Smoke and Fire ||Lams Soulmate AU ||

Heaven's Gate

~~

Months had gone by since Alex and I had last spoken. I think he even changed his schedule to avoid seeing me during the day completely. Thomas and I had actually become, for lack of a better word, what you would call "friends". Martha and I had been living with Peggy without ever hearing the name Henry again. Martha could even read full length novels without much difficulty. Her and Peggy were really the last good things in my life. Not a day went by without Alex slipping into my thoughts.

I remembered that one time when Alex commented on my smoking. After he left, I started making changes and began to quit. I only quit because if we were to ever run into each other again, I knew he wouldn't like it if I still did.

I took a sip from the mug of hot coffee in my hands. I couldn't help but reminisce about the good times we had shared. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love him. I was more sure of it now than ever. I closed my eyes, and the first thing I say was him. His smooth skin and the signature dark circles that were under his dark eyes, which matched his long, silky hair. His smile and they way he would always rub the back of his neck. His soft hands, his laugh, his everything. I wanted nothing more than to see him, to hold him, to be with him again.

"Thinking about Alex again?" Peggy interrupted as she walked into the kitchen.

I snapped out of my trance. "How'd you know?"

"You always pucker your lips like you're ready to kiss somebody when you think about him."

I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my coffee. "Whatever."

"Seriously though, why don't you just try calling him and, oh, I don't know, telling him the truth? You don't have much time left to be wasting like this."

I forgot I had never told Peggy my exact birthday. She had no clue when I was dying, and she acted like every day this month would be my last, which I wasn't necessarily upset about. "Fine, I'll call him. But I can't promise that I'll tell him."

"Good, I'll be in the bathroom, and when I come back, your phone better be on speaker so I can hear everything." Peggy speed-walked into the bathroom, and the second I heard the door lock, I slipped my phone out of my pocket and called his contact.

Did I really want to do this? What would I even say to someone I haven't seen in months? Would he even pick up? Did he even want to talk to me? My questions were answered when I heard his soothing voice say what I was hoping he wouldn't.

"Hello? Who is this?"

My heart sank, but I took a deep breath and tried to sound like I wasn't dying inside. "Hey, Alex! It's me, John. I just wanted to um, I just wanted to check in. Y'know, see how you're doing and... stuff."

"Oh."

My heart sank even further.

"I'm okay, I guess," he continued after a brief pause. "I could be better though. How've you been?" He didn't sound at all interested in how I was really doing.

'I'm actually not okay. I miss you, and I need you so badly. I don't know how I'm surviving without you anymore. I still love you, I never stopped, and I never will. I needed to hear your voice again. I needed to know that you're okay. I'm sorry.'

"I'm fine," I settled for. "Listen, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while, and I figured now was a better time than never."

"Okay." His voice was so unenthusiastic and a bit unsettling. Every time he spoke, I fell into even more of a black hole of emptiness.

That's when my hands started shaking rapidly and uncontrollably. The mug I was holding had fallen, shattering into a hundred little ceramic pieces. My phone was next to hit the floor. My legs began to tremble until I was on the ground as well. I couldn't stop it.

Alex's voice echoed from the phone, "John? John, what's going on? Are you okay?"

I couldn't bring myself to speak. It was like there was something stuck in my throat keeping me from breathing. I started coughing as my limbs shook violently, and my vision blurred.

I heard the muffled screams of Peggy in the distance as she ran into the kitchen. Everything hurt, like there were knives being constantly pushed into different parts of my body, until it all stopped. I became numb, and felt as if I was floating on a cloud of some sort. I couldn't feel anything.

I saw a woman in the distance. She began walking towards me, reaching her hand out to grab mine. She kept getting closer and closer, and with each step she took, I felt myself getting warmer and relaxing. A bright, white light emerged from behind her, allowing me to see her features better with the soft glow. Her dark, curly hair and freckles brought a kind, familiar feeling.

It was my mother. She looked just like me, except she looked beautiful. She was everything I remembered about her and more.

She finally stood in front of me and held my hand in her's. I couldn't speak, but I trusted that where we were going was for the better.  She led me down a long tunnel to where the light came from. I felt everything at once. As I came closer, I saw every memory I had ever made in little snippets. I saw Peggy, Martha, Henry, Mr. Franklin, even Thomas. And I saw Alex. But just as fast as he came, he was gone.

When it was over, I felt myself pulling away from my mother. She turned back to look at me, seemingly confused as to why I had stopped. I couldn't go just yet. There was so much I had left to live for. I wanted to watch Martha grow up, I wanted to make more memories with Peggy, and I wanted most importantly to have a life with Alex. I wanted to hold him one last time. I wanted to kiss him again. I wasn't ready.

My mother interlocked her fingers with mine and looked down at me with her comforting gaze. She smiled gently and waited until I was ready. I took a moment, realizing that it was my time whether I liked it or not.

I nodded, and we began walking again. The bright light kept getting closer and closer, until we were engulfed in it.

I was calm. I was safe. I was okay.

~~

Two updates in one night?? Who'd a thunk?

So um this book is kind of ending a lot sooner than I wanted it to, and in a different way than I wanted it to?? Whatever, there's only one chapter left for me to write and it'll hopefully be out soon.

Once I've finished this book, I definitely want to work more on this BxB I've been writing, and hopefully start publishing it.