Painful love[bl]

Chapter 2

"Sometimes, some tears serve to start all the others. I have so much cried. I have all cried. All that I did not like about myself, the unconfessed stupidities that I had committed until now, and all that I had lost along the way since I was old enough to understand that some things, were lost forever."
-Zhi Ruo.

When Yu Yan regained consciousness, he found himself in a very, very familiar looking room.
The room was huge, every corner of it was filled with luxurious furnitures, which showed the status of the owner, the empress.
This was his room.
H-how? Wasn't I dead?
Then how?
Before Yu Yan could ponder too deep in it, he heard weeping sounds coming from below him.
Yu Yan bent his head to look at where the sound came from, before standing paralysed at what the scene showed him.
There was his son, who looked to be around 5 or 6 years old, crying his heart out with a red hand mark on his face. He looked really fragile and pitiful.
Yu Yan's whole being trembled.No way.
He extended a trembling hand to gently caress the boys cheek as he opened in a shaken voice "Z-Zhi Ruo?"
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Zhi Ruo was extremely scared, his mama just hit him because he didn't act like he wanted at the imperial banquet.
So when he saw him reaching his hand to touch him, zhi Ruo wanted to escape but didn't know where to.
Zhi Ruo expected to be slapped once again, but he only felt a very gentle and careful soft hand touching his cheek.
Just as he heard his name being spoken by his mother, Zhi Ruo opened his eyes to see his mama's face that was full of disbelief. Before he could react, he felt himself being enveloped in a warm and soft embrace.
This was the first time his mama hugged him.
Zhi Ruo didn't know why his mama was crying so hard, but now he knew what other children felt when they were warped in their mother's arms.
Warm and safe.
So before he knew it, Zhi Ruo was already again crying along side his mom.
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A pair of mother and son both stayed like that for a while, both crying their heart out, for different reasons, yet, they had one thought in common, the fact that they both knew they regained something, they thought was impossible to regain.
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Yu Yan covered his son with the quilt,then kissed his forehead as he stared at Zhi Ruo for a long time.
Yes, Yu Yan long ago accepted the fact that he was back.
He was given a second chance.
        Yu Yan was forced to coax his son to sleep, since he refused to, and that was for an abvious reason.
Zhi Ruo was afraid that his mother would abandon him again.
          Yu Yan brushed the hair of his son's face, then turned to the door wanting to call a servant.
Immediately a pretty looking girl came inside and bowed, she looked quite scared, but mostly nervous.
" y-yes your majesty? What does his majesty want from this lowly servant?"
Yu Yan looked at the servant's face, and concluded that she was new in here. Yu Yan knew every single person who served him, since he was the one who chose them carefully.
But at the end, not even one turned out to be loyal.
They were all greedy people.
       Then in that case, it wouldn't do any bad to have someone by his side. Someone he could trust.
He turned his attention to the little girl in front of him, who was still bowing, " please rise" came the melodic voice of none other than our Yu Yan.
The little servant instantly got up.
Yu Yan gave a stupefying smile, then asked " may I know your name?"
The little girl was stunned from the smile, her whole face turned red, but then after hearing how his majesty talked to her,her expression now was that of pure horror," y-your majesty, you can't be so formal to me! I'm just a lowly servant!" The little girl shouted as if her life depended on it.
Yu Yan raised an eyebrow at her reaction "so? Yes you are a servant, but you're still a person. It's only normal for me to you treat like one" after he finished speaking, Yu Yan gave her another kind smile.
At first, the little girl was shocked because of his words, but then she felt her chest getting filled with warmth.
Since the first day she came to work at the palace, this was the first time anyone treated her like this. and this made her beyond happy.
But then she was suddenly confused, how was this angel and the despicable person everyone talked about the same person. Someone was probably envious of his majesty and speared those rumours.
Surly, we can't trust those kind of things.
" ahem" The servant finally snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Yu Yan clearing his throat, she suddenly realised that she didn't answer his majesty's question yet.
"Y-yes, my name is minah your majesty. But please, can his majesty stop being so formal!"
Yu Yan chuckled at her actions, then promised " but, you'll have to call me Yu Yan then"
Minah's face turned more horrified than before, if that was possible. "n-no way your majesty! That's impossible!"
Looking at the little girl who absolutely refused to give in, Yu Yan could only sigh " then what about master Yu Yan?"
Minah looked like she was about to say something, but looking at his majesty's face that was full of expectation, she couldn't find it in her heart to refuse.
"As you wish, yo- master Yu Yan" at the last sentence,
she couldn't help but blush.
Yu Yan smiled again, but suddenly he remembered why he called Minah in the first place.
" Ah yes, could you please arrange so that Zhi Ruo's things will be transported to my room. He will be staying with me from now on.But first prepare a bath"
Minah nodded then said " of course master! It will be immediately done!" After that, she immediately went to prepare the bath
        After Minah left, Yu Yan turned to look at his son once again, and couldn't help but comment on how cute he looked.
Really, this adorable small child and that cold boy from his memory, were two completely different persons.
If it was the boy he knew, he would not have forgiven him this easily.
             So, what are you going to do from now on? Yu Yan asked himself.
Do you plan on taking revenge?
I...
I only want to stay by my son's side. Watching him grow up.
But, is that really all you want?
Yu Yan closed his eyes, images of his past life were flashing in front of him. The pain he suffered was unforgettable. He hated them, he hated those people that made him suffer so much, the anger that he felt was way too big.
But he was not going to waste his second chance on taking revenge, he was not going to overlook what's important again, and waste his life on something that would just make him feel more pain.
Yu Yan caressed Zhi Ruo's cheek.
He was sure that he came back, not for revenge, but to take care of what really matter.
For the first time in years, Yu Yan's eyes were as tranquil as the blue sky.
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Yu Yan sighed in satisfaction as the heat of the warm water filled him. Minah wanted to help him bathe but he refused, after he was banned to the cold palace, Yu Yan learned to do a lot of things by himself.
He tried to relax as much as he can, after all, he just literally came back to life.