Jason Momoa is my Guardian Angel?!?!

Be Mindful Of Minnows

Moral of this entry: Sometimes when you finally learn what it feels like to let stuff go and just be present in the moment...you get shanghaied by fish.

I did something the other week that I have not done in a very long time. 

Let me stress very and long.

I went...to the beach.

(collective gasp from the goth pale section of the audience)

I know! There was sand, sunshine, sunscreen, a humidity factor of Jabba the Hutt's armpit, and people. Crowds of people. All vying for that ever-coveted patch of gritty real estate, the one in which the precise angle of the sun shines down at exactly the right spot for longer than a few minutes before the clouds move on in. 

Radios were blaring, dogs were barking, kids were crying, and I will admit there was even some eye candy next door to our little encampment. Strutting, flexing, roaming about in wet swim trunks that did absolutely nothing to leave anything to imagination. Not that I am one to complain about the latter. Eye candy is eye candy. I'll take it where I can get it.

But next to the Bearded Wonder Bro? These guys were minnows.

Speaking of minnows...that brings me to the big revelation that occurred when I was forcefully "coerced" into leaving the safety of my shade cocoon and into the water.

Since I do not do exposure to direct light for more than a few minutes at a time I have often missed out on all the fun and excitement you get when splashing about in an open body of water with other people. My skin goes from white as the newly fallen snow in the dead of midwinter's night to holy cannoli there's a lobster in the stove Jacuzzi red. Add water to the mix and the unforgiving rays of the sun reflecting off its surface will always find me. Nine times out of ten it is a recipe for instant crispy disaster.

And people dare mock me for wearing sunscreen with the SPF protection factor of Nosferatu. Pishaw I say! My goal in life is to not turn out looking like a dried out saddle bag by the time I'm fifty.

So there I was. Neck deep in lake water and trying my damn best to not drift away with the constant pull of the waves. I was digging in the silt with my toes for wayward mussel shells when my sister decided to swim over my way for a chat.

That was nice of her. Wanting to hang out and spend time with me shooting the breeze. The five shirtless Abercrombie and Fitch wannabees playing water Frisbee behind me had nothing to do with it. They were busy trying very hard not to show off for a few pretty faces and an eye-catching set of large...(ahem)...assets lashed together with an itsy bitsy teeny weeny teal dental floss bikini that was floating by on a neon pink doughnut.

I have to say that if Captain Ahab sailed by right then he would have staked that claim with his harpoon. Never mind the great white whale. These were a far more impressive find. Borderline mystical really.

My sister had something snarky to say which earned a loud "snerk" on my part. Always the ever observant one is she. Oh how I love that woman. She's awesome. She's kickass. She'll rip your soul to shreds for messing with the people she loves.

Big Sis is equal parts Prima Princess of the Universe and CEO Deal Crusher with a heart of polished gold. Just never get on her black list. You do that and you will find your bones being picked clean by sea urchins at the bottom of Davey Jones Locker. That is why my secret name for her is The Kraken.

Why you ask?

Because whenever someone utters the words "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" my sister appears decked out in a power suit and sensible Nine West stiletto heels wielding a leather briefcase and her impressive collection of cutting edge smartphones. You see that coming at you at full steam and people run screaming from the boardrooms in a mad panic, the patriarchy clutching themselves in fear.

I will proudly admit that the plot for Avengers: Infinity Wars movie would have been solved thirty minutes in if Dr. Strange had the foresight to call upon the guardian of the deep that is my sister for help. Thanos' jewels would have been her new purse accessory before Tony Stark could utter a witty side remark. And I'm not talking about the shiny pebbles on the golden gauntlet of bedazzlement.

That being said, her cutting remarks about the local wildlife were dead on and sharper that a shark's tooth. We shared a laugh as a rogue wave took care of the rest. Coming up for air we bobbed about avoiding various bits of seaweed when I spotted a tiny fish.

It was just a little thing. Nearly invisible in the water as it swam between us. I pointed it out to my sister but she did not seem all that impressed. Tiny lake fish, not that exciting.

But then I opened my big fat mouth.

I said something along the lines of: "Why hello there tiny fish! Hey, wouldn't it be cool to be surrounded by fish?"

My sister being a well-travelled globe trotter has seen and done it all and was again, not impressed. She swims with tropical fish every time she jets over to Hawaii. A lake trout is not going to cut it in her books.

With a roll of her eyes she goes into a long-winded account of her latest man troubles and I do the dutiful sister thing and listen to every word. Much nodding of the head was given before she stopped talking and looked at me funny.

Me: What?

Big Sis: How did you do that?

Me: Do what?

Big Sis: Look down.

And so I did.

That tiny fish must have heard me talking to it because it went and called up its buddies. In less than a few minutes I was surrounded by a school of thirty odd minnow sized fish that floated around me in a circle, all of them facing my direction. If I moved left, the fish followed. If I moved right, same thing. A few even swam close and tapped me with their little tail fins. I didn't do the hokey pokey but I am pretty sure that if I had they would have turned themselves around because that's what it's all about. This lasted for ten minutes before my sister got weirded out and said we should hit the towels.

Surprisingly I wasn't bothered by being the sole focus of some tiny fish. They felt friendly. Just wanting to check things out and say hello in their own way. I was happy, they were happy, we were happy together just being present in the moment. It felt nice you know? Just letting everything slide for once, enjoying the here and now. Not something I normally do because an anxious mind does not rest.

I would have stayed in the water longer and if I had they probably would have done a little dance for the sheer joy of being not eaten by a bigger fish.

Bigger fish...then it hit me.

Very funny Bearded Wonder Bro!

Clearly someone was taking the whole Aquaman comparison a little too literally.

And that's when, I kid you not, the clouds parted and a freaking beam of sunlight hit me square in the face.

Bearded Wonder Bro: (quietly chuckling in the distance like a gull on the wind) Hey, if the wetsuit fits.

Me: Really?

Bearded Wonder Bro: What? I thought it'd be fun. Tiny fish are cute. Come on, you used to love that little clown fish. Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...

Me: Playing up the nostalgia factor are we?

Bearded Wonder Bro: If that's what it takes to make you smile then I'll own it. Admit it, you're having fun.

Me: Oh you are good.

Bearded Wonder Bro: Comes with the territory.

I swear you could just feel him laughing through the clouds.