Why?{A Langst Fanfiction}[Voltron]

Part 6

Lance awoke in cold sweat while nearly jumping out of his bed. Dry tear stains ran down his face. His eyes red and puffy from crying all night.

A moment later Lance unwound the bandage around his head, but kept the ones around his cuts. He then went to the bathroom and did his daily make uproutine. It was almost time for breakfast in the castle.
'maybe you wont be as much of a dissapointment if you show up on time! Oh wait who could ever be proud and love you! The answer NO ONE ever and you know that'

Slumping over Lance exited the room making sure that none of his injuries were showing. He didn't want those pity nor their attention. Knowing what they truly thought of him without any mercy was enough.

🌊🌊🌊Lance P.O.V.🌊🌊🌊
I say down at the dining table and began to quietly pick at my food. The smell and color of it started to make me nauseous. Everyone was engaged in their own conversations enough to not even notice me. Its not like I didn't expect it though I mean I'm just so

Stupid

Weak

Annoying

Usele--"Lance! My boy! How long have you been here? I have something to discuss in the living room with you! Come, let us talk!"Coran spoke as he piped up behind me and put his arm on my shoulder startling me.
"Umm yeah ok." I said as we started heading to the living room. Fidgiting with my sleeve so my bandages won't be seen no matter what.

"You're been so down these last few ticks. Are you feeling well Number 2? The paladins did apologize I'm sure."

Only because of Coran and his pity

"Yea I am doing fairly well, I just didnt get a good night's sleep." I flashed any signature smile as we heard Allura's voice saying it was time to train.
"Oh and Coran thanks for everything." I said before heading to the training room. A comforting embrace cut me off and Coran wispered "Anytime my boy" before letting go.

"Well paladins, I see everyone made it on time. Good job lance for the first time you are taking our advice. We are going to be doing a training exercise" Allura stated calmly and glared at me every once in a while.

Everyone had their bayards in hand ready to fight. Two boys fell from the ceiling running in my direction and at Shiro as well.

My injuries still haven't healed making then burned every time I moved my arms or upper torso. With the headache I could barely hear anything except for the constant ringing in my ears and pressure that pounds in my head constantly like taking a needle and hooking the end just to stick it in my ear twisting it ever so slowly digging feeling into my brain and wrapping around it only to crush everything underneath it. Kinda felt the duties of me being a paladin.

'imagine how your team feels having you around, a cold blooded killer in their mists. Your not worth anything and never will be. Your absolutely useless and such a disgrace to earth. Everyone is glad you are gone! Even you mom! Who would ever want you! You. Pathetic. Piece. Of. Crap.

Getting used to all the critsim I shot the bots in one fell swoop. No body noticed it was me they all congratulated everyone besides me. The mice even got praised. (Coran isn't there) It's not like I deserved to be praised anyway.

-_-_-_-_-_-time skip-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Training was done. I can feel the blood between my bandages seeping through a lot.

One

Two

Three

Drops of blood on the floor.
I need to leave. To go somewhere else. Not here. Not yet. I exit quickly and leave to go to my room. No one stops me. Did anyone even notice?
'No why would they pay attention to you!'

My room isn't far and I almost got there with ease if it wasn't for everything going on right now. I think I'm going to faint soon. I made it to the bathroom through stumbles and me tripping once or twice.

Replacing the bandages was easy. However getting rid of my problems not so much. I was about to grab my razor.
*knock*knock
"Dinnertime you need to be there there is an important anouncement so don't fool around too much!" Hunk said a bit annoyed through the door.

Getting up I hobbled over to the kitchen. I can't stop thinking about cutting. The cold blade pressed against my warm skin begging me to show blood, to feel worthwile and whole, to be in control for once in my life, to live up to what everyone wants me to do. I want to cut so badly! I need to feel something! Everything is becoming numb again! No! I want to---
"Lance!! Are you even listening?! You really are good for nothing! Since you can't listen we said Keith will be visiting in two weeks! Along with the blades. You need to stop acting like a five year old and start training to become more mature and strong! How in the world are we going to win a war when you can't even pay attention half the time!" Shiro nearly shouts at me. Everyone is already gone from the table and most likely went to bed.
"Yes-"
"I don't want to hear it! Go do something useful!" He snapped back.