But Simon, Sometimes Life Is Blue [A Sequel to Love Simon]

Chapter 8

There is a stampede out of the auditorium and everyone crowds to the sign-up sheet, as if the first to sign up got the part or as if there were a limited number of slots; there was no limit. Hypothetically, everyone could apply for the same role. I see kids scratching their names into slots. Most were auditioning for multiple roles, in case they didn't get the one they wanted.

In freshman year, some girl had actually auditioned for every single female character in the play. Turns out, she was an awful actress and Ms. Albright gave her a role with no lines. In all honesty, I'm probably not much better than her. Last year, I also had a role with no lines.

The crowd clears and it's my turn. At the top of the sheet is the role of Charlie. Since Cal had given me the first opportunity and Abby had scratched my name in, my name is in the first slot. I can't help but break out into an elated smile.

I'm just your average kid. Even since I was little, I've never stood out. I'm not exceptional and I'm not terrible. I don't cause trouble and I get decent grades. I stay under the radar. I like the comfortable path, with no risks. I had never gone for anything huge. That is, at least, until Blue. He had been the first thing worth risking myself for. He had inspired me to step out of my comfort zone and be brave. And now, maybe it was time for me to take another risk and really go for this. I think I want to be more for Bram. He is smart, talented and brave, and he kinda inspires me want to be someone great too. Maybe I could parlay [turn into a great advantage] this acting thing into some sort of a career.

But my eyes fly open, and I do a double take when I see another name auditioning for Charlie. Martin Addison's name is right next to mine. Of course he was auditioning for the lead role. I should have expected that, since he is Creekwood's best actor, but somewhere between all the cheers from my friends, I had kinda of gotten used to the idea that the lead role was mine. I inwardly groan and at the same time feel my blood boil. He is a much better actor than me and there is no way I could beat him.

A sense of being robbed fills me. Then I catch myself, because why am I upset? Do I really want the lead role? I'm not so sure. It sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I just don't want Martin to get it. Martin was that asshole - the one who blackmailed me last year and even after I helped him, he put our friendship at risk by posting our private emails all over Creeksecrets.

As I'm also writing my name into the slot for the obscure role of Charlie's dying father, My Bram appears at my side, "Hey, Babe." He kisses the top of my shoulder, peeking over to gaze at the list. I feel his arms go around my waist, hugging me from behind.

And I can't even... because the feeling of being held from behind is indescribable, like melting into the warmth and safety of unconditional love. Is this what girls felt when boys held them? I think.

"So is Ethan auditioning for Lola?" my boyfriend asks, nestling into my neck, planting kisses.

We look. Only one name was auditioning for the drag queen role. And somehow it wasn't Tayor Metternich. It was Cal Price. My eyes go big and my breath catches. Cal Price in thigh-high boots? Oh my... save me.

You must forgive my mind. Sometimes crazy things come out when I'm shook. [I hope you're hearing Keiynan Lonsdale's song, Preach, playing in your head: https://youtu.be/Eu90RXox81s ]

"Uh, I guess it's Cal," I manage to say out loud, trying to sound indifferent.

I feel Bram observe me quietly for a time.

"Well, I guess Abby and I don't have to convince Ethan to try out for the role anymore," I say with a forced laugh, feeling guilty. Not that you've actually done anything wrong, I remind myself.