it's always ourselves that we find in the sea || jensoo

Chapter 34

She was let out of hospital the next day, under strict orders from her doctor and Minzy that she'd rest at home and no strain herself too much, and Kara immediately tried to weasel her way into Jisoo's room, trying to bargain with Minzy, who insisted that she should keep her distance until hers and Jisoo's immune systems picked themselves back up. Jennie didn't care much about herself, scoffing at the slight cold, but she bitterly resigned herself to the fact that she'd have to keep her distance from Jisoo, especially with her pneumonia. The most she was allowed was a quick sneaky visit, courtesy of her nurse, who wheeled her into Jisoo's room so she could assure herself that Jisoo was okay. She'd been sleeping when Jennie was there, her dark hair limp and tangled against her pillows, and her skin almost translucent with its pallid complexion. Her breath rose and fell gently, her breathing a little laboured, but her pulse was steady on the heart monitor. Jennie was able to be discharged with the reassurance that Jisoo was okay.

Still, when Chaeyoung drove her home, helping her straight upstairs with some difficulty due to her swollen and bruised feet, Jennie was tucked into bed and felt the miserable weight of missing Jisoo settling in. It was becoming far too familiar for her liking. She'd gone from spending virtually every single day with Jisoo, and the knowledge that she was happily playing the piano in the safety of her home when Jennie wasn't with her, but a few days had changed that. Now, she had seen Jisoo for a handful of minutes since their argument, and she was worried that something bad would happen and she wouldn't be there if it did. Even though she knew Minzy would be there, Jennie couldn't help but worry. It felt like all she'd done for days now.

Her mood spiralled even further when she was left to her own devices, with Chaeyoung insisting that she sleep, bringing her some sleeping pills and a cup of tea and leaving her alone to rest. Jennie didn't take the pills, but she nursed her tea in the warmth of their shared bedroom, her old blanket draped over her as she listened to the sounds of her sister pottering around downstairs. Dishes clinked as they were washed, the sound of the washing machine started as a load was put on, and Jennie was left to stare at the shelves cluttered with some of their childhood mementos as she brooded in silence. There were soccer trophies and track ribbons, photos of her and Chaeyoung with their arms around each other when they'd started to get along, and a neat row of her paperbacks she'd brought back with her. She'd always thought of the bedroom as cozy, with its soft pastels, smell of old wood and the lingering briny smell of the fresh sea air, but sitting in there alone, with the smell of salt making her feel nauseous, Jennie didn't want to be up there. She should've been at Jisoo's bedside, telling her stories.

The thought of stories turned her stomach though, and she stumbled out of bed, her footsteps loud on the wooden floor as she lumbered towards the bag she'd had in hospital, wincing as she knelt beside it and fished her laptop out. Sitting on the cold wooden floorboards, she angrily deleted all the files relating to her novel, emptying the trash with a hard click on the button, her eyes prickling with angry tears at her own stupidity. The bitter taste of regret filled her mouth as she thought about how she might've ruined everything. She still wasn't quite sure where she stood with Jisoo - they hadn't had the chance to have a proper talk, and she knew it couldn't happen until Jisoo was less confused - and she felt like she was walking on eggshells, waiting to find out if their relationship was salvageable. It wasn't a comforting thought.

"What're you doing?" Chaeyoung's mildly surprised voice asked from the doorway, and Jennie looked up, a guilty expression flitting across her face as she set her laptop aside. "You're supposed to be resting."

"I was just ... deleting something."

"Get up off the floor," Chaeyoung tutted, walking into the room and reaching down to help pull her to her feet, "mom will kill me if she thinks I'm not making you rest. You'll just make yourself worse too. Come on, back to bed."