captive « j.b

t w e n t y f i v e

Camilla's POV

"I can't do this to you Justin! I see how stressed you are!" I say in tears.

"How are you going to tell me what I need and don't!" He screams back. "I should've known you would leave."

I swear in that moment my heart shattered in a way I didn't think I could feel. Did he not know I was purely in love with him and this hurt me more?

30 minutes before

Justin had just walked in and I was fearing for dear life. I wasn't planning on breaking up with Justin. I just needed him to take a break from me for a few days. Him being a leader, I do respect him and know he need a few days to get himself back together.

Justin came and sat down next to me. He lifted my legs and placed them on his lap. I kept playing with my fingers and he looked at me for a good solid minute. He was studying me. I didn't know how to tell him. I blamed myself for all of this. I wasn't good enough.

I smack my mouth in frustration and get up to stop myself from crying. I'm heading towards the door and Justin closes it and looks at me.

"Yoo.." He says and I shake my head because I'm just absolutely frustrated with myself.

"Camilla use your words." He says sternly. He studies me as I bite my lip and it's like he read my mind. "You're leaving me."

"No I'm not." I say and he looks back at me but angry now.

"Then what is it?" He says following me back to the living room.

"I have to give you some space to get your mojo back. I'm the reason why —." Then he cuts me off.

"You're leaving me!" He says getting closer.

"Justin I'm not I swear.. but I just don't think.." and the tears start spilling because I see the anger in his eyes. I see the hurt. I had just hurt the one person I didn't want to. How do you express all your insecurities when you've kept to yourself for your entire life.

"I can't do this to you Justin! I see how stressed you are!" I say in tears.

"How are you going to tell me what I need and don't!" He screams back. "I should've known you would leave."

I swear in that moment my heart shattered in a way I didn't think I could feel. Did he not know I was purely in love with him and this hurt me more?

"Justin." I say trying to grab his hand and he snatches it away. He leaves slamming the door and I'm left there to think how horrible of a person I was. The person I am. Would this work out? It had only been a month and I already hurt him.

I sit on the couch and just think over and over. I had just angered him. Like I made him very angry. Or hurt? Or angry? I don't know!

I go to the restroom and look to see my eyes slightly red. My eyes were definitely puffy but I zip up my hoodie and head out the doors to find Justin. It was 4:39am and I highly doubt anyone was awake unless those who were supposed to be awake.

I walk through the warehouse thinking Justin would be in one of two places. Basement or our skills room. I go trough the halls and open to door to the basement. I get a few glances and look to see if I see him but I don't.

"You okay hun?" Our bartender Nick said.

"Just looking for Justin." I said.

"Think he's in the skills room." He says and I send a kiss as a thank you and he knows down. He was the sweetest.

I make my way back through the halls and walk halfway through the warehouse and make myself to the opposite side. I take the elevator and it dings as it closes. I wait as the floors drop

5

4

3

2

1

Scan finger

Approved. Skills room.

And with that it dings. It opens and I see him shooting every target and not missing the head or heart. Yeaah he was mad. I pull myself together and go to him. I put my hand on his shoulder and he goes to grab another gun.

I pull out my gun and shoot the dummy by his face and it catches his attention.

"You could've shot me!" He screams. "You're still a rookie. Remember that."

"I didn't miss Kendrick." I sass back and he gets angry. He walks up to me and I get myself together. "Put the bull shit aside Justin. I'm not leaving you but admit I've been a huge distraction." He looks me in the eye for a sec and looks away and starts shooting again.

"You've been beating yourself up because we have been invaded not once but 3 times. Keep in mind one of them was highly because of me. I didn't cause it but I definitely was a reason for them doing what they did.

He lowers his gun but stays facing the wrong way.

"Justin, I'm not saying we can't be together. I just want you to get back in your groove. There's reasons behind all of this. You're angry because gangs are underestimating you. You're angry because the time you spend to make sure we are okay and make plans, you spend with me. You need to figure out how you're going to make time for it all. I'm the least of priorities. You're the leader. Lead with confidence." I say and he snaps back immediately.

"What makes you think you're the least!" He says turning around.

"I'm not saying in your heart I am, I'm saying that I need to be the least priority right now." I say and it clicks in his head. He knew I was right. It sucked but it was the hard truth.

I cup his face and give him a kiss. He kisses back but just barely. His arms are wrapped around me and he just stares at me. "Why were you crying then?" He asked.

"Honestly, I just don't feel worthy of your time right now. Or at all. I just don't feel like enough. You have so much more to worry about." I say with a pain in my chest. He looks at me and I pull away. "Justin I've only known you for a little over 6 months. I may not have the life that seems to have secrets but I still have inner demons. I still fight battles with myself." I say and he starts up again," But Kendrick's gone."

I pull away completely now. "Not Kendrick. With myself. In general. And I don't blame you but you just don't get it yet. If I don't feel worthy enough of you then I feel like that. You can reassure me but it'll only feel good in that moment. Just until it's dark and we're sleeping but I'm still awake thinking things I wish I didn't."

He looks and me and nods. "I'll focus more on everything else then. Only because you're right. Doesn't mean I don't have time for you. I'll make it up to you." I nod my head and say "one month." He pauses for a second but agrees. "We're not broken up right?" He ask and I smile. "No." Shaking my head and he picks me up and kisses me. "Good." He says. " I still want to be able to hold you."

We hear the door open and a "WOAAAH I'll just come back later." And Justin and I end the night in laughter.