The Journey Home

Part 6 Grandma

My grandma was a huge part of my childhood. One of my earliest memories is getting in trouble for calling 911 to ask them for grandma's number. I would see her all the time because she and grandpa would be out at the farm all the time. If they weren't there we were at their house. If I didn't get to see grandma after school I would call her and talk to her for hours. We would do crafts, cook, bake, read, play, the things grandma would do with me was infinite. I would see something fun on TV and she would be down to try it.

I got my love of cooking from her. Staying over at her house it always amazes me she always had breakfast, lunch, and dinner ready at the same time every single day. And it wasn't just a main dish and a side. It was like 4 or 5 courses. She went all out. And she was always fair. She would take turns cooking my favorite meals then my sister's favorite meals when we would sleep over. And whatever we wanted for breakfast she would make. After dinner she would ask, "Ok what do you want for breakfast in the morning girls?" It was always magical. Watching this amazed me. I wanted to learn how to cook and do all of this stuff. Grandma would help me and we even submitted some stuff into 4-H.

My family's farm would get baby chickens and raise them. Once they were a certain size they would process them by hand and bag and freeze the meat. That would be my family and my grandparents chicken meat for a year. They would sell a few but it was mostly just for us. It would take a full day. My grandparents would come out. I watched since I was little. Around the age of 8 grandma asked if I wanted to try. I said yes. She said ok but don't tell your mom. She showed me how to hold the knife and cut the chicken. By the end of the day I was butchering whole chickens. Fast forward to culinary school I was one of 2 in the whole class who even knew how to butcher a chicken! Grandma showed me so much. She spent so much time with me. She was my best friend.

After my mom moved us away my contact with my grandparents slowly diminished. Not that I wanted it to but I couldn't call her in the closet. Then after I had a hard enough time keeping myself going, talking to my grandma just fell to the wayside. I guess I felt some embarrassment and guilt. I know she didn't feel that but I just couldn't shake it. So I called on big days, birthdays, things like that.

Then grandpa started to get bad. Grandma called saying grandpa was lost. He walked out to the field to get the tractor and he walked miles the wrong way. Alzheimer's was setting in. They moved into an assisted living. I visited a little more because it was by my work. But grandpa kept getting worse. Grandma would be at bingo or some activity at the assisted living facility and when she got home grandpa would accuse her of sleeping around with the drs. He had no idea where he was/she was where she was going. It was so sad. But grandma held on strong.

Then grandpa got so bad they had to move him to a locked unit. Grandpa got so bad he had no idea who anyone was. But grandma wheeled herself down to the locked unit EVERY SINGLE DAY and say grandpa. Not just a hi, how are you? Bye! Visits...She would sit with him for hours. It would break her heart and most days she would be in tears as she wheeled out of the locked unit. But she kept doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Watching that I knew she was the strongest woman I would ever know.

I was with my mom and sister at a funeral in the same town as my grandmas nursing home. So my sister and i went to go see grandma. When we got to the nursing home they were kind of flustered and said she had a fall and she was at the hospital. We went to the hospital. We got to see grandma for a couple minutes but they were shipping her off to a bigger city. We went back to the funeral and said goodbyes and followed behind. It was her kidneys. We waited around a good 2 or 3 days for tests and imaging and doctors said there wasn't anything they could do but dialysis. And with where she lived she would have to travel a lot and that was hard on her. She was struggling making a decision. I don't know what made me say it. But without thinking or hesitation suddenly I said, "Grandma, you don't have to do dialysis if you don't want to. We will be ok." She said, "Ok, I don't want to." Within a day she was moved to Hispice. My dad did a really good job at calling everyone. The next day she was awake and she had around 50 visitors. The nurses even commented about how many people came and seen her. They said she must be a very special gal. At the end of the day after all of the visitors my dad and his brother called the nursing home. They got my grandpa on the phone. Only my grandpa, grandma, uncle, and dad know what was said but I have never seen so many tears. There was so much love there. I said my goodbyes to grandma. Everyone that was staying with her took a turn in the room alone with her while she was still lucid. It was hard watching each person walk in and come out bawling. Then it was my turn. It was so so hard. There is and was so much love there. But she said something amazing to me that she told me not to tell

After that she wasn't responsive. My dad bought 13 Angel's from the gift shop and placed them on the headboard above the light over her bed. It was so pretty with the lights dimmed. The aura was perfect. Things settled down and my uncle decided to go to the hotel. My sister and mom said goodbye after we prayed over her. My dad and I were going to stay the night with her. My dad laid down and fell asleep. I sat in the chair next to grandma and I held her hand. And I talked to her. I prayed. I told her we were all ok and she could go. The nurses estimated 3 days but every body is different so it could be whenever. I told grandma we were all ok and that she could go. I kept praying and talking to her. Loving in her. I noticed about an hour or so into this her breathing changed. So I just sat and talked to her and held her hand. This would be the second time I would watch someone I loved die. I was there when my grandfather on my moms side died. And both did things that were just, weird. Be it spiritual or not, it seemed very spiritual to me. The aura in grandmas room was amazing. I could feel this energy. It was something I have never felt again. I knew she was getting close. I woke up my dad. He called his brother. But she died before anyone could get there. She went very quick and painlessly it seemed, and I hope. I looked at the clock. It was 11:55pm. I said we could wait 5 more minutes. It was my half brothers birthday that day. If we waited 5 minutes then she would die the day after his birthday. I was thinking of future birthdays. Dad hesitated a second or two then said naw go get a nurse. I went to the nurses station and told them I think my grandma died. They were in shock. They thought for sure she had more time. Uncle got there and we said goodbye and packed up the room. We got the 13 Angel's. The reason he got 13 was one for each grandchild and grandchild. I have it next to her candle and plaque.

I loved everything about my grandma. But I loved her love the most. She made everyone feel welcomed. She was so sweet. I try to be that every single day. And just