, if that makes sense? And in my head I'm just repeating those things he said, and I don't know, it's like I believed them all. And then I did a cut for every word, and then I started crying, and I started thinking I was weak, and a wimp, and I cut for all those words too. It was like I believed everything anyone called me, even when they were joking.

And then in the dream I was hanging out with these two little kids, maybe my brother and sister or something, I don't know. And the girl calls me dumb because I pull a funny face, and then the boy calls me annoying because I stopped him from having a cookie or whatever. And then later on I cut for those too. it's like I couldn't take anything anybody said without thinking it was true and I'd do it because I wished I could change and I knew I couldn't.

When I woke up, I was thinking all those things again. I wanted to jump in front of a car or something, and I knew I had to do something.

I remembered everything nice you say and do for me, and I thought about all the praise people were giving me when I did the drums the other week.I was trying to convince myself that allthe nice stuff was true, but it didn't work very well. so I came back here."

I hugged him again. I didn't know how tomake him realize that he was amazing, so I just hugged him until we were both almost asleep.

"Goodnight, Ashton."

"What?"

"Ashton.Your name's Ashton."

He smiled, and so did I.

The Boy was back.

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I got so sad writing this! I know it's full of cliches, but I wanted to write it. Next few chapters should be good :D