Eternity

Chapter Thirteen~ The List

When I open my eyes the next day, I find that I could just lay right here in my comfortable bed for as long as I wish. I could just stay right here, wasting away my life sleeping and doing nothing.

But there's more to life than just succumbing to our deepest, sickening desires— desires that will only eat away at who we are.

I want to be a music teacher. I want to open up a new world to those who need other ways to express themselves. A new world that brings you a different kind of happiness— one that shares the beauty of sunsets, or of stories told, or of our life painted on an easel. I want to live my life stroking the ivory and obsidian keys of a piano, and I want to be the kind of happy that allows dancing in the rain and crying into a pillow.

I want to live a life of love and pain and everything that can make me into who I am— who I will be. And this time, this time whoever I choose to be, whoever I continue working towards being, is my true, happy, free self.

I don't want to waste away my life. I don't want to miss the gifts of the world. I want the chance to make who I am.

So I pull myself out of my bed that seems to be clinging to me with all its will, and I get dressed. I pull on a simple navy blue t-shirt and grey sweatpants, I swipe chapstick over my lips after I clean up my face and brush my teeth, and I walk downstairs.

I'm still sleepy by the time I head into the kitchen, but the music playing in my ears thrums energy into me with every beat of my heart and pad of my feet.

When I meet my father's soft blue eyes, I can't help but allow a small but happy smile from reaching my lips.

Last night, when I got home, I found Johnny waiting for me in the kitchen. His hand was clutching Jacob's, and he had a relieved look in his eyes.

He was standing there and facing my dad with a stray tear streaming down his face. When I stepped towards him, my dad reached out his left hand for me to hold and I couldn't help but notice his silver ring on his finger was gone.

I flicked my eyes up to meet his own blue-grey, and my mouth fell open.

Did he— did Kacy— What?

"Daddy? What—" my voice cracked as tears began to spill down my cheeks. "What did you do?"

He gave me a sad smile as he squeezed my hand. "I think you know." I whimpered from his words. After I ran into his arms, I pressed my face into his neck and struggled to hold in other sobs from releasing.

"I'm so sorry, Dad, I tried so hard to make it work— to let you be happy... Me and Johnny, we just couldn't... We couldn't with Kacy— she..." He brought his hand to my back and gently rubbed soothing circles over my shirt.

I hiccuped before I tried to speak again, but he interrupted me. "Shhh, it's going to be okay. Everything— everything is going to be okay." I didn't have to look at him to know that my dad gestured for Johnny to join our embrace, and when my wonderful brother wrapped his arms around me and Dad, I couldn't help but sob as I heard Johnny softly cry beside me. His tears wet the shoulder of my t-shirt, and my dad sniffled to keep his own tears held back.

Soon we were all a wailing mess as we held each other close.

We apologized to each other after that, but not because of the tears we shared. That moment... I can tell we're closer than after Mom died.

And now... Now I think I'm ready to do what needs to be done.

So after I smile at my dad, the day after our break and reforging, I move beside Johnny and hug him. I then pull out a bowl and spoon from a drawer and pour some cereal in it.