commit.

log

I still come back to this whenever I have this sudden urge to message you.

Trust me. I kept myself from doing so, because I promised myself never to get involved with you ever again. Maybe in the future, yes, but not yet today. Even though time had passed and I've been thinking if I already forgave you or I forgave myself. It's a tough battle against me, really.

And what led me to this monologue, really?

It's that... I never felt that I had another human that will stand beside be whatever happens.

Don't get me wrong. You made me feel that sometimes, but most of the time no. And it's not something you should be sad of.  You had your own shit in life to deal with. You trained me to have an open mind, that your world does not circle on mine alone. That you have a lot of responsibilities under your shoulders. And it's fine. I'm just... okay that we ended, since I'm getting emotional support from another.

I didn't know it's hard to find another human being with genuine interest in me. I became really thankful that you find me that way.

I guess I'm also thankful that even though you weren't always there for me, at least I had the thought that I could just message you my problems without thinking that it was too heavy or not. I don't know what you feel about these and it's not of my concern anyway. And even though eventually you'll forget what I said, or completely ignore it... thanks, anyway. Your conversation thread became my momentarily escape.

And I couldn't just do it to my friends. I know they're the most amazing people that I'll ever meet, but I just couldn't message them unless they're of concern to my problem. Eventually I'll tell them, but that happens usually after I've thought about it. And another added topic to the conversation.

I don't know... there's a fine line between those two for me.

And I guess I'm just looking for another one who'll listen to my blabber in life in general. There's writing, yes, but it feels different when speaking to a human being and a computer.

This sucks.