MY DAY

IF ONLY

description: it's tough, jisung thinks, loving someone who will never love you back
authors note: this is really random i just saw this little idea for a prompt somewhere in the dark depths of tumblr and have had it in the back of mind ever since, so this was written all in one go rip will i ever write something that i'm proud of
word count: 1136

—

Jisung feels an all too familiar burning in his chest, stinging on his knees and sweat rolling down his face. He's tired, a break has never seemed more appealing than right now, but he pushes on. Sprinting the field with his heart pounding in his ears only further motivating his want to continue. Maybe it's also by the voice he can hear above all other's from the crowd shouting his name; it might be the sole thing holding his aching body up at the moment.

He wants to look at Chenle, search the bleachers for where he ended up in the mist of the game but he can't take his eyes away from the soccer ball between his feet. Everyone's attention is on Jisung right now, including a select three of the apposing team's players he can see charging at him on his peripheral.

He's going over quick debate in his head of all his options when a voice yells, "Jisung! Over here!"

The addressed boy looks up, catching the gaze of Jeno, their team captain and one of Jisung's close friends. He's wide open, far from any threats while Jisung is slowly becoming the opposite, so he deems that his best choice. His body hits the ground soon after he kicks the ball in his direction, slipping on the muddy grass but successful putting the ball in safer hands.

Another player trips over him, stepping all but gracefully over him with his painful cleats before Jisung has the chance to stand, which he knows will hurt tomorrow yet remains numb for now due to all the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He pushes himself up, trying to start running again in case Jeno needs help again even if it's clear he won't catch up in time. Luckily Jeno doesn't need any assistance; easily kicking the ball in the net and past the goalkeeper just as he gets a steady pace. They won.

Jisung cheers, can hear the eruption of yells from his team's side of the bleachers and from his teammates alike. He's reminded of why he loves this sport so much. Despite how tired he still feels it doesn't compare to the rush of life he as well. The soreness and scars he'll have to deal with later is all pushed to the back of his mind for now. It's all worth it even if this feeling doesn't last forever.

"Good job, Ji." He hears a voice behind him compliment, patting his back to solidify their words. Jisung can't turn around quick enough before the pink haired boy runs past him to do the same to Jeno. Even without his voice Jisung could tell by that bold hair color alone it was Jaemin, and he makes a small mental note to congratulate him once the mood eases down. He worked just as hard this game, scoring a good amount of the points that lead to their win.

Jisung smiles, the expression faltering ever so slightly when his eyes land on the boy he was most excited to see. He should of expected Chenle not to run to him first. They weren't dating, after all; unlike him and Jeno. Of course he should have assumed Chenle would run into his boyfriend's awaiting arms before his own. Uncaring of the sweat and dirt because of the overwhelming emotion he held for his partner. Jisung knew the feeling all too well since he did the same at every basketball game Chenle won. But during those times it was only Jisung and Chenle, before Jeno became an even bigger part of Chenle's life and unknowingly took the place Jisung had tried so hard to get.

Just because he expected it doesn't mean it hurt any less. The bruises on his knees and rapid breathing could never compare to the stabbing sensation the sight of his two friends kissing sent to his heart. Chenle being lifted into the older's arms, despite Jisung knowing Jeno is just as if not more exhausted than he is at the moment. Jisung understands, he really does, because he'd do the exact same thing if Chenle could be in his arms right now instead.

He shakes his head, taking a deep breath to fight back the blurring in his eyes as he jogs over to the huddle forming around the two. Yukhei sees him and reaches over with his long arms to pull Jisung into their group hug, making the younger loose his footing for a quick moment but getting the chance to grab his back for stabilization. It's too hot and everyone smells horrid but Jisung can't find it in him to be bothered by that fact, especially with his best friend pressed so closely at his side. He lets his arm fall loosely around Chenle's middle, telling himself it's mostly to help him stay standing but knowing it's really just for the contact, joining in half heartedly on their chant.

When they break apart, Chenle easily jumps at the chance to hug Jisung, "You did so well, Sungie! You're going to get that scholarship easily, I just know it."

Jisung smiles, mumbling a small appreciation for Chenle's words before digging his face into the smaller's shoulder in hopes to prolong their embrace just a little longer. Hopefully Chenle was right, and Jisung would get the chance to play for the college team he's always dreamed about. It would do him good to get away from this dead end town, anyway. Away from the one reason he's still in it in the first place.

Jisung thinks he'll have to work harder to get to that, though. He was proud of his performance today but there was no reason for him not making the final shot other than he lost control of his breathing which slowed down his sprinting a considerable amount. But what if's weren't in his vocabulary anymore, thinking of what could of been either, as they stopped once he accepted that they don't get him anywhere.

It hurts, worse than anything Jisung's ever felt before. Beyond worse than breaking his pinkie in third grade and wells away form the emotion turmoil of loosing his first pet in early middle school. But Jisung did what he did best; put on a slightly forced grin as he released Chenle to go back to the ever so bubbly Jeno, but turning his head just as they go to kiss again

Instead, he looks to the scoreboard, displaying their proud win, of which he can't exactly genuinely smile for just yet. He doesn't worry about what could of been, but rather thinks of what his future holds for him. Hopefully a place where he can move on and find happiness elsewhere, and not in a boy he knew he'd never be able to call his.