Metanoia

"Like A Candle"

Arthur

He loves me.
Like a candle, my senses suddenly lit.
Touch: By far the most interesting sense. I was able to feel my fingers carefully glide across the soft fabric underneath me. Plucking at loose threads, twisting the individual threads into one coil; then undoing the process and completing the task once again.
He loves me not.
Hearing: I was particularly fond of this sense. My ears were able to detect my breathing. My heart pumping. The slight shifting of my body under the blankets. The soft plucking of something foreign to my eardrums. Merlin's rasped voice—strained of felicity. Or was it the opposite? Things were beginning to become a blur lately.
He loves me.
Smell: There wasn't much in the room to detect with this sense. My nose caught a whiff of the blood and a foul smell I didn't know had the ability to exist. But all of that was hazy when I sensed something else.
He loves me not.
Taste: The familiar taste of crimson. Soothing, almost. The metallic sensation clouded my tongue with a slight buzz. Call it a personification, but I also tasted the tense atmosphere that clung to the air about the room, taking note of the cold silence. It drew a shiver down my spine.
He loves me.
Sight: This sense was by far my favorite, because when my lids peeled back, I was faced with a breathtaking sight. Eyes puffy with sleep-deprivation, lips chapped, a pale complexion that would put the color of snow to shame. His eyes were staring deeply into mine, a woeful expression present. He looked terrible; but absolutely beautiful at the same time.
Giving a prominent swallow, his lips parted, speaking the one word that had stolen my heart. "Arthur," Merlin croaked, almost afraid of saying my name. My name on his lips brought complete and utter euphoria to my ears.
But this was different.
This wasn't euphoria.
This was remorse. Guilt.
Taking cautious—yet gentle—steps toward me, his eyes began to swim with multiple unidentifiable emotions.
Brows laced, I stuck my hand out lethargically, eyeing Merlin with concern. "Merlin? I'm here."
He gulped in reply, staring at my hand, refusing to take part in the greeting. Instead, he ignored my stretched arm, deciding to gaze up to settle gentle fingers on my face. They felt like a feather—soft and wispy.
"I'm real, Merlin," I spoke again, dragging a hand up to feel the warmth of his fingers. I wasn't sure what the man in front of me was thinking. After analyzing his face for several moments, my lids dropped, as I caught the sight of the beauty in his hand. "Merlin?" I questioned quietly, limply gesturing towards the flower. "What are you doing with it?"
Pursing his lips, an intent gaze was now positioned in Merlin's eyes, as he shifted, the fallen petals on his clothes moving along with him. There was one petal left. Strong and willing to hold onto the shred of life left. Giving a quick glance to me, Merlin then licked his lips before speaking. "He loves me not," his voice came, pulling the last petal from its delicate frame, as the two of us watched with a silent stare as Merlin's former words shook the air with a foreign intensity.
"You're wrong," I countered, then deciding to correct myself. "Well, at least the stupid child's game is."
Merlin slowly stood, beaconing his way over to the bed I was laying on, deciding to sit down. With furrowed brows, his eyes focused on the threads of fabric beneath him, as nimble fingers toyed with a loose strand of cloth. I hadn't expected this in the slightest. When I had returned, I was not only faced with confusion but fear too. When my vision eventually cleared though, all of that former doubt and anxiety washed away as his face made an appearance in my sight. My mind was telling me to anticipate a hug, a kiss perhaps. But silence and a distant expression? That was not on the list of expectants.
"I know I'm wrong," Merlin replied after a long pause, answering my statement from earlier. "You're always right." He tilted his head down, almost ashamed of his confession. "Always."
My mind trailed. "That's not true."
He raised his brows in fake disbelief. "You told me of Selma. You were correct in your assumption."
Replying with a sigh of defeat, I rested my skull against the headboard of the bed. Eyes flickering to try to see Merlin, all I was faced with was the black mop of curls that were knotted from stress and unkemptness.
"Is that for me?" I joked, raising a weak finger to point to Merlin's clamped hand that currently wasn't playing with the entanglements of the sheets. Biting his cheek, Merlin uncurled his palm, letting a crumbled, wilted stem and stigma pop back into its original position before being crunched. My eyes widened. "It's dead." Pausing, my eyes shifted, analyzing the flower in awe and confusion. "I thought you said it can't die?"
"Only if it's not fatally harmed," Merlin replied. He delicately rubbed the pad of his thumb over the exterior of the remains, locking his jaw in suppressed anger and frustration. "You were right about Keres, too, you know." Leaning back, I could clearly see Merlin's face now. It was spotted with tear streaks and...was that dried blood? With his pale complexion, his lips parted, blowing a warm breath, eyes glossing over.
