Numb || An XXXtentacion fan-fiction

I. No Pulse

X.🖤

Sometimes being alone feels alright to me. I get to be locked up in my room with the lights off while I let my inner demons control my mind. Other times...it hurts. I stare at the mirror on the wall and even though I'm looking at myself, my conscious tells me I don't see anything. I see emptiness staring into an empty soul. I see darkness staring into a never ending black hole that I'm bound to fall into.

Is it bad to say that I rather fall into that black hole than live another day? It's better than pretending to be okay when I'm not. Everyone at school fears me. No one sits with me at lunch or bothers to look in my direction in class. What's the fucking point of going to school anyways? I rather sit in the bathroom for hours and cut beautiful scars into my wrists and watch blood spill out until I feel...completely....numb—

"Jahseh sweetheart it's time for school!" Cleo yells from the kitchen. I slowly open my eyes and exhale before closing my notebook with a razor as a bookmark. Helps me remember where I stopped. I stand up and walk to the mirror where I see he same reflection from yesterday. I slip on a black hoodie,black jeans ,and black vans. I throw my hood on and grab my phone before heading out to the kitchen.

"Goodmorning jahseh!" Cleo greets me with a plate of pancakes and bacon. I glance at her before responding.

"Morning..."

"How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't." I mumbled.

"Why not?" She asks as she sits across from me at the table.

"Don't wanna talk about it." I say before I take a small bite out of the bacon and stand up, walking to the front door.

"Well if you don't mind, can you stop by the market after school and get more eggs? We're all out." She calls after me. I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Don't have any money." She walls up to me and hands me a twenty dollar bill before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Have a good day, love." She smiles at me. I keep the same blank expression on my face.

"Sure." I dryly say before grabbing my backpack. I walk out the door and take my normal shortcut to school. Yes I walk, faithfully everyday. Riding the bus annoys the shit outta me because you have to sit and wait for it. I don't have time for waiting. Besides it gives me time to be alone, at least before I'm surrounded by dumb ass teenagers who can't control their hormones or shut the hell up.

While I'm walking I stuff my earbuds in and keep walking hoping I was late to class...like always.

•

I finally get onto the school campus and walk to my class. I don't wanna go, but Cleo insists I do if I want to have a diPloMa. I could honestly care less about a bullshit ass piece of paper at graduation, I'm just ready to leave this place and never come back. I stroll into class, late as expected. The students try not to make eye contact with me.

The teacher only asks me to pull off my hood. They know not to ask me why I'm late. I sit down in my seat and pull my hood back over my head. I turn my music volume all the way up until it's the only thing I hear. Everything was going like normal, but it kinda felt like I was being watched. By who? Hell I wouldn't know. I glanced up for a spilt second but I seen no one staring. I shrug my shoulders and lay my head on my desk as I wonder off into space and start drawing stupid shit on my work.

I ended up feeling like someone tapped me on the shoulder but I ignored it, probably was just my imagination. Who the hell would wanna talk to me? Once I felt the tap a second time my head shot up instantly. A girl flinched at my reaction and my eyes widened in shock but I didn't show it.

"Uh...sorry to bother you...I just wanted to know if you had a pen I could...borrow." She asked as she scratched her arm nervously. I slowly looked the girl up and down awkwardly as she looked around waiting for an answer. I hesitated for a while but then again all the girl wanted was a pen, she didn't wanna talk to me at all. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a pen and tossed it to her.

"Thanks!" She said. I ignored her and put my head back on my desk. I just wanted this class to be over already. Maybe if I go to sleep that'll pass some time by. I laid my pencil on the desk lightly and began to slowly close my eyes.

RIIINNGG!!!

My eyes shot open at the sound of the bell ringing. I quickly got up and grabbed my backpack wasting no time to walk into the hallway. Well...that was until I heard someone calling after me.

"Hey! You forgot your pen!" It was the same girl from class. I slowly turned to her.

"Keep it." I spat before walking off again.

"Oh! Well uh...thanks!" I ignore her again. Hopefully she'll leave me the hell alone now.

Reagan.💙

I was in class finishing my work with a pen I borrowed from Jahseh. The bell had rung and before I could return his pen back to him,he left. I turned in my work before rushing after him.

"Hey! You forgot your pen !" I called after him. He stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned around.

"Keep it." He spat rudely before walking away.

"Oh! Well uh...thanks!" I said to him.

No response.

I stood and watched as he turned the corner before heading to my locker.

"I know like hell you wasn't just tryna talk to Jahseh, are you crazy!?" My friend Kellis asked appearing from behind my locker door.

"I might be. I was just trying to return his pen. But he...told me to keep it." I stated. She gasped.

"He let you borrow his pen too!? As far as I'm concerned, you don't need it. Could be some poisonous ink in that pen or some shit!" I stare faced her.

"Really Kellis? You're making no sense. I don't understand why everyone treats that boy like that." I scoffed at her before closing my locker.

" We don't treat him no kind of way Reagan! Look the nigga cute and all but he's weird and evil. You should stay away from him!" I smacked my lips.

"There you go again, judging a book by its cover. It doesn't matter how someone looks on the outside as long as they're a good person on the inside. He's a human just like us and it seems to me like he needs a friend but doesn't want one because y'all are like this! Be considerate for once in your life." I rolled my eyes before storming off from Kellis. No one here understands how it feels to be judged by your appearance. But I do.

•••

Vote

Comment

Share

X in the MM.