Miss me?

Xander's Party

I was sitting in the car looking out the window at the night sky that was filled with stars. It's super pretty out tonight.
"Helloooo, Scar. Is there anyone in there?" Dean said
I snapped out of my thoughts.
"Huh, what?" I replied
"what is wrong with you. Is everything alright?"
"yea, I'm just super tired. Its been a long day at school"
I smiled at him
"This party better not suck"I said after a moment of silence
"C'mon now is not the time to be a party pooper. Besides, Dean is going to be there"
He said as he nudged my arm
"ugh, that kid. Now this party is really going to suck"
Dean started to laugh
"C'mon I thought you used to like him"
"Exactly, USED to like him. Now he's a nasty pig. I don't know whta I ever saw in that thing"
A few moments later, Dean turned a corner and my eyes layed onthis huge 2 floor house. Colorful lazer lights were everywhere, music was blasting so loud that I'm pretty sure the house was shaking.
I was not sure about this.
It's alright just stay calm and try to have fun. Try and take your mind off things for tonight.
We parked and made our way to the door. I stepped inside and it was craaaazy. Rap music was playing super loud that I was right. The walls were shaking along with everyone else. I kept walking and went to the back of his house where there was this enormous pool. People were swimming, jumping in, splashing water around. There were others at the party that were sitting on the couch just smoking weed. Others were drinking until there was no tomorrow. This was not my type of party. My kind of party was more like bringing 2 or 3 close friends to the house, ordering pizza and watching horror movies.
I kept looking around and it's like the popular kids were only friends with popular kids or anyone that looked pretty. Every single guy in this house seemed to be nicely built and all the girls had a nice hour glass figure. I'm pretty sure I was th eonly one here that was the thickest. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here anymore.
"BOO!"
"AHHHH! FUCK DEAN!"
Dean started to crack up.
'That wasn't funny!"
He kepy laughing
"it kind of was"
I couldn't help but put on a smile because he's so stupid
"C'mon let's go to the pool it looks amazing!"
"umm...no i'm not really in the pool mood"
"C'mon scar. If you don't go, I'll throw you in"
"Don't do that, Dean. Besides...I don't even have a swim suit"
I said as I was trying to find some excuse as to why I couldn't go in.
"OMG, you could just go  in your bra and underwear. It's the same shit"
"Hell no"
Dean sighed "suit yourself. Just tell me if you change your mind"
"yea, you go ahead"
"you'll be fine here?"
"yea, just go stupid"
"fine, but promise me you'll have fun!"
"yea yea i promise" I smiled at him and with that, he yelled "woo" and jumped in the pool.
I looked around the pool watching everyone have fun. What I noticed the more were all the thin girls in these tight bikinis. They literally had the bodies of a Victoria's Secret model. They had perfect perky boobs and a flat stomach. Flatter than a table. And guys were able to pick them up easily and throw them around because they were so light.
I was not getting into the pool.
"You're fat" was what popped into my head all of a sudden
I ventured off and decided to check the rest of the place out to distract myself. As I passed by the kitchen, I noticed this huge table filled with all kinds of sweets and goodies.
"whoa..." I said to myself.
There was eveyrthing on this table. Glazed donuts, peanut M&Ms, dominoes pizza, turkey and cheese sandwiches, doritoes, lays, mini sliders, chicken tenders, FRIES!, even a chocolate fountain with marshmallow, banana, pretzels, and strawberries to dip into. And that's not even all the food that there was!
"Holy shit balls wtf" I said to myself again
I couldn't get my eyes off it. I haven't had most of these things in ages and it all looked so good.
All of a sudden memories of what happened earlier clouded up my mind and I made myself turn around and walk away.
No, i'm not gonna eat any of that.
A few moment passed.
Then again, I came to this party and I'm absolutely not going to have any fun at this party whatsoever so I might as well enjoy myself right?
With that thought, it changed my mind. I went back to the table and decided to go for a glazed donut. I bit into it
"mmm, fuck. That shits good"
I finished the donut in 3 bites. I went for another one. Then another one.
I decided to grab a plate. I stacked about 4 slices of cheese pizzas on it, some M&Ms, cheese cubes, 3 mini sliders, 3 chicken tenders and some fries. I grabbed my plate and started eating everything.
