How Not to Poach a Unicorn

One

He woke up. 

On a much later day he would recall the warm spring sun filtering through the fresh green leaves on the gently swaying trees. He would think back to the sensation of the cool damp soil against his skin and the sound of the nearby brook—so swollen with water from snow melting off the mountains. Not today, however. Today he was not yet ready to understand the world around him. Today was the first day of his life and sensations alone were enough to occupy him completely.

Vision was pretty exciting and it grew to be even more intoxicating as he learned to focus his eyes. The blues, browns and greens of the forest swept through his vision filling him with wonder as he rolled about. A pinkish shape flew past the periphery of his vision. He craned his neck awkwardly to follow it and was thrilled by his discovery. It was a wonderful little thing with five wiggling protrusions and a trunk that led all the way back to his very own body. Another discovery! He had a body! It also seemed that he had three more of these flaily appendages. The two farther from his eyes were somewhat different than the closer ones, but all were quite exciting in the way they waved about.

After some time, he found that he could control these mysterious things. With a great deal of concentration he managed to get the wriggly ends of the longer thrashy bit nearer to his eyes for closer inspection.

While he was engrossed in the minute details of the newly discovered fingers on his left hand, his right was left unattended and free to explore on its own. It roamed across the skin of his naked belly and, of its own accord, dug in its nails and clutched quite firmly. This was also a new sensation and he decided quite quickly that it was not one he enjoyed.

He let out an extraordinary scream. It was the sort of unrestrained yowl that only a child in great pain can generate. It frightened him so much that he let go of himself and refused to move or open his eyes for quite some time. When he finally did brave another look around, he found that something new had come into his world. It was large and dark and standing quite close to him. It was shaped somewhat like himself, but substantially larger and not at all pink.

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Georg had earned his position. He had shown his grit as a gaoler in the deepest dungeon of Irsank Prison, had proven his strength fighting the uprising of rock trolls in the mountains of Nordan and had fought his way to the rank of captain. He had been bodyguard to Lord Cailo himself. He had served the land of Ashun since he was first carved and this was his reward in what he hoped to be a very long and uneventful retirement. He had earned a peaceful patrol through uncontested lands with no trolls, wolves, wars or anything of particular interest. Here, he could wander his woods and slowly grow moss until he finally eroded away. He had walked this patrol for over three years with the most noteworthy event being putting an unfortunate faun out of its misery after it had stumbled into a glade of thresher vines.

He heard the scream. He heard it and somehow he knew that his last three years of peace was ended. It was horrible. It was pained. It was unnaturally loud and uncomfortably close. He considered briefly the possibility of walking away but his duty to this land and its people were as much a part of him as his own hands. So he approached the sound.

He was not at all pleased with what he found. Bandits he could have dispatched with ease, even a troll would have been manageable. This, however... this was trouble.

What Georg found was a young human male, almost an adult based on his size, but utterly hairless which made it hard to be sure. He was skinny, naked, and lying in what appeared to be a fresh crater. He was writhing about like an infant just out of the womb.