Duty-Bound [ Lore of Penrua: Book II ]

41

It had been days since Matei had offered his hand, Mhera had not yet decided whether to accept. She sat on her balcony one early afternoon, bundled in a heavy shawl against the chill autumn air. A ledger of accounts and several missives waited on the table before her, but she found herself unable to focus on work. She gazed out over the gardens with a heavy heart and a troubled mind, trying to come to a decision.

She had told Matei that a husband had not been her dream, and in that she had not lied. When she'd been a girl, the very idea of growing up had meant just that to Mhera: marriage and children. For a Starborn noblewoman, there was no other pattern to follow; it was simply taken as a matter of course that womanhood would bring with it a husband and babies.

But Mhera had come of age at the Haven, a virgin servant to the goddess. It had been a thankless life and a bitterly lonely one, but with her vocation had come a certain independence; she'd been honored in her own right as a nun, not for the glory of her uncle, or her father, or her husband. The dream—nay, the expectation of marriage had been left behind, and she had never missed it. After Matei had bound him to her by blood-magic and stolen her away from her life as a Daughter of Zanara, she'd found she missed the Haven more than she could have known. Had she been allotted a choice in those dark days, she would have defied her own expectations. She would have gone back to the Haven and spoken her permanent vows, binding herself to that stony isle for a lifetime of prayer and solitude. Of course, she had never been given such a choice, but the crux of it all was that her vision for her life, the path she saw for herself, was one to be walked by an unmarried woman.

So that much—that a husband and children had not been her romantic fancy in the days of her young womanhood—had been true.

What she had not told Matei was that the idea of marrying him had not shocked her quite so much as she had pretended. The idea had, after all, occurred to Mhera before, although she had considered it only briefly and in the abstract. On that first day in Kaori's parlor, when all that had happened had been set into motion, she had wondered for a heart-stopping second whether Matei was asking her to be his wife. But as the conversation continued, it became clear that he was asking for her to wear the crown with him as a partner, not as a bride, and she had put the matter out of her mind.

Then had come the assumptions, first from Gella and then from others, that to rule together would mean that Mhera and Matei would wed. Mhera had patiently corrected each person who raised the matter, and she knew Matei had done the same, but with each reminder, the possibility had become slightly more solid in her mind.

It was strange, unfathomably strange, to think of Matei as a husband. In the forests of Hanpe, he had been grim and sometimes cruel, but there had been moments when he'd treated her with compassion. As she come to know him, she had found herself falling into friendship with a man she wanted desperately to hate, much against her will. When the truth about who he was had been revealed, she had been shocked beyond measure. Matei, the Rebel King, was so different than Koreti, the Golden Prince of Penrua. Gone was the cheeky scion of the house of stars and roses, her childhood playmate and friend, like unto an idolized older brother. He'd been replaced with an idealistic leader determined to shape a world unlike that of his forefathers and willing to give his life to the making of it.

She had come to respect and care about the man as she once had cared about the boy he'd been. But they were friends, not lovers.

Besides, Matei had confessed to her that he had longed for a wife and children. Mhera was under no illusion that the face he had imagined on his pillow could be hers. She had never been a great beauty, least of all now, when the marks of her weariness showed plain on her face. And if he had seen her as a wife, would he not have asked for her hand on that first day?

No. He had never raised the suggestion until he felt there was no other option to save them both. He would wed her because he was a man of honor; he'd wed her to protect her and to protect the world they were building together.

If she could be confident that Matei would be happy without a true wife, Mhera might have accepted at once. In every other aspect, the match made good sense. But the thought of Matei sacrificing the chance for love unsettled her.

What if, someday, he did fall in  love? After his difficult life and the tragedies of his childhood, Matei deserved to be happy. The idea of it—of Matei giving his heart to someone, of losing part of the relationship they had to another woman—caused Mhera a sadness she knew didn't make sense. She wanted him to be happy, even if it meant giving up his friendship, his companionship.

Even if they married, she would accept it, when the time came. She'd always lived a lonely life. It would be no different to her...would it?

The sound of a knock at the door of her inner chamber broke her out of her thoughts. She put her hand to her cheek as her face flooded with warmth. To think she would blush, as if the whole world could read her thoughts, like she was some silly girl-child yet under a governess's wing!

She pushed aside the work she had not yet touched and raised her voice. "Come in! I am on the balcony."

A moment later, Matei appeared in the doorway. He pushed aside the light curtains, which fluttered in the gentle breeze. When she saw him, Mhera rose to her feet, feeling guilty for having no answer yet, and also feeling inexplicably sad.

When she saw the look on his face she knew he had not come to discuss the engagement. "Matei? What is it?"

He looked as if he had bad news; he seemed reluctant to come out with it. "I think you should come downstairs."

"Why? What's happened?" She stepped toward him, trying to read the news in his eyes. "You had better tell me."

"Your parents have returned to the Holy City."

Dun dun dunnn...

Mharin and Joris have been conspicuously absent since the battle for Karelin...I wonder how Mhera will interact with her parents now that they've returned?

You do not have long to wait! Answers come on 10/23.