Octopus Lips

Chase Lisa Never Cries

           
     In the process of mending our friendships, the last day of school happened to come to pass. There was a party in the gym for the last period, so anyone who had eighth period gym got to gorge themselves of sparkling cider and cupcakes instead. We stuck together and jammed in our own group after I walked around and said hello to all my mutuals. Chase had come back to school but she didn't hang out with us anymore it seemed. At one point, Johnny approached our little trio.

     "Hey," he said.

     "Hi," Ramon replied.

     He shrugged and rocked on his heels slightly, "do I say sorry again? I'm really sorry."

     "I-we know," Ramon said, "It's okay."

     "Okay," he nodded slowly, "cool."

      "Pull anything like that again-" I started.

       "Yeah, I know, you'll beat me to a fine pulp, I'll have my physical life ruined, my social life is already in tatters because of the rumors Chase spread about me and my romantic life is dead!" He scoffed.

   "Little harsh, but I'm glad you understand," I frowned.

    He shrugged, then after a pause, "okay fine... I am... really glad you guys forgave me. I didn't mean what I said. I don't deserve your kindness."

     The beckoned a smile from even Rosie, "But you're going to get it anyway," she told him.

     Johnny shrugged again, blushing in embarrassment. Then conversation went on per usual, except I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that something was off. There were two giant holes in out social circle and I think everyone could feel that. I didn't want things to end like this, I wanted some closure. I needed some closure. I think I had seen Chase walk outside earlier, I hoped she hadn't left early.

     "I'll be back, guys," I announced, backing away from them.

      Rosie shot me a look. "I'm going to try and find Chase," I explained.

     It was quieter outside the room, less nauseating, with fewer voices and only the droning hum of LEDs. I found Chase sitting in an empty stairwell by herself, staring at her phone. Her expression was blank when she looked up at me and there were bags under her eyes. She looked tired, her power aura was gone, like she was the broken shell of a goddess that once ruled countries.

     "Hey," I greeted her gently, sliding my hands into the pockets of my dress.

     "What do you want?" She asked, her voice as cold and smooth as underground pipelines.

      "I want to make up, I don't want to not be your friend. Plus, I'm sorry for not telling you about the texts I got from Gordon or responding to them, I had no idea what was going to happen."

      "It's okay, you didn't know," she sighed, looking down at her phone again. "None of us did."

     I sat down next to her on the stairwell.

      "What're you doing in here?" I asked, gesturing around to the empty stairwell.

    "I'm..." her voice cracked. "I was looking through the texts he sent me."

     "Oh," I felt my gut twist.

     We sat in silence for a few seconds, neither of us saying a word. I ran through options of what I could say to her, to make her feel better. I couldn't think of anything, and physical comfort had never really been Chase's style unless she initiated it.

     "I'm going to be leaving early," Chase finally said.

     "Yeah?" I replied, "you sure you don't want to stay and hang with us?"

     She shook her head, "I've got... a funeral to go to."

     "Oh, I'm sorry... someone close to you?"

     Chase folded her arms, "my brother."

     "Oh... Chase I'm so sorry."

     Her face was expressionless. "Don't apologize, I am so sick of people apologizing."

     I decided to shut up. I hadn't known him very well, his name was Ryan, he laughed a lot, he and Chase seemed to get a long well. I don't know what happened and I was afraid to ask. Chase was looking away from me at the wall.

     "They found his body in a nightclub. A gay nightclub. There had been a shooting. We didn't find out until weeks later because that's how long it took to identify him."

     Her hands were shaking badly and her voice had risen to a fragile pitch, like thin glass. I didn't say anything, something deep inside me knew she just needed to talk about it.

     "He didn't tell us he was going out, he never said a word, not even a goodbye. It never made the news, because nobody gave a damn."

     She glanced at me, her makeup running down in face and making her eyes look like spiders. Chase was crying, tears were pouring down her face like twin rivers, she was broken.

     "I didn't understand it before then," she wheezed, her whole-body trembling. "Why do we live in a world where certain people will die and everyone ignores it? I don't underst-stand Gwen, the world closed their eyes on my brother when he was taking his last breath. How can anyone be okay with that? Why... why him? He's the... he's the only boy who ever broke my heart Gwen... I can't...I..."

      She started crying even harder, unable to speak. I gently put my arm around her and she leaned into me, hungry for comfort. She clumsily reached into her purse and pulled out a bag of makeup wipes. I took them from her when she struggled to even get one out and helped wipe her face until she stopped looking like a demon.

     "I'm... I'm so scared the same thing is going to happen to Gordon," she stammered.

      "What?" I frowned.

      She pulled out her phone with her shaking hands. "H-he said-one of the things he told me before he ran away was that he started going to a therapy group, and lgbt one, and that he can't be around us anymore because there's much past between us... what does that mean Gwen?"

    I couldn't find the words to answer her.

     "I just want to know he's alright."

     "We'll find him, he's going to be okay," I promised.

     Chase nodded, and I think somewhere deep down in my heart I meant it.