What was he thinking about? "Merlin?"
"I did something bad, Arthur," he mumbled in reply. "I don't know if I'll recover from the act."
A remorseful smile—more of a grimace—wiped over my face. I knew what he had done. I know he feels wrong about it, but if I were in his position, I knew I would commence the same scenario without hesitation. "Merlin. I know you killed him."
Face blanching a considerable amount, Merlin's voice broke as he spoke, fingers rattling against the blankets. "Oh gods, Arthur. I didn't want to. It's just that I-"
"Merlin, I know." He was too pale. Too worried. Gazing to his hand, I gently layed my palm on it, watching as he flinched in surprise. "It's okay. I would've done the same thing."
Glossed eyes met my stare, as he released a breath; from relief or pain I wasn't sure. "But what I did was terrible, Arthur. You can't deny it."
"I know," I mumbled quietly, rubbing my thumb in a soothing fashion over his knuckles. "But it's okay." I paused, analyzing Merlin's features. "You did the right thing killing King Keres."
As if like a candle, Merlin's expression changed into suppressed shock and slight confusion, as he desperately tried to wipe up his composure as calmly as possible. "I...know." He blinked, wiping a sleeve over his nose to rid of the snot. My eyes detected his crestfallen look, though. The former distress wiped away with surprise and relief that he attempted to shy away nonchalantly.
Something else had happened.
And Merlin wasn't going to tell me of it.
"Merlin?" I questioned softly, an undertone of concern making an appearance. I was worried for what the man had done.
He just gave a thin-lipped smile as a result. "I'm just glad you're back, Arthur." He strained my name like he was dumbfounded the word could have ever been spoken of again.
Scrunching my brows, I glanced to his fumbled hands curling in on themselves, the remains of the dead beauty laying limply on the bed with a lifeless posture. I forced a grin on my face. For now I had to wait. Who knows, maybe Merlin will eventually open up to me. For now, though, I have to remain patient. "I think I'm due one kiss, Merlin," I suddenly teased, weakly tapping my cheek with a finger.
With upturned lips, an expression of happiness etched onto his features. And it was beautiful. So serene compared to what had formerly happened. Lines crinkled Merlin's eyes, his smile growing wider as he leaned forward, edging closer to me on the bed. Every pore, every freckle was now visible to my sight. Alluring orbs of azure clouded my vision, pupils dilating with trepidation and excitement, as the taut gaze that Merlin had once plastered onto his face was now washed away with complete felicity. It was unbelievable I had won the heart of this gorgeous man.
"Is that so?" Merlin bantered in reply, tilting his head slightly, letting his breath now linger against the shallow skin on my face. He was so close.
"You will address me as a royal," I spoke nearly breathless in reply.
"Oh really? Who's also a royal now?"
I playfully scoffed with a fitful glare that was currently fighting to keep the impulse of a smile down. "Definitely not you. Who would make such a decision? You as King?"
"King Merlin," Merlin twitched a woeful stare, deciding to drink in my features as he absentmindedly drew one of my locks between his fingers. "I was never fond of the position, if you recall me speaking of it."
I sighed. Merlin had never craved this life that most would kill for. "Ofcourse." I paused, licking my lips before gazing into a thin ring of sky blue. "But now we can be free, right? The harvest moon? We can see that now. Outside of the palace walls. Outside of Aeyland."
A grin broke onto Merlin's beautiful face. "We can live among the free people beyond Albion?"
"Yes."
"And then what?"
"Then..." My mind sought for an answer. What would we do?
Merlin then suddenly shuffled beside me, nearing my lips with cautious movements, deciding to speak aloud. "Before then, though, I have to tell you something."
I was scared it would correlate to his last confession. Merlin trembling with fear while he hid something deep beneath those eyes and lips he dared not speak of. "What is it?" I breathed, a shiver of anxiety trailing tauntingly down my spine. But when I realized Merlin's expression wasn't grim—wasn't sad—he managed to make me smile under the circumstances.
"I remember," is all he said before placing his lips on mine, basking in my presence with upturned lips. With crease lines, my brows furrowed, eyes strained confusion. He remembered? Remembered what?
And then it clicked.
Every thought, every wonder ever imagined about my forgotten life from his mind had finally weaved together once again.
He remembered.
And it was all I could ever ask for.

A/N: Hello everyone! So, this book is coming close to its end! I hoped y'all have enjoyed this book so far, it really means SO much that people take time out of their days to read my story; it inspires me to write more when y'all leave all of your wonderful comments! If you've liked this story so far, please feel free to leave a vote or comment! Thanks y'all! Bye!