Unintended Reconnection

Part 4 - Shizuo

I've never seen him unsure of anything in his life. No, unsure of himself is more accurate. It's unnerving to see him so... insecure. What is going on in his head?

"Just let me leave," he tries to sound aloof but fails, letting a sliver of that insecurity slip out. "I don't have time to play with you right now, Shizu-chan."

"Damn it Izaya. Stop calling me that and be serious for once!" I growl, dangerously close to losing the little bit of the control I have on myself. "Stop acting stupid."

Izaya pushes against my arm and I let him shove it away so he can stand up. "I don't know what you're thinking but I'm fine. I assure you," He states simply. When he looks down at me, it seems like he has gotten a grip on whatever thoughts had been coursing through him. He always had felt more comfortable when he was looking down on people. Quite literally in this situation. "I'll be leaving again soon so don't worry, Shizu-chan." He smirks as he turns and walks to the door.

What the hell was that? I watch him disappear into the night and growl to myself. At some point I had grabbed onto the sides of the table and ripped the top off the legs that were bolted into the floor. "Huh... must be getting better at holding back," I shrug as I let go of the now broken table to stand up.

Shaking my head, I walk over to the registers. "Sorry about the mess." I smile sheepishly as I apologize to a terrified woman. "I don't know if I have enough to cover the repairs but here... take what I do have." I say softly as I take my wallet out to give her money to fix the table.

She blinks rapidly and snatches the money quickly out of my hand as if I'm going to hurt her. I clench my teeth in irritation. "Sorry again." I mutter and turn to leave.

I step out into the night and take a deep, grounding breath. I can still smell that damn flea. I grumble to myself as I light up a smoke, turning to continue my almost forgotten quest for a new phone.

That woman was so scared. Just like everyone else. No, not everyone. There are those rare individuals that find my unnerving strength... interesting? I don't know what they really think of it but I just know that they have the strength to look past it, or maybe just plain ignore it, trying to see me as the man I am. They're pretty special people. I don't know if special is good or bad in this case.

At least he sees me for everything I am. Not one or the other. Not my strength or my humanity. In his eyes, he sees everything. I still don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. That scares me. He's the only one who can see me as a whole.

I clench a fist at my side and growl to myself again. Why can't I stop thinking about him? I can't keep my thoughts from going back to that interaction in the cafe. What was wrong with him? Damn it. What was wrong with me? I don't want to care so much about someone so insignificant.

That's such a lie. I grind my teeth and snap my cigarette in half with a curse. Shit. That was my last one and I gave all my cash to that terrified cashier.

Shit. I gave her all the cash I had on me. I guess the cell phone replacement will have to wait until tomorrow too. I hope no one tries to get in touch with me, although I seriously doubt it. I'll see if Tom doesn't mind making a side trip with me tomorrow.

Somehow I had managed to stop thinking about Izaya for a moment but that was short lived. There he was. Walking ahead of me. Completely oblivious to the people around him. I clench my teeth and feel a vein pop in my forehead. I wish I hadn't run out of smokes... He was staring down at his cell phone instead of watching where he was walking. What an idiot.

He still has an air of uncertainty surrounding him. He's walking like he's lost. Almost like he has never been here before. I can see the tension in his shoulders as he continues to fiddle with his phone.

What the hell is going on with him?

I really want a cigarette...