The Lost Comrade

Chapter 4

Please read the author's note at the end. It will help.

Dear Levi,

I've been alert now for a week. Mikasa comes and torments me every day at some point and sometimes she even gets permission to roll me outside in a wheelchair. The doctors mention the sole reason I am still stuck in this hell is that of my mental health. So what if I get panic attacks from PTSD or I flip out on a nurse sometimes. I just want to be free.

After I had woken up, they told me the rest of the squad was MIA. You know how I told you I am not a religious man well I might become one if I have to. If praying every day will keep you guys alive so help me I will do it. If I have to go out and slaughter hundreds of people just to see you again I would. Wait, maybe not that far. Well, you get the idea.

Mikasa brings in different board games or card games to play. I prefer the ones involving gambling but she likes to play checkers or chess. God, my sister is the most boring person on the face or the earth. She's like a 60-year-old in a 20-year-old's body.

Do you remember that night a few months ago when we shared that whiskey together? I always think back to that night. It was one of the most peaceful nights I had while I was out there. I didn't think about what might happen if the camp got raided or if I might survive the next day. All I thought about was you. How your eyes were a perfect silver when they lit up around me. How your pale skin caused your eyes to seem to sparkle more. God, I fucking miss you.

Well, I need to get going to another one of my stupid therapy sessions.

Farewell for now,

Eren Jaeger

Dear Levi,

It's been a month since I was sent back. They have let me out of the hospital but I am stuck living in my sister's flat above the bakery. You know how fucking hard it is to control yourself when all you smell if dress baked goods and you can't eat any of them. To make it worse I am stuck upstairs in the study reading and writing my day away while my sister gets to bake and talk to people all day. We are looking into crutches instead of this stupid scooter they gave me so that I can actually help at the store.

There is still no news about if the rest of the squad is still missing or not. Mikasa told me they found a girl when they found me. Well, not like found us but we showed up at a military base south of our camp. It is either Annie or Petra. Is it bad I hope it isn't Petra? Mikasa has been meeting this girl for coffee once a week but she won't tell me who it is. Apparently, this girl dragged me to safety while I was knocked out.

Anyway, I got prescribed some anti-depressants too. On top of that, I have anxiety pills to stop my panic attacks and some painkillers. I know that isn't a lot of pills, but it's like a good handful when I take them. I understand I need these, but I don't want to take them.

I just hope they find you soon.

Your one and only,

Eren Jaeger

Dear Levi,

It's been so long since I last wrote to you. Well, since I sat down to write a letter that I will throw into a shoebox later. A lot of shit has happened in the span of a couple of months. And it isn't even good shit.

First off my depression has gotten worse. Apparently, these letters and medications aren't helping out. I don't even know why I wrote these letters. Maybe it was the thought that you will one day read them but now that isn't possible. I don't even know why I write these fucking letters anymore. They are just full of stupid shit that will never be read.