Miss me?

Lost it

I ran super fast out of the party and ignored Xander. 

I didn't want to stay at the party. I shouldn't have come and I knew it. But I also didn't want to go home, but I didn't know where to go. 

As I kept walking down the dark empty street, I noticed a park. It was empty which was perfect.

I made my way over to the swings and decided to swing on them. I started swinging slowly while looking up at the night sky. I remember coming here years ago. Whenever life got tough I made my way to these swings at night and just forgot about all my problems. 

But they were never really gone.

I thought back to the party. Those girls at the pool. All confident in their skinny bodies. They could wear anything and look good anything. I on the other hand...

As all of these thoughts ran through my mind, I put my hand under my shirt and touch my belly. My not so skinny belly. I did lose a lot of weight, but I wasn't super thin. 

"You sure love to eat"

"Why don't you glue your mouth shut and stop eating so much"

"Wow,  you've gained some weight"

All these words were clouding up my mind. These were all the things people would tell me throughout middle school. Even when I wasn't that overweight, people still came at me and I don't know why.

I stayed on the swings swinging away. Now those memories were taken over by thoughts of the party. When Dylan was all over me.

I felt and still feel so disgusting. When he grabbed my stomach. 

"You've got a bit of tummy, huh"

That sentence. It triggered me. It took me back to when I was in middle school.

I hadn't realized that tears were coming down my cheeks. I wiped them away, but still couldn't stop. I just sat there. I feel so disgusting. Did I already have a tummy from what I ate earlier?

I started to remember what I did in the kitchen earlier. Eating all those donuts and junk food. It was so good thought and all my problems just...went away. And I didn't want to stop. It was like a high for me. 

My mind was now on wanting a large cheesy, greasy pizza. I can nearly smell it in my head. Pizza hut's pizza's stuffed crust was my favorite. The crust was filled with mozzarella cheese. So it was a cheese pizza and cheese stick in one. 

I was really craving it, but I knew I shouldn't.

Then again, what's one pizza going to do . It's just for today.

With that in mind, I got up and went into the town to go to Pizza Hut. 

As I was walking, I decided to check my phone. 8 missed calls from Dean.

I guess I had my phone on silent. I wasn't going to pick up. I wanted to be alone right now and just eat something. I haven't had pizza in ages. 

I finally made it to Pizza Hut. I used to get pizza from here like 3 days a week. But I never actually came to the store. I usually just ordered it for delivery. I walked in and the smell hit me and it brought back memories. Bad memories of me stuffing my face with all this greasy food, but I also missed it. It tasted so good. 

"Next in line please"

I hadn't realized I was up next. I already know what I wanted anyways.

"Hi, can I have a small order of the stuffed crust cheese pizza"

I just wanted a small. Just for taste.