"well, well, well i see this fatass found her favorite part of the party"
I heard Natasha say behind me and all her friends started to laugh along.
I suddenly realized what she meant and I immdeiately put my plate down and turned to her.
"what doyou want" I said, but my response seemed week for some reason.
"are you enjoying all the food? I could tell because you looka  bit bloated. Maybe you shouldn't have worn a tank top"
She and her friends laughed while they walked away. I noticed she went up to some guy and kissed him. No not some guy. Xander.
I stood there watching not noticing I had a tear down my cheek. I wiped it off. And it wasn't because of Xander and Natasha. It was of what she said.
I noticed Xander pulled away from the kiss and then noticed me, but I didn't want to be there. I rushed my way off to the bathroom, locked myself in, and stood in front of the mirror. I noticed my eyes were watery and I had tears tains on my cheeks.
I lifted my shirt up and noticed how bloated I was.
Why did my mom make me switch schools. Why did I have to be here. Why did I have to eat all that food. Why couldn't I find something else that took my mind off things. I didn't realize I had started crying. I hate my body and I always have. Even when I lost weight, I hated it.
Before I could think, I made my way to the toilet, put my fingers down my throat until I threw everything up that I ate earlier. I kept doing that until I felt relieved...and thinner.
...
I haven't done that in 3 years.
I forgot how that felt.
I got up, went to the mirror, cleaned myself up, and made my way out when I bumped into Xander who had his han up as if he was about to knock.
I looked at him for a second and he looke ddown at me as if he was trying to figure something out.
Whe does he have to look at me like that.
But I didn't want to be here. I wanted to leave. I shouldn't have come.
"is everything alright?" Xander asked
"what do you care?" I said feisty as I sniffeled an dwipe my nose quickly to hid the fact that I was crying 3 seconds ago.
I walked passed him, but he grabbed my hand and turned me around to him.
He tilted my chin up to look at me, but I pulled away
"can you stop please" I said, but it wasn't rough. It came out sort of weak.
I walked off again making sure I got lost in the crowd. I made it to some hallway where there weren't that many people when I bumped into Dylan.
"Hey beautiful, i'm glad you made it" Dylan said.
"I don't have time for this. Can you leave me alone"
"No, c'mon  letss hang out for a bit."
He slurred his words and he smelled of alcohol. He was drunk.
"No, i don't want to. I started to walk off until he grabbed my hand and pushed me against a wall. I stayed frozen and I don't kno why, but I was scared.
"Dylan let me go please"
"mmm" he just said as he sniffed the side of my neck and grabbed onto my wrists harder which started to hurt.
A few tears started to fall down my cheek
"Dylan let me go now I'm serious" I said again
His hand was now going up and down my leg and the tears were coming down more now.
I would have kicked him in his junk, but my feet were being held down by his.
I then felt his hand go under my shirt as he grabbed my boob, but he still held on to both of my wrists. I tried getting out of his hold, but he was really strong, especially since he was drunk. Him grabbing my boob wasn't as triggering asa when he sstarted to grab onto my stomach. He could probably feel how fat I was.
"you've got a bit of tummy, huh."
Tears came down even more and I was now crying and trying to get out when i yelled "STOP", but the others that were arounf were also kind of drunk and thought this was what I wanted. Dylan started to grab my stomach more as he started to say "mmm" but I was feeling disgusting. I dind't want to be touched especially aroudn my stomach.
"p-please s-stop" I closed my eyes and suddenly i felt his body weight off of me and I dropped down to the floor hugging my knees. I looked up to see what had happened and it was Xander. He pulle dhim off me and he slamed him up against the wall.
"wtf do you think you're doing huh?!" There was malice in his voice and I didn't understand. Why did he come and help me?
"Im s-sorry m-man okay"
Dylan said and he looked scared. I would to. I kept watching as tears were coming down even more. I coudln't be here.
"Don't ever touch her again okay? YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
He yelled at his face and Dylan couldn't say anything but nod his head.
With that, he dropped him to the floor and turned to me, but I didn't want to be there.
"im sorry " was all I said until I got up and ran out of there and out of the house.
"SCAR!"
I heard Xander yell after me, but I kept running.