A Butterfly's Wings | 박지민

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－CHAE-EUN POV－

I woke up, unable to sleep.

When I would try to close my eyes, Jimin's face crossed my mind, and when I would see it, the feeling of him not being here would wash over me, making me tear up in my sleep.

I went downstairs, and looked for some ice.

I miss you, Jimin.

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－JIMIN POV－

"WAKE UP YOU TWAT!!!"

"Aish, what the fu－"

"Yah! Language!" Leehye shouted.

I got a rude awakening by a pillow being constantly smashed on my face. She stopped and threw the pillow across the room.

"I've been cursing all I wanted when you were gone..." I mentioned.

"What?" she exclaimed as she hit my leg.

"Ow! Don't hit that leg!"

I realised what I just said as Leehye's eyes widened in worry.

"Why? What happened to it?" she asked, worriedly.

I turned my gaze from her and stared at my hands. I didn't reply.

"Did you hurt yourself again?" she blurted.

My eyes widened with shock.

"H-how did you－"

"I promised 삼촌이(uncle) I wouldn't tell you but..."

"But?" I urged.

She went silent for a moment, fidgeting with her pjs.

"But when you were eleven, you tried to drown yourself in the bathroom..."

What?

"No, I didn't! What are you talking about?"

"When your brother died－"

"I don't have a brother, never had one." I popped.

"Jimin, show me some respect." she said cold and hard.

I gulped, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"You...had a brother..but...he died before he was born..."

No....what is she talking about?

"Noona, I'm an only child....?" I wasn't sure about anything anymore...I don't know what reality is anymore..Am I an only child..

"You...at a time...you weren't..."

I stayed quiet. My body was shaking from confusion and sorrow. What the hell is going on?

"Your mom got pregnant, eleven years later after having you," she started.

"It was a boy, and you were so excited...your smile made me and Auntie so happy.." she said, tears forming on the brim of her eyes.

"But one day, you hurt your ankle trying to climb a tree. So Auntie carried you. She didn't think nothing of it, she was just trying to help you, but.."

She paused, and the tears that formed in her eyes began to fall.

"But?" I asked.

"When she went for her next check-up, the baby had died. It was because of strangulation...the umbilical cord somehow wrapped around it's neck, therefore choking the baby.." she mentioned.

My body stopped moving, my breath hitching.

"When she came home to tell you the bad news, you didn't take it very well. You kept blaming yourself. Everyday you wouldn't get out of bed to go to school, and you would cry all night and barely get any sleep for the days you would go to school. You would stop eating completely, and Uncle had to force you to eat. Your throat was hoarse everyday from lack of water. You barely came out of your room. You would always say 'I'm sorry 엄마(mom), it's my fault Jisuk died. I should die,' and she would tell you not to say that. But despite her chastising you, you kept saying it. And one day, she had enough. And she hit you,"

Mom....hit me?

"You're lying..." I stated.

"It's the truth. And her hitting you made you think that she was mad at you, that she hated you for 'killing' Jisuk, but that wasn't true. She loved you. We all did. But you didn't see it that way..so one day..you told me you were going to go take a bath, which I thought was weird. 이모(aunt) told me to tell you that dinner was ready and get out of the tub. I knocked on your door, but you didn't answer. I was kinda worried so I decided to peek in....you..."

"No..."

"You were out cold, underwater. I screamed for help as I tried to pull you from under the water. Auntie and Uncle came running upstairs to see what the commotion was about, and when they saw you, we hurried to the hospital."

"When you woke up, you didn't remember anything. So Uncle told me to keep this a secret."

"That's not true...you guys told me I had a stomach bug! That's why I was in the hospital!" I shouted.

"We lied to you Jimin, we couldn't risk you attempting suicide again." she said.

"You...."

"Jimin it was for your own safety! But seeing you now...it was a mistake...we should've told you the truth. I didn't think you would still be beating yourself up!" she exclaimed.

"I killed my brother?" I asked, the only thing on my mind. I killed my own brother? "Tell me, Leehye. Am I a murderer?"

"Jimin, respe－"

"Screw 'being respectful'! You tell me right now whether or not, am I a murderer?!!"

"No, Jimin, you aren't a murderer! It wasn't your fault Jisuk died!"

"IF IT WASN'T MY FAULT THEN WHO WAS THE BOY THAT MY MOM CARRIED??" I yelled.

She got quiet, clenching her fist into the blanket.

I attempted calming my self, but it didn't work. I was too pissed being confused and scared.

"I think you should leave, Jimin. Just until you cool down.." she said.

I scoffed, tears in my eyes, and got up.

I forcefully grabbed my things, walking out the door. 

I stopped mid-way and turned to look at my cousin on the bed.

"I really am destined to be alone, aren't I?"

Before she could answer, I walked out, slamming the door behing me.

•-----------------------------•

I went to the Cheonjiyeon Waterfall, sitting on the rocks as the mist from the impact of the colliding waters cooled my face. It almost cooled my anger, too.

I remembered, people saying how you should come to visit the waterfall at night to see the "Hidden face", and how it's popular for lovers.

"Maybe I could bring Chae-eun here...I wonder if she'd like this.."

I buried my face in my knees as the cool mist of the waterfall cooled my heating body.

I could get used to this...

•-----------------------------•

A/N

Lots and lots of things happen in life

And some things bring us strife

We find out about our past and all

In which some cases make us fall

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-BongBong