Save me

chapter three

Ayden Grant

The deep red trickled down my fair looking skin. The liquid dripped onto the tile floor joining the puddle of blood that was already there. Cutting gave me control. I was in control of my own pain.

I had 3 cuts horizontally along my left arm. I didn't know how deep they are. I cut myself with a knife we had in the kitchen. I was sitting on my bathroom floor alone. I had no idea what time it was or how long I had been in here.

What is the purpose in living anymore?

A question I had been asking myself more often. It's been 3 days since "the incident" as I called it. The day at school where everyone saw the picture. I still didn't even know how that picture had gotten around to everyone. It's been over a year since we broke up so why would Zack send it now? We hadn't been in each other's life for months. Why did he still even have the picture?

I looked down and saw my wrist was cover in blood from the cuts. I hadn't cleaned them yet. They had stopped bleeding after a few minutes. I got up and washed off my wrists. The warm water stung a little but it wasn't that bad. I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned the blood off the floor.

I decided to go on a walk. Walking gave me time to think about life. It was Friday night. Most teens would be at parties or with their friends, but not me. I had no friends and I was too socially awkward to go to a party. I was a weird teenager. Being a teen is supposed to be one of the best times of your life. This is one of the worst times of my life.

I walked down my street for about 10 minutes. There was a park at the end of it that a lot of people went too. It had a playground for kids, a lake for fishing and a couple basketball courts. I come down here a lot to be alone and reflect.

There were guys playing basketball. Little kids on the swings. A few families throwing bread to the ducks. The park was pretty lively today.

I wonder where I'll be in 5 years from now. What kind of job I would have? Where I would live? Would I even be alive? I thought about the future often. I tend to overthink a lot of situations. I was always worried about what was going to happen next in my life.

Would I ever be truly happy again? What is happiness? Is happiness just our imaginations? I'm overthinking once again.

I found a bench and sat down for a little while. I started at the people around the park. I wonder what their lives were like. It's crazy how we judge people based on the way they look and think we can know everything about them.

I don't remember exactly how much time I spent at the park that day observing people and thinking about what their lives are like. It was fascinating to me to think you could know someone, so well yet know barely anything at the same time.

The sun had started to go down, so I decided I should be heading home. Not like my mom would care she was probably high or out buying some kind of drug to use later tonight.

I wonder why she did that. I don't think anybody just decides that they wanna do heroin. Something has to happen to them that they want to forget so the use drugs to numb their pain.

I guess it was kinda like when I cut myself. It was a way for me to control the pain. But drugs aren't good for you, they can kill you. But cutting yourself wasn't healthy either. There is a better way to deal with pain. I just don't know how to.

I came home to see my mom wasn't there, but I'm not really surprised. My brother was in his room playing on his xbox, of course. The kid was obsessed with it. It was a pretty old version but hey it still worked. And besides we didn't have the money to buy a new one.

I walked in his room and sat on his bed. He didn't bother turning around, he was too engrossed in the video game he was playing.

"Hey Ryan" I said trying to get his attention. He finally turned around.

"I thought you went for a walk?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did. Just got back and thought we could talk for a little bit." I told him.

He turned around fully facing me and completely forgetting the video game.

"Yeah what's up?" he asked.

"I feel like we should hangout more. Spend more time together. I miss it." It was true. We hadn't spent as much time together in the past few years. We grew up really close as little kids but we had just drifted apart over the past few years.

"I miss you too Ayden. I miss the fun times we had as kids. All the games we would play and accuse each other of cheating. Or when we would do things just to annoy the other" he laughed thinking about our childhood.

"Yeah we used to be really close." I reminded him.

"Wanna play some games. I have a few and I could teach you how to play them." He offered.

"Give me a controller and I'll beat you at anything" I challenged him. I knew I couldn't. I was horrible at video games but it was fun to mess with my brother.

"Oh you're on" he said throwing me the controller.

We played a few different games that night. Mostly me losing while Ryan completely destroyed me. Laughing every time I would get confused or not know how to play.

I felt like I had a brother again. I felt this feeling I hadn't felt in awhile. I was feeling happiness.

A/N: hey loves, this chapter was mostly a filler chapter and gave some insight about Ayden, the next few chapters will be better though. Thanks for reading and don't forget to vote, comment and share your opinions.