Backend Beginning

Not a Chance

It was a morning like any other. I woke up, stared at a wall for a few minutes before I drag myself out of bed and to the bathroom. Perks of being the first one up is that I always get the bathroom uninterrupted, as long as father's stomach allows it. After freshening up, I go back to my room and lock my door. Before anyone could pester me, I place my noise cancelling headphones over my ears and tune whatever mundane beat that could help drown out the noise. A slight smile comes across my face when my favorite DJ, Boliver Beldens, is playing in my ears. I get cozy at my desk and I begin my daily ritual.
I slowly begin to type away at my keyboard. I don't really have a mission or a goal for today. However, I did come up with a new plot line for my script last night. It was oddly refreshing. I usually have a set and fixed goal in mind, but today, I freely wrote as I chose to.
'Headphone batteries are low, please recharge' the headsets cry.
And there it goes. In a heartbeat, a flash, my motivation to write was gone. I grab for the USB cord and plug it into my dying headset. My eyes stay trained on the few pages I managed to get done before I was interrupted.
What was I thinking? How could I have believed that this was polished? The corners of my eyes grew dark. Shadows begin to occupy my peripheral. I try to get the music going again but it was too late.
'You've wasted your time. You have nothing, you will be nothing. Let the weight take over, waste away in that corner.' they whisper and antagonize.
Shadows danced along the walls of my room. They stand there, pointing, mocking. I switch my headsets off then on, off then on, but they still wouldn't reset. I squeeze my eyes shut. This can't be happening, not so early in the day. Fed up, I toss the headphones to the ground and I hop back into my bed. I throw my body under the covers, and stack all my pillows on my face. It might not be enough to drown out the sound but the weight helps.

"Hey, kiddo, you doing alright? I heard a loud sound but your door is locked! Since I'm down here, I should tell you that your Uncle is hiring at his store! He wanted to let you know that he'd love to have you."

Is all I heard. I couldn't tell if it was my mom or dad but that's how those conversations go. If my uncle wanted me so badly, he would call. The truth is, they just want to throw me out. I'm in my 20's, I dropped out of college, can't work in social environments because of my *condition* and I can barely get out of bed on most days. They treat me like I'm inadequate. That I'm incapable of dealing with life.
Well, the truth is, I can't. I don't think I could even live on my own if I was forced. I'm fortunate to have a supportive family, but it doesn't help that no one can help. I've already shunned my peers. You think you can trust people with things but you can't. If they don't understand how much you deal with, they'll just let it slip out. Don't even ask for advice, they'll just tell you someone has it worse. It's not my fault that I can function and not completely out of my mind. Just enough.
My eyes get heavy. I fall back into an uncomfortable slumber.