In The Name Of Gun, Die

Insanity

"Mathew, it's me Leya"

He didn't move a bit nor looked up to me. Parang wala itong naririnig. Kaya hinawakan ko ang kamay niya kaya napatingin siya sa akin.

"Leya?" I nod at him. Blanko ang mga mata niya. "Leya!" Sumigla ang boses niya ng mapagtanto kung sino ako. He even hugged me because of that.

"How have you been?"

"Leya!" Tanging pangalan ko lang ang binabanggit niya. Pinaglaruan niya ang palad ko ng masagi niya ang singsing ko. "You're already engaged. With whom? Cavill" umayos bigla ang pagsasalita niya ng makita ang singsing ko. "Why?"

"Mathew" tanging pangalan lang niya ang nasabi ko. I was shock when he talked to me like he was a normal self back to his sanity.

"Can't you love me?" Marahan niyang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "I'm sorry" he eventually said to me. He pulled out from me and sit back away from me. Na parang napaso ito ng makita ang singsing ko. "No! Please. Please---wag mo kong hahawakan"

Tumigil ako. "I wish you'll be back with your sanity Matt. You deserve a chance---" hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko ng hilain niya ako at niyakap. Lalapit sana si Rix pero umiling ako.  At sa huling pagkakataon ay nakita ko ang mga mata niyang puno ng saya. Like when we first met each other. His lips went near me. Dumampi ito sa akin at humiwalay kalaunan at tumalikod papunta sa gilid ng salamin.

"Don't ever go here again. My Queen, I'm sorry"

"Goodbye Mathew"

Tuluyan na akong lumabas sa loob at lumabas kami. Kinakausap ni Rix ang Doctor niya ng makarinig kami ng malakas na sigaw. Agad kaming napatakbo sa pinanggalingan non.

"Mathew!"

"Inject him! Guards!"

He was fighting with the men inside his room. Hawak hawak ito ng tatlong lalaki habang tinuturakan ito ng gamot. Pero biglang pumasag ito at kinuha ang gunting na dala ng isang nurse.

"Matt" i whispered. I saw how he stabbed himself with scissors. Blood starting squirting in his gut. He vomited blood too. Kahit na pigilan siya ng Nurse ay wala silang nagawa.

The last word he said was Sorry, I'm not sure kung sa akin ba iyon o hindi. His unlife body finally fell down the cold floor. Maybe i didn't killed him. But he killed himself. I wanted him to change, because all of us deserve a second chance afterall. Tao lang tayo nagkamali din.

But maybe, he was too weak to face the consequences of his doing. That he decided to take away his own life. I can't say it's good for him. Dahil hindi ko naman talaga alam ang nararamdaman niya.

"We will just send his remainings after two days. I'm sorry for this day"

Tuluyan na kaming sumakay sa chopper pauwi. Ng makauwi kami ay umakyat ako sa kwarto ko. Later on, a big arm embraced me. "It's no one's fault. Not yours"

"Alam ko. Nalulungkot lang ako sa nangyari. Sana ay sumaya siya kung nasaan man siya. I'll give him a proper burial. And even though he made a lot of mistakes upon us. He deserve to be burried beside his family Rix."

"Of course. We will give him those"

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I'm here standing next to him. Six feet under the ground, next to his mother and brother's tombstones. Magisa na lang ako dito, umalis na sila at nauna na umuwi sa mansion while Rix was only waiting for me in the car.

"Are you happy? Kung sana lang ay iba ang pinili mo. If you just listened to me, if you didn't let your madness eat you up sana ay nandito ka pa"

But it's reality telling me the truth. He's dead. Maybe he can't lift up the burden on his shoulder kaya mas pinili niyang magpakamatay.