Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

Survive [ch. 16]

It had been a week since Alexander had woken up. There was no obvious change to anyone who didn't know him, but when Lafayette and Hercules returned from France, they were the first to notice the changes, the biggest one being that he went from picking fights with everyone all the time to never at all. It was unsettling to say the least.

Thomas however, noticed the changes most prominently. For one, Alexander always jumped whenever his phone went off, and nine times out of ten would be rushing off to John's dorm within seconds. He also noticed bruises on Alexander's wrist, and when asked about it the immigrant would just say something along the lines of "wouldn't you like to know?".

Today was no different. Alexander was relaxing on the couch when his phone went off, quickly checked it, and was out the door as soon as he could. When he returned, he seemed nervous, although Thomas couldn't fathom why. Alexander set his things down on the counter and came over to the couch, sitting down next to him. 

About halfway through the movie he had been watching, Thomas heard Alexander begin to cry. It started out quietly and barely noticeable, but quickly became sobs. The Virginian turned to see Alexander curled in on himself, shaking and sobbing. Thomas wrapped his arms around the small immigrant and hugged him close, although it only resulted in more sobbing.

"I-I'm so sorry. I c-can't..." Thomas rubbed his back and shushed him softly.

"It's okay. Just breathe, it's okay." They stayed like that for a bit, the movie still playing in the background. Alexander's breathing eventually evened out, and when it did Thomas turned off the tv and gently picked the small immigrant up, who was much lighter then he had seemed only a week ago. The Virginian gently set him down on the bed and turned to walk away, when he felt a fand gently grabbing his wrist. He turned to see Alexander, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"Stay..." was all he said. Thomas glanced around before nodding and laying down next to Alexander, who wrapped himself around Thomas, falling asleep quickly. Thomas followed suit quickly after.

  »»————- ————-«« 

Alexander and Thomas woke up in the morning to a loud banging on the door.  Alexander's eyes widened as he scurried up, telling Thomas to go lay in his bed like he had been there all night. Thomas did what Alexander said, while the immigrant went to the door. The Virginian herd shouting as soon as the door was opened.

"Why the fuck haven't you been answering your phone! Did you think you could just ignore me?" There was a loud smack that rang through the dorm and a sharp intake of breath.

"John, I'm sorry I was asleep I d-didn't mean-"

"Stop lying! I'd bet anything you were too busy fucking Jefferson! And, what did I say about calling me that?"

Thomas decided that was where to draw the line. he emerged to where he could see John standing over a cowering Alexander. "S-sorry, sir I was asleep I swear."

Neither of them had noticed him, and John raised a hand, smacking Alexander, who fell to the floor, tears falling down his face. Thomas instinctively rushed forward to make sure Alexander was okay. Something flashed in John's eyes before they hardened.

"So you lied to me? You have been fucking him haven't you?!" John was shouting. He kicked Alexander in the ribs, who gasped at the pain before clutching the spot. Thomas stood up and punched John square in the jaw, effectively getting home out of the dorm before shutting the door and locking it.

Once John was taken care of, Thomas knelt down next to Alexander. Alexander was sobbing, clutching his side. "Hey, Alex it's okay. Deep breaths I've got you. I need to check to make sure nothing is broken. Will you let me do that?"

Alexander nodded after a few moments, lifting up the shirt enough so Thomas could see the growing bruise on his ribcage. "Alexander you need to go to the hospital. This looks bad." The immigrant only nodded in response, letting Thomas puck him up and carry him to his car.

When they got to the emergency room, the doctors took Alexander straight back, seeing the condition he was in. They let Thomas go with them, as Alexander wouldn't let go of his hand.

It took a few hours, but by the time they were done, they had sent officers to John's dorm to take him in for questioning. Alexander had tried lying, but Thomas had then proceeded to tell the doctors the truth, or at least what he'd seen.

Because his ribs weren't the only concern, they decided to keep him overnight. Alexander and Thomas settled down to relax, playing a 'friendly' game of Uno. Throughout the night, Alexander would freak out of the doctors would try to ask Thomas to leave, or take Alexander away to run tests.

"I just want to close my eyes and have this all be a dream. Open them to where I remember. Everything just fine. I'd be waking up from a coma. It would have been so much nicer though. Maybe that was why my mind made it up. To protect me from this shitty reality." Alexander said, curled in a ball.

"I don't know. Maybe this is the dream and it's some coma induced ideal made up of your biggest fears. Who knows." Alexander smacked Thomas at that comment, grinning.

"Oh shush. I've basically accepted this as my reality. Running around for John all the time..."

"Why didn't you say anything sooner? You don't deserve that kind of shit." Alexander started crying again. Thomas wrapped his arms around the smaller man, holding him close. "Hey, it's okay. It's going to be alright Alex. You're safe now. He's not going to hurt you again."

Alexander didn't reply, only sobbed harder. He was shaking and a complete mess, but he could care less. Alexander couldn't even find it in himself to care that everything that had happened between him and Thomas was a dream. He still felt so safe in his arms. The immigrant closed his eyes and started to doze off. Yes. It was going to be alright.

  »»————- ————-«« 

Alexander woke up to a cold bed and an empty room. He was alone, and there was no sign there was anyone else had been in the room for a few hours at least. So he was alone. Alexander reached for his phone to text Thomas.

CaffeineWhore:
Hey, where'd you go?

MacNCheeseFucker:
Home. Why would I stay in the hospital with your dumbass?

CaffeineWhore:
Wait what?

MacNCheeseFucker:
You can't seriously believe it wasn't only pity.

You're even stupider then I thought.
Why would you think I'd actually care about you?

Sure, John was a dick but it didn't affect me.

Take care of yourself, because next time I may not feel bad for ya.

Alexander didn't have it in himself to respond. He was truly alone again. He had driven Lafayette and Hercules away. John was gone. Thomas didn't care about him. He was truly and utterly alone. He didn't try to stop the tears this time. He sobbed for god knows how long.

At one point a nurse came in and brought him food, telling him he needed to eat. Alexander didn's listen. He only cried more. He didn't deserve food. He didn't deserve life. So he did the one thing he knew would get him out of this hell.

Alexander shakily got up and started looking through the room. He eventually found a box of razors in a cabinet in the bathroom. There was nothing left for him anyways. Before he could be stopped by anyone he brought one of the blades down on his wrists, long, thin stripes of red sprouting from both arms. Moments later everything went black. Everything was gone.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Alexander heard the beeps. No, he failed. he tried moving his arms but to no avail. Then he noticed he couldn't move any part of his body. He tried opening his eyes, which was difficult but successful. Great. Another hospital stay.

A/N SORRY FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER BUT I NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT AND THERE ISN'T MUCH I COULD HAVE ADDED TO MAKE IT LONGER ENJOYYYY