Jahseh X Geneva | Toxic Love

Morning Sunshine

Geneva's Diary Entry

I'm still confused. What did Jah mean? I don't get this. I want to give up so bad. I want to drop the charges. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy. But I can't. If I drop the charges, I will end up in jail. Jah would rather himself in jail than me. Fuck. What did I get us into? I want this shit to end. Does he hate me? Has he forgiven me? 

Jahseh's P.O.V

I wake up with the normal feeling of loneliness. Does she hate me this much? I wonder to myself. Is it my fault that she hates me? I quickly wipe out my phone to feel the quick vibrations of my phone's notifications. "Hey", "Hey baby". It's from Geneva. I scratch my head in confusion and reply with "What the fuck? You were pissed at me yesterday. Why today?? Why do you suddenly love me again???" I wait for about 2 minutes for her to reply with "Jah. I'm sorry. Wrong person. Calm the fuck down. Jesus Christ." In rage, I reply in just a split second "Fine." I wish I could say what I wanted. Without having the self doubt and feeling that there would be no consequences. I guess she just really hates me. 

I slowly drag myself out of my bed as I remember that I have to be at the studio at 9. Oh shit! It's already 8:45am. I get dressed and try to forget everything that happened with Geneva this morning. 

"Hey..." "Jah why you looking like a sad pussy?" Ski laughs historically. "Oh nothing. Should we start??" I reply trying to smile. "Nah man, After you tell me what the hell happened to you." Ski sits me down. Like the comforting best friend he is. We t]alked for about the whole time we were supposed to record a fire ass song. "The whole Geneva shit just won't end will it? Just don't talk to her for about a week. AND not be the attached idiot that always tries to make it up with her. Just for a week. To let it calm down. She could end your ass into jail" Ski's advice was good but I felt that not speaking to her for a week was going to make the whole in my heart bigger than it is. I wish I never got so attached to her. When you have that genuine love for someone and they are your source of happiness, They become your drug. And I overdosed. 

Ski pats me on my back hard. "Good luck with the girl battle" "Well, Let's hope I will" I laugh. 

I drive home. Alone. Floods of exactly what happened flow back into my mind. I broke up with her ages ago. I left her. Why won't my mind believe it? Why won't my mind tell my thoughts of her to fuck off?? Why the hell does 5 texts create such an impact? Her words meant so much. I wish it was me. I wish all this law shit would stop. It's not helping. I was her everything. Now I'm her nothing.