【凯源】Mountains and Rivers [GCA2019X]

第十一章 // Chapter 11

When Wang Junkai woke up, the sky was bright, and he rubbed his head and suddenly realized what made the room seem to empty. This realisation made him feel the deepest despair instantly.

Wang Yuan was no longer there.

He stood up in horror, and the action was so fierce it made the chair at the bedside fall over. He stumbled in a circle around the room, making sure that Yuan really was gone.

There was a letter on the table.

He didn't have enough courage to open it. He took a few deep breaths and slapped his arm a few times, just to see if he really wasn't dreaming. He walked around the room a few times, then finally opened the envelope with a shaking hand.

"Wang Junkai:

When you see this letter, the ship should have sunk, along with all the Japanese officers, soldiers, and arms on board. And me.

I have always been very unlucky since I was a child. Perhaps my life was already doomed from the second I came out of the womb. From the moment I was born, my luck would not be good. I envied every child I see because they look much happier than me. It seems that only I have never been lucky before.

Later, after I met you, I felt that I was even more unlucky. I rarely lost focus on a job, but I was always obstructed by you. Later I felt that this may be because only you want to know me, approach me, and finally see through me and my defences.

Probably all the few lucky times in my life, they were all used to meet you.

I will tell you something that I have always forgotten. The night we went back from the banquet, you fell asleep, your head resting on the glass of the car window. I saw a mark on the back of the neck. Such a coincidence, there is also one in my neck, isn't it amazing? I originally planned to tell you when you woke up, and the result is that I always forgot to. Now, there is no other way to tell you about it, so I have to write it here.

I had a dream last night. Didn't you say that you would take me to see the snow in Siberia? Last night I really dreamed of the snow and ice in Siberia. The heavens and the earth were all white, and it was all so beautiful. I dreamed that the two of us were walking on the snowfield. I remember very clearly that the clothes we wore were each blue and green respectively, and the sound of the wind was rushing through my ears, loud and free. There was a wilderness in front of me, unrestrained and oh so lucky, and I felt that I could walk for a lifetime. The snow fell on all of our hair, as if we had both suddenly grown old together.

Before you slept, I told you that I should have cut a little deeper. You thought it was madness, but I looked at that scar, and I really thought so. I have nothing, nothing that can be left for you, nothing that can let you remember me, the only thing I can give in the end, is actually sin the form of scars, isn't it funny and sad.

When I poured the glass of water for you, you seemed very surprised. Actually, I’m surprised too when I saw your expression. I felt very sorry, because I should have been nice to you. Next time, I will treat you better, really. If I could be given a chance to redo my life all over again…

It’s a pity that there is no such chance, and all I have is my regrets.

Probably there are too many things that I regret. In fact, I couldn't help thinking about it after I met you. If I could return again, in this life, it’s best for me to meet you as Ma Siyuan. Under this identity, I am innocent and gentle, I don’t know anything, I'm silly and naive, it should be good to you. It is a pity that in reality, I can only act like this. When we first met, I knocked you onto your spine, and then on our second meeting I almost cut your neck. It’s awful.

It’s getting brighter, I should leave. I can see the sun rising. Actually, I still have a lot to say, but because there’s too many, I can’t finish it, but I don’t know what to say now. Once, when I was talking with someone else, I said that even if one day we died, no one may remember our name. However, the mountains and rivers will be broken, China will not be China any longer, the nation will be in danger, and the next generation would not be able to live peacefully and in harmony. Only by fighting now, we can hope to save it.

I have met many people. They don't understand the power of faith. I also doubt the power of faith, but at this moment I suddenly understand the supremacy of faith, because at this moment although I am going to die, I feel unparalleled calmness. At this moment, my feet are on the earth of my hometown. There are mountains and rivers. This is a good place, a happy place, one full of promises and hope. The Yangtze River runs through the city, and it will be the place where I am buried, and the river will bring my ashes to the Pacific Ocean.

I am indifferent and inhuman, with no heart, and ruthless even to those I love. I am very guilty, my hands are covered with blood. I don't need anyone to understand me. I only hope that when you have children, in a few years, they will grow up freely in a peaceful country, without having to live like you and me, always teetering on the verge of war and death.

This way, everything I do will be worth it.

I have many names, but there is only one real name. In fact, I had forgotten it for a long time before introducing myself to you, buried it at the back of my mind. But at that time I was nervous, hasty, and very confused. Now I want to tell you again, officially, truthfully.

My name is Wang Yuan. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Goodbye. ”