I'm Fine. •m.yg•

10

Dear Aunt Lia,

After my fight with unnie I didn't step out of the room for a whole day. I didn't want to. I was scared I'd bump into her or Yoongi.

I didn't want to face him.

I didn't want him to see me like this.

So I resorted to doing what I did best.
Working on my music.

I still had to finish a mixtape for Taehyung.

It was in the evening the next day when I finally felt hungry.

I crept to my door and waited. After thinking a lot I peeped outside. The house was quite. So I tip-toed down the stairs.

I took out a pack of ramyeon and started cooking for myself when a voice interrupted me.

"So you finally got hungry huh?"

I jumped at his voice.
"Yoongi you scared the living shit out of me"

"Make some for me too" he said as he sat down on the table.

"Okay" I mumbled.

Soon we sat on the dining table eating ramyeon. I stuffed my face as if my life depended on it. I was so hungry.

"Hee Young I want you to tell me" he finally said.

"Tell you what?"

I knew exactly what he wanted to know. I just didn't know how to talk about it. How to talk about my emotions. How to talk about unnie, about mother.

About you..

"tell me Hee Young. Tell me what's wrong" he said.

"I'm fine" I told him.

"quit lying. To me and to yourself"

I looked at him straight in his eyes and in that moment I knew he wanted to know.

That he cared.

"I just.." I started.

But I couldn't Aunt Lia. I couldn't talk. The lump in my throat prevented me from anything.

"I'm not fine Yoongi. I'm not" I finally said.

"I'm tired of pretending. But I just don't know how to talk about this stuff. All these things that keep going on in my head. It's like I constantly feel like screaming at the top of my lungs but I-" that is when I choked on my words.

I started crying again.

I abandoned my ramyeon and buried my face in my hands.

The tears won't stop.

I just kept thinking of the time when mother and unnie left me.

"They'll come back. They'll come back to get me!" I used to tell you.

"Of course they will, my love" you told me.

But they didn't. For six years, they didn't.

So when Hwa Young showed up on our doorstep one day I was mad. But more than that, I was happy to see my sister again and that I would see my mother again.

"I'm sorry Hee Young. I'm sorry that we lost her" she cried as she held on to me.

I never saw her.

Not even when she died.

How could I forgive her Aunt Lia?

How could I?

Soon I felt Yoongi's arms wrap around me as I buried myself into his chest.

I've never cried in front of someone before.

But somehow min yoongi saw me at my weakest that day.

I guess that's when you know..

How you feel about a person..

"You're such an idiot aren't you? Trying to deal with shit all on your own. Such an idiot" he muttered.

~yours truly,
Hee Young