Save me

chapter one

Ayden Grant

"you're worthless" "you're ugly" you're a slut" "you're fat" "you're annoying" "you're stupid" "you're a waste of space" "why don't you just end your life already" "no one likes you" "you're weird"

Their words ran through my mind over and over again as I tossed and turned in my so called 'bed'. I reached for my phone and checked to see the time. The numbers "3:28" were written across the screen. Even if I went to sleep now I would only get 3 hours of sleep. Getting up at 6 in the morning everyday to go to school; a place I hate for many reasons. I put my phone back down on my nightstand. I rolled to the other side of my bed again trying to find a comfortable place and finally get some rest. Unfortunately for me as I closed my eyes all I could think about was those words. The ones I had been told so many times. I ask myself questions all the time. I tend to overthink everything in life.

What did I do to deserve this? Why does every bad thing happen to me? Does everything happen for reason? Will it ever get better?

But the one questions I ask myself everyday. The one question that could end all my pain and suffering in an instant.

What is the purpose in living anymore?

In the past few years my life went from average and me being happy to my worst nightmare.

On October 17th 2000 (age 17). I was born in the evening not exactly sure what time but around 7 or 8 o'clock. I was a healthy 8 pound baby boy. I was my moms first child and my dad's 3rd. He had two sons from a previous marriage that were ten and thirteen at the time. They named me Ayden grant. Just Ayden grant, I always thought it was kinda weird not having a middle name but I'm used to it now.

I had a pretty normal childhood until the summer of 8th grade. A few days after the Fourth of July my dad just left me and my mom and little brother. My older brothers were in their twenties at the time and lived on their own now.

My mom was probably the most affected by it. She would cry at night or when she was by herself. Whenever we saw her she always put a smile on her face and told us everything would be okay. I never had the connection with my dad like I had with my mom. Even before he left. He just wasn't as good as my mom was to put it harshly. Ever since then it's just been the three of us my mom, my brother Ryan, and me. We were all sad at first but got each other through it. I even think everybody was a little happier after my dad was gone.

The happiness didn't last long though. My mom had lost her job a few months before my dad left us. Now we were living in an apartment with no income. We moved to our grandmas house which was only a few minutes away from where we lived.

I started high school that year. It was decent. School work was kinda easy for me if I studied and payed attention in class. I had a few friends but I was no where near popular. I never wanted to be popular though. There was no point in being "friends" with people who would switch up on you in a minute. True friends are ones that stick by your side for everything.

9th grade year flew by pretty quickly. Nothing crazy really happened to me at least. I never had a relationship, got in a fight or been bullied by anyone yet. There weren't your typical bullies in high school that would shove you into lockers or beat you up in the hallway like in the movies. People would just talk about you behind your back or pretend to be your friend to get a good laugh.

10th grade flew by as well same friends and everything. Nothing to interesting had happened to me.

11th grade started and then everything went downhill from there. The school year started and I made a few new friends. I met this guy named Zack. He was attractive, an average nice, sweet guy who seemed pretty chill. I always knew I had liked boys so I had a crush on him of course. We started talking and our friendship led to a relationship. My first relationship I was 16 at the time. It was a year and a half ago. He was the first guy I ever loved. I was so infatuated with him. He was my everything. He was my first and only love to this day. One day he came up to me and told me he didn't love me and that he had been seeing someone else the whole time we had been together. My heart was shattered. I cried myself to sleep so many nights. I lost hope in everything. I felt numb. I didn't want to leave my bed. I hated my life.

I felt like I had no purpose in my life anymore.

I fell into a pretty bad depression where I hated everything in my life. I was always sad and never left my house except for school. This lasted a couple months. It's got a little bit better everyday and now I'm over him. However, him cheating on me has left me with a lot of problems. I have major trust issues, I'm always scared of people leaving me, I have anxiety. My family problems didn't help either.

A few months ago I found out my mom does drugs. And not like weed or alcohol even though I still wouldn't be happy with that. She does heroin. One of the worst drugs. She spends a lot of her money on it. I can't remember the last time she has bought me or my brother something nice with her money instead of spending it all on drugs.

That's how we've ended up here. We live in a pretty bad neighborhood now since we can't afford a nice house after we moved out of my grandmas. Most of the people around are involved in gangs, drugs, and other crimes. No surprise we live here then I guess. The house was pretty run down and looked gross from everywhere. I had a thin, dirty, old mattress that I slept on. Better than the cold floor I suppose.

"worthless" "ugly" "slut" "fat" "annoying" "stupid" "waste of space" "weird"

Those words were always in the back of my mind. They never left me alone especially at night. When I was the most vulnerable. Alone, in the middle of the night, sad and deep in my thoughts.

I checked my phone again to see what time it was.

"5:57" popped up on the screen. Great another sleepless night I thought to myself. Just what I needed at this moment.

A/N: hello loves this is my first chapter of my book called 'save me'. Title might be changed. Anyways tell me what your thoughts were and if you're liking the book so far. Don't forget to vote, comment and share, bye loves <3