Backend Beginning

Supportive

I can't believe I slept away another day. For someone who slept for twenty hours, my body still feels heavy. My throat is sore, my back in pain. Sleep is never a comforting thing for me. I'm always so afraid of losing time, or of missing something. Yet here I am, only ever awake for a few hours out of a day.
I drag myself out of bed and walk over to my computer. There is a new update for the game that I play with my online friends. I don't really like the game to be honest, or any of the games we play. However, for a moment, I can pretend that I'm normal and that I take pleasure in things. Hoping they didn't break, I slowly grab my headphones from the ground. The green indicator was good enough for me. I unplug the USB and place the Headset over my ears. I open up TeamTrilo and noticed a populated voice chat. I do some vocal exercises and smack my face a few times. They know that I deal with some heavy stuff, but if I'm too much of a drag, no one will talk to me; that's why I always take a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, to get my mind in the space of being communicative. It's a facade I use very well and probably the only thing I'm good at.
After taking one more deep breath, I click on the chatroom and I'm already greeted by a bunch of familiar voices.

"Oh hey, it's Null!"
"Look at what the morning dragged in!"
"You haven't been online in awhile, everything okay?"
"Don't worry about that dude, he was probably just holed up in his room again!"
"Hey, like you're one to talk!"
"The difference is that I work"

Their intentions aren't malicious. Not these guys. I just need to remember that.
"You know me!" I laugh, "If I see too many people in a day, my battery runs out!"
Not too strong, not too serious. The chatroom breaks out in laughter.
"So, Null, you talked to any chicks lately? You know Mint? She thinks you're super hot! Why don't you go for it? She probably won't end up like any of the crazies you've dated off of here!"
My mind flashed. There are so many things I want to add and comment on. But I hold my tongue. God forbid if I were to snap at this, I would have to cycle through friends again. I think they get so used to the nice and indifferent guy that it becomes unfathomable when I speak up for myself. Nothing good ever comes from me being upset.
"Nah, I think I'm done with chicks for awhile. Gotta focus on me, you know?" I respond, trying my hardest to sound not offended by my friend's remark.
"Guys you know he's gay"
"Those selfies are old anyway! How do you expect a shut-in to even still look like that!"
"He couldn't even pull the eggs off of the shelf"

They're all identical. The voices, the compliments, the jokes, the insults. They all sound the same. I can't distinguish one voice from the next. They all think that I'm their friend, that I enjoy their jokes, understand their humor and that I like them. None of these things are true. Save for a handful of people I interact with, much like the rest of my life, I could care less.