MY DAY

BEAUTIFUL TIME

description: chenle doesn't love him anymore. the thought comes in a little to blunt and jaemin finds himself choking on another sorrow filled cry, but it's the truth. so why can't he accept that?
authors note: i was super proud of this while writing but after going back and editing it,,, i seriously debated not even posting it bc it's THAT bad >:( but i also can't guarantee i'll have any work ready before this month is up. mostly because i'm going to be focused on my chensung au that is now up on my twitter (@ chensnugs) !! so check that out if you're interested :D
word count: 4480

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After hours of sitting Jaemin is beginning to realize no amount of shifting will help him get more comfortable in his stiff desk chair - even if that thought doesn't stop him from still trying. It's getting late and he should have been in bed long ago yet instead he remains glued to his seat with the promise to himself of only a few more minutes. It's been hours since the first had been broken, but he isn't going to tarnish the stubborn persona he's worked oh so hard to achieve that easily.

He glances at the time, squinting a bit to ensure the blurriness of his vision isn't play tricks on him and the clock does in fact read 3:31 am. Jaemin sighs, leaning back in his chair while his right hand still rests on the mouse. His eyes hurt even looking at the thousands of words on screen so he minimizes the unfinished article to help ease the stinging, even if only slightly, and attempts to rub the sleep out of them. It does so greatly but also makes him feel as though he could knock out right then and there, so he forces his eyes opened again.

He has no motivation to stop working. He did, at one point, but he was no longer here to clear Jaemin from toxic habits so he had since filled the absence with more and more overtime until his body physically couldn't take it anymore. It was unhealthy, he knew that, Jeno had stressed it to him multiple times, but it worked best to help calm his overbearing mind to even fall asleep in the first place.

Jaemin knows he shouldn't; he should keep himself busy until that cycle begins to take it's course and finally puts an end to this longer that usual day, but he can't stop himself from wanting to search for some kind of comfort instead. His hand drifts to his file folders almost completely unconsciously and scrolls to his most visited one with little to no reluctance, his mouse pausing over the label our_beautiful_time.mp4.

He really, really shouldn't. Jeno swears (mostly unintentionally) skipping meals and overworking is destructive, while Jaemin genuinely believes facing his heartache is worse. Nothing has ever hurt him more than Chenle leaving. No pain Jaemin has ever felt can even compare to the burning in his chest from looking at their old photos together, and even more harrowing, the ones of Chenle now. He looks so happy in those photos - happier than he ever looked in his last few months with Jaemin.

Before that, though, was where the videos came into play. A time where Chenle felt just as deeply for Jaemin as Jaemin did for Chenle. When Chenle's smile was genuine and laugh full of love, eyes glistening with something impossible to describe as anything other than pure joy, an emotion Jaemin wished was in them the last time he saw Chenle in person. Which is why he uses videos to remember them through instead.

So with a deep breath, Jaemin double clicks. And a familiar beginning screen pops up, one Jaemin once and still deeply adores staring back at him. He presses play.

"Chenle, what are you doing right now?" Jaemin's voice sounds from the recording, smile heard clear in his tone as he focuses his lens on Chenle. The younger's lips turn up slightly on the ends, though it's obvious he's trying to fight the grin, as he shakes his head at his boyfriend's antics.

"You're so embarrassing," he mumbles, nearly whispered words only notable because of their proximity. "Can you put that down and help me, please?"