commit.

fetch

H,

Am I being stupid again for wanting you back in my life again?

Even though the fact remains that you can't commit to a relationship right now, even if you still don't want to talk to me because I still affect you, even after all the reasons that reality kept on slapping me in the face just to tell me that we couldn't be together... I'm being persistent again. That I want to go against the current just to see you. That I'd rather hurt myself just to be with you. That I'd rather save you rather than myself.

I wanted to talk to you again. Is that too much to ask?

When you told me that I'm the best person to talk to about your day, what made us stop? That hurt more than when you said you couldn't commit. I want to make you happy again. I miss your very presence that transcends the physical space. I miss how we talk, as if time doesn't matter, as if we get lost in each other's words, as if we're inside our own bubble.

It's okay if you can't commit now. But I'd like to know where we'll be headed. I'm... scared, H. I don't want to be left alone hanging again. I wanted to protect myself from that hurt, but I'm willing to take that leap again.

Stupid.

I'm just thinking about myself and how I wanted you in my life. I'm stupid and selfish. I'm sorry.

I never lied to you, H. You know that.

Maybe in time, we'll be together again. But not today. I know the implications of you talking to me again. That you'll find it hard to focus on your academics. That I might take away your time. That I might end up hurting you in the process.

I'd respect your decision, no matter what.

No matter how it hurts. Again.

You're worth the pain, H.

